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Monday 14 January 2008

How do you live with 2 wives?

Today is the Feast day of St. Hilary, a bishop who fought against the Arian heresy.
It is also the birthday of my boss and my eldest son. Happy Birthday to you all. Wish you two a fruitful and successful year ahead.

The Christmas season ended yesterday with the feast of the Baptism of Jesus. Today, we begin the first ordinary week of the liturgical year. The reading today is 1 Samuel 1:1-8. It lays the background of the birth of Samuel, the last Judge and the first Prophet in the Old Testament. (Of course, Moses remains the greatest prophet of the Old Testament). It was a time of transition to a united Kingdom in the near future. After Exodus and entry into the Promised Land, the 12 tribes of Israel partitioned the land and lived in a federation without any central government. They remained autonomous and only came together in battles against invading Philistines. They had no kings, but judges to settle disputes among themselves and led them into battles against aliens. The book of Judges is a collection of incidents during this period of time.
Elkanah (God has acquired) had 2 wives: Hannah whom he loved but who bore him no child and Peninnah who bore him sons and daughters. Of course, these two women would not live peacefully with each other. Peninnah kept provoking and irritating Hannah because of her barrenness. The bible does not mention Elkanah talking to her. So, Peninnah did not seem to be a happy wife though she and her children were well provided with (1 Samuel 1:4). Given such a barren relation with Elkanah, probably she could have suffered post-natal depressions. Therefore, it was only too natural for Peninnah to vent her anger and frustration towards Hannah who could command nearly all of Elkanah's love.
Hey, do women need to be bitchy in order to remain sane in a patriarchal society? Indeed, both women suffered 'barrenness' in different areas, one physiologically and the other emotionally! Both were victims! United should they stand, victimized women of all lands! Bicker no more with each other! To live as fully human as possible, you have the right to demand more than material goods to be satisfied. You need sweet talks.
"Am I not more to you than 10 sons?" Elikanah consoled Hannah (1 Samuel 1:8). One son was enough to bring honour to a woman as well as security in her old age. 10 would be a luxury not many women dare to dream of. What's more? It took 4 women to give birth to 12 sons for Jacob. So, Elkanah claimed to bring the total honour and security of nearly four women into one Hannah! He was willing to invest into one Hannah nearly as much love as a Jacob gave to 4 women. (In fact, Jacob had only one true love, Rachel. So the Bible goes.) Even though Elkanah already had one Peninnah, he probably could still  intensely love one Hannah with the love for 4 women. Wasn't it sweet?
Many a man harbours the fantasy of secret lovers, sex or no sex. Elkanah must be their dream boy. Let a woman labelled 'housewife' take care of all the chores at home. This Peninnah is usually not perfect and is troublesome. Her character is flawed. Hannah must be a dream woman who is able to satisfy all the libido of an Elkanah and never complains!
However, in monogamous societies like Hong Kong, unless a woman is capable of performing the duties of a mother as well as a vehicle of love for her man, it is little wonder that extra-marital affairs flourish. She must perform the dual duties of Peninnah and Hannah, a housewife and a lover at the same time! What a burden. With so many uncertainties around, many couples prefer not to give birth to the next generation these days. Wives can now enjoy the monopoly of their husbands' love! Lovers pure and simple. No more roles of a Peninnah. But can they or their Elkanahs do so for long? Man has to do more than providing material goods. He needs to do more than 10 sons, to love as much as a Jacob! Enough, Alex! What fantasy!
Let's not forget Elkanah's love for his God. Annually, he travelled to Shiloh to worship and offer sacrifice to Him (1 Samuel 1:3). Probably, it was only an ordinary cultic and routine duty. Still, we should cast no doubt on his piety. On the path of spirituality, we need to build up virtues from good habits. Of course, God's grace is essential. But spiritual growth requires constant efforts on our part. Opportunity knocks at the door of those who are ready, who are prepared.

My God, my heart has no room for other women besides Erminia. She is my Hannah and my Peninnah. In her, I find joy. I find You. But let my love for You and my Jesus grow beyond her. I have not loved her enough. My illness is an obstacle. I have not loved You enough. My sins are obstacles. Cleanse me of my sins so that I may love You more deeply. Heal me of my illness so that I may love Erminia more intensely. Amen.

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