I have been consumed by narcissism

We should be serving Christ in the needy, in the least of his brethren (Matthew 25:40). Yet, I have forgotten Erminia who is sharing my bed with me. God be my witness, had it been another woman in bed with me, I would not have been able to respond God’s call to permanent diaconate today. From the very first day we dated, I immediately could recognize that she is a gift God sent to help me along my path to sainthood. I was torn between the call to priesthood and marriage. Of course, my upbringing made me not suitable to serve God and his people as a priest. However, I secretly pledged to God. “Allow me to love and I will be able to love you better in the future.” God is patient and kind. He gives me room to mature.

But after getting my first computer, I indulged too much in cracking computer programs and literally made Erminia a “computer widow”. She told me point-blank tonight, “Your DM has saved you.” Truly, my DM helps me reconcile with my mother who would not forgive me for deserting her, getting married and moved to Tuen Mun. My DM made Erminia tolerate my narcissism. But my narcissism does not do me good. I withdrew more and more into my comfort zone, developed depression and licked my wounds sustained after departing from La Salle.
Meanwhile, Erminia had to take care of the children, both as a mother and a father. Though she has complained that I have not spent enough quality time with the children, I did not take appropriate actions. Though not very successful, she had to dress up as much as she could, the wounds the boys sustained while being brought up by the grandmothers. Up till today, she feels very guilty about it, in particular, for Hilary our first born who seems to be the most hard-hit, feeling deserted by us. He has developed a withdrawn and evading character, not confident enough to face challenges and frustrations squarely. Of course I share a lion share of the blame but it is Erminia who bears all the guilt alone.

When I am sick, she takes care of me. But when she is sick, I am not even aware of her health state! I have been consumed by narcissism and am slow in picking up her distress signals. Our communication breaks down. In conclusion, I see that I love myself more than anything else. Though I have responded to the call of permanent diaconate, I wonder if I am really honouring my pledge to God more than three decades ago. God, have mercy on me. I am a sinner.

Dear Lord, Erminia is patient and kind. She still hopes that I can return one day. Yes, I do. I hope it is not too late. My God, I owe her so much. I have not taken up a fair enough share of her burden. Forgive me. Help my children. Amen.

Did Peter deny the resurrection of the flesh?

God inspires human authors to write up the Bible texts. Therefore, the texts are cultural refractions of God's messages. These cultural refractions cannot be self-explanatory. They need to be interpreted and thus the Bible cannot be read literally. On the other hand, our interpretations are also culturally constrained. It is not easy to jump out of our cultural box to achieve a bias-free reading of the Bible. In the second reading of the First Letter of St. Peter, we encountered such a verse. St. Peter was exhorting the readers to suffer patiently persecutions for righteousness' sake
For it is better to suffer for doing right, if that should be God's will, than for doing wrong.
For Christ also died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit; (1Peter 3:17-18)

Christians should suffer patiently because it might be God's will. Furthermore, Christ has set up an example to suffer for righteousness' sake so as to bring us to God. Our sufferings can bring people to God. So, suffering has attained a new purpose. Suffering is redemptive.
However, a problem arises when we read the last part of the sentence: Christ ... was put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit!
For readers of Greek dualistic background, this sentence suggests that the resurrection of Jesus is only spiritual. His flesh is not resuscitated! That goes against basic Christian belief. St. Peter would not have meant this but how should this text square with the basic Christian article of faith? I am not sure whether I can satisfactorily handle it but I have to try.

Peter was a Jew and we need to take into consideration the Hebrew conception of man.
The first chapter of Genesis tells us that man was created in the image of God. It does not deal with flesh and spirit separately. In the second chapter of Genesis, we read of the famous story of the creation of Adam in which God made the flesh of Adam out of adamah (dust) and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life so that man became a living soul nephesh (Genesis 2:7).
When a man dies, his whole being sees corruption and his soul nephesh is left in Sheol (Psalm 16:10).
That is to say, Jews never separate flesh and soul/spirit. The soul/spirit is the animating principle of the flesh which is made of dust. The dust and the spirit together form one whole.
What people can see is the flesh/dust. An animated flesh people see is a living soul (Genesis 2:7). When a man dies or put to death, we see the flesh corrupt and (re)turn to dust. A Jew would say that the living soul is left in Sheol, so to speak. Therefore, when Peter says that Christ is made alive in the spirit, probably he had Genesis 2:7 in mind. It is very likely that he meant the soul/spirit re-enter (through the nostrils perhaps) the flesh which has not yet turned to dust. The living soul (the whole being) of Christ returns from Sheol, in both flesh and spirit. St. Peter was not brought up in Greek culture. He did not possess the slightest trace of Greek dualism in his thought. When he wrote the verse, he did not mean the resurrection of Jesus' spirit only. He meant the living soul/spirit of Jesus and the expression "living soul/spirit" means the whole being of Jesus. I hope I have said correctly enough.

Today, my mum wanted to follow me to attend the monthly permanent deacon sharing. At first, I did not want to bring her along. In a second thought, I should not deny her an opportunity to know more while she is still able to walk around. The day will come when she cannot walk freely unaided, she will not be able to see the mission God has designed for me. At last, I took her along. The deacons, their wives and the Vicar General were all very courteous though her appearance came as a surprise. My mother is very sociable and have no problem in mixing along with total strangers. This is her charisma. In the end, we left after the snack break, contented but a bit exhausted.

Dear Lord, I thank you for giving my mother and me an adventurous opportunity. Have mercy on her and I pray that one day, she may receive baptism. Amen.

One Fold, One Shepherd

In the Catholic Church, the Fourth Sunday of Easter is the Good Shepherd Sunday. Today, we celebrate Christ, our Good Shepherd and we pray for vocation, especially religious vocation of clergy and nuns. This morning, our parish invited one of our parishioners, Brien Wong, who has finished his third year of philosophy training and is entering the next stage of formation in the Holy Spirit Seminary. I listened to his homily twice. His sharing was systematic, sincere and touching. He fine tuned his homily to meet the needs of the two congregations. He did not paint a rosy picture for promotion purposes but the congregations would not miss his point. When God invites us to serve him, He is actually giving us opportunities to obtain more grace. There is abundant grace behind our meagre sacrifices. Fr. Martin Ip was the celebrant of the second mass. After Brien's sharing, he added a remark to bring out what Brien did not speak out explicitly, that in reality, nobody could made sacrifice for God. God is actually inviting us to drink more fully from His abundant life.

Brien began his homily with what all the parishioners were familiar, the clergy. Last Sunday, our parish priest, Fr. Milanese invited him to do a sharing this Sunday. He felt honoured. The mass he attended was celebrated by our retired priest, Fr. Lejeune. His legs were hurting so much so that two acolytes had to support him on both sides to move up the altar. Naturally, Brien asked, "Why does a fragile priest insist on serving the altar and the congregation despite his great pain?" Brien told the congregation that once a senior priest shared his thoughts with the seminarians. The priest said that when joy and enthusiasm welled up in their hearts when they approached the altar, their vocation was still there. However, his heart ached when once he attended an jubilee celebration of a nun, he saw rows of greying priests and nuns.
Brien said he usually lowered his head during homily to listen more attentively to the homily. Once in a while, he looked up. His sight met the gaze of Fr. Lejeune's. Though it was losing its lustre,.it was full of tender aspirations. He told the congregation to cherish the reading of the Scriptures, to draw life from the Word of God.
When the priest hoisted the host during Consecration of the Eucharist, Brien looked up and remembered Jesus' words:
And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me (John 12:32).
After mass, Deacon Tsang approached him and eagerly reminded him of the upcoming sharing. Brien was moved.
These feelings and meditations pretty much summed up his response to God's will.
Brien, God gives you an opportunity to engage full time in meditating your vocation. Pray for me that I am able to discern correctly God's will and respond promptly before it is too late.

Yesterday, it was Buddha's nativity.
The day before (Friday), my parents came over to stay for two days to celebrate my father's birthday which falls on the same date as the Buddha's birthday. This morning, we scheduled to have morning tea in a tea-house and my younger brother would get up at 5 a.m., travel for more than one and a half hour from Chai Wan to have tea with us and bring our parents back. While he was travelling, it poured cats and dogs. Amber heavy rain warning was issued and later elevated to red. My younger brother, who was a retired electrical engineer, knew that we had a busy schedule ahead and would have greater difficulty in taking care of my parents, insisted on bringing home. He had all the contingency plans in his heads and was confident that the rain would stop soon. He proved to be right. I only had to accompany them for three stations and I was persuaded to turn back to attend mass.
My Lord, I entrust my younger brother and my parents in Your care. Have mercy on them. I believe that You have a good plan for them. Amen.


Today, I was attracted to the following familiar verse in particular.
And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd (John 10:16).
Traditionally, we would think of ecumenism among Christians. Christians are human and no matter how much the Lord has taught them about charity, they still argue and insist on their views and consequently, they split. Perhaps these schisms are good for humanity as a whole. Had Christians not broken up, they would not have been more efficient in spreading the Gospel globally. Of course, there are prices to pay because blood was shed in persecutions.
Today, through centuries of evangelical encounters with great civilizations and small, Western Churches have to give up their egocentric religious chauvinism.
Since ancient time, the Church naively claimed that "extra Ecclesiam nulla salus", (EENS outside the Church there is no salvation.) Today, through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, the Church has undergone deeper self-reflection and they reach a better understanding of the meaning of "the Church". The Church cannot imprison God and claims monopoly over His salvation. God is a free God and He has His own ways to save us all, be it Confucius or Matteo Ricci. If the Church is unable to accept and respect other religious traditions and human traditions, she needs to learn from the words of her Lord: there there shall be one fold, and one shepherd. Jesus Christ our Lord is the one Shepherd. Popes, cardinals, bishops and theologians are his helpers. Other religious leaders too work for our Good Shepherd. They have never ever, not Confucius, not even Gautama Buddha or Dalai Lama, claimed to be our Creator or Redeemer. Their job is to enlighten mankind. Only Jesus (of course, other antichrists) claims to be our Creator and Redeemer.
So, when the Church engages in dialogues with other religious traditions, she respects the other party as well as insisting on the role of Jesus as our Sole Saviour. She must keep in mind what the Prince of the Apostle, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, says.
Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved (Acts  4:12).

Dear Lord, strengthen the hesitant hearts to respond to You generously. We need more Shepherd helpers to tender Your flock. Amen.

The story of Stephen

The following exchange took place between Symphorian and me when we went for breakfast before going to Church. Symphorian is eight years old now and finds going to Church on Sundays boring.
S: Believing in God is unscientific.
M: What makes you think that it is unscientific?
S: Scientists do not do this.
M: Son, you are wrong. Some famous scientists, like Newton and Einstein, believe in God.
S: Only some believe in God. Which means some do not believe. If some scientists do not believe, then believing in God is unscientific.
M: (My God, being your father is really challenging!) ...
At that moment, I did not have any satisfactory answer. I am happy that Symphorian is able to articulate his thoughts in his logic. Perhaps what Symphorian needs is not answers but something else. Perhaps he will listen to the same message from the lips of other people but not his father. Father and son should spend more quality time together doing something else.

Miracles are unscientific. But they are elements of all religions and meaningful only to believers. For us Christians, miracles are signs of God's presence. For modern men brought up in this technological age, they are counter-logical and become obstacles to believing in God. Therefore, some Biblical scholars prefer to explain them away. For me, I take them for granted without giving them much thought.
In the Acts, miracles used to be done through the hands of the apostles only.
Now many signs and wonders were done among the people by the hands of the apostles. And they were all together in Solomon's Portico (Acts 5:12).
Things began to change. Though not an apostle, Stephen also worked miracles.
And Stephen, full of grace and power, did great wonders and signs among the people (Acts 6:8).
This was a blessing as well as a curse. Stephen had a price to pay. Instead of being grateful to Stephen, his people began to attack him.
Then some of those who belonged to the synagogue of the Freedmen (as it was called), and of the Cyrenians, and of the Alexandrians, and of those from Cilicia and Asia, arose and disputed with Stephen (Acts 6:9).
I think these were Greek-speaking Jews and Stephen must have been one of them. Alas! How hard it is to spread the gospel among one's countrymen. Though they share the same cultural background, it is hard to convince them. They need other peoples to persuade them in a different tongue. They need missionaries. Familiarity does breed contempt! My Lord, send us more missionaries and commission us to spread Your good news elsewhere.

I don't know. Perhaps my mood is low. I feel that I have reached the end of my wits. Maybe it is time I took a break and stopped writing.
My Lord, do stay by me. Amen.

p.s. Today is the 40^th anniversary of Confirmation.  I sent the following email to my brothers in Christ as well as our Godfather.
Dear Brothers,
It is 0:50 in Hong Kong. Forty years ago, we received the sacrament of Confirmation from the hand of the late Bishop Francis Hsu, the first Chinese Bishop of Hong Kong. May the Holy Spirit continue to empower us in everything we do in the days to come.
Brothers, I have not heard from our beloved Godfather for quite some time. Please look him up and tell me his whereabout.

Yours in the Risen Lord
Alex Kwok

Then, I hear their replies.

---

Hello All,
Alex got to be kidding me! From all the email address within this mail, I guess I've got a price on my head! Here I am still alive! Can you imagine forty years have slipped by us so fast ? Continue to be the witness of God's love through your celebration of life.
I have always been praying to God to give me 70 for which I still have a few years to go. However, every day tomorrow is an extra bonus and let us appreciate it fully.
Joseph

Praise the Lord indeed!
May God continue to guide us to be WSSF, to carry out God’s purpose on earth, to continue spreading love and not hatred or discrimination, and to make this a better place than when we found it.
WSSF is an acronym I created for my children, stands for “Wisdom, Strength, Stamina, and Flexibility”. It is both a noun and an adjective.  It is simply an encompassing prayer: “May God give us the WISDOM to tell right from wrong and to uphold justice for all; may God give us the STRENGTH to execute the action that God have asked us to carry out; may God give us the STAMINA so that we have the energy to complete the tasks God have planned for us; and may God help us to have the FLEXIBILITY to be able to adapt and adjust to situations, and to understand others’ perspectives.”  The enlightenment came across when I was in karate, that it is the ancient martial art philosophy that a martial artist must acquire WSSF, and that the martial art grandmaster is WSSF.
If we can be WSSF, we shall be happy when the time comes, for our lives on Earth have fulfilled the purpose.  When the time comes, God just need us to move on to another project.
Just want to share with you.  May we all have another 40 years to celebrate.  Happy Anniversary!
Eric 

To love till it hurts

Today, we continue to study Isaiah 58. To recap, Isaiah criticized the hypocrisy of the Israelites who wrapped up their sins with piety. Isaiah made it clear that true piety could not be superficial and ritualistic. God wanted reconciliation and charity instead.
What are the fruits of true piety?
Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you, the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, Here I am (Isaiah 58:8-9a).
What does "your righteousness צִדְקֶךָ" mean? The Chinese translation has a more meaningful rendering.
你的救援要走在你前面，Your deliverance shall go before you.
When our piety is true, God will answer us when we call. God will deliver us and heal us. The glory of the Lord will protect us from behind. Then we will become a guiding light for the others, cheering them up and giving them hope. Once more, it is not glory for our own sake, but for the good of the others. It is a reminder of community spirit in this individualistic age.

When we give, we usually give from our spare. When we give, we calculate and reserve some for our own use. How many of us would buy a flag on Saturday for $1000? Of course, people will praise you because you are very generous indeed. Still, you can spare $1000.
What does Isaiah say?
if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday (Isaiah 58:10 RSV).
And if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul; ... (KJV)
你若把你的食糧施捨給飢餓的人，滿足貧窮者的心靈； If you give your food to the hungry and satisfy the soul of the poor ...
KJV is the closest to the Hebrew original. The RSV translation is not satisfactory. The Chinese one is the easiest to understand but not loyal to the original. If you read only one translation of the Bible, you will miss a lot.
Drawing out your soul is more demanding than pouring yourself out and even more challenging than giving your food. It hurts to draw out your soul. God is asking us to empty ourselves until it hurts, to love others until it hurts. Remember to love others not according to our wish, to satisfy our ego, but to love for the dignity and good of the others. This is exactly what Jesus has done for us, to love until he bleeds. Loving your family members can hurt.

My father was discharged this afternoon. It proves that my conjecture was wrong. His condition is stable but my younger brother has to keep watch over him, especially during the critical hours in the morning. For three times my father was rushed to the hospital in the morning before seven. I will visit my father tomorrow after mass.

Dear Lord, I thank You for Your kindness to my father. Lord, help me to love more. Amen.

True to oneself

Today, Isaiah decried the hypocrisy of the Israelites, the house of Jacob. They did not follow the commandments and statues of God. Yet, they wrapped themselves with piety. In so doing, they looked good in front of people, but not in the sight of God.
Yet they seek me daily, and delight to know my ways, as if they were a nation that did righteousness and did not forsake the ordinance of their God; they ask of me righteous judgments, they delight to draw near to God (Isaiah 58:2).
One way to demonstrate their piety was fasting. Yet, in the sight of God, their fasting was worthless because it was selfish and quarrelsome. It did no good to anybody, including themselves.
Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure, and oppress all your workers.
Behold, you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to hit with wicked fist. Fasting like yours this day will not make your voice to be heard on high (Isaiah 3b-4).
God taught them the proper way of fasting. God did not want outward shows of bowing the heads, spreading the sackcloth and ashes. God demanded reconciliation and charity.
Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? (Isaiah 58:6-7)
God wants us to be true to ourselves. Our lives should not be a show to please the others. Otherwise, we shall be controlled by the others.

My father is still staying in the hospital. His condition is stable in the ward. However, the doctor has not been able to identify the cause of the heart condition of my father. He withheld and then resumed the drug prescribed by Dr. John Lee, a cardiology specialist, a Shung Tak alumnus. My younger brother and I expect him to keep my father in the ward until next Monday when Dr. John Lee commences his work after the Lunar New Year. In the meantime, there is nothing we can do but to wait. I stay in Chai Wan with my mother and my brother to keep them company. It gives me a good opportunity to talk with my mother.

My mother was very domineering and possessive. She insisted on Erminia and I staying overnight in Choi Hung in the early days after our marriage. She insisted on buying a flat in Amoy Garden which is close to Choi Hung so that she could take care of our meals. She could not let go her son and surrender him to another woman. I appreciate that she did all these out of her maternal love for me. But I had grown up and married. I needed autonomy. So I moved to Tuen Mun, giving her a lousy excuse that Erminia and her elder sister, Teresa, could support each other. To this day, she still puts the blame on Teresa for my moving away from her. However, she will not display her displeasure in front of my in-laws. Whatever she does, she makes sure that she looks good in front of all. She is never to be blamed. My diabetes is a godsend occasion for our reconciliation. At last, she is able to let go her son and is grateful to Erminia for taking good care of me.
My mother is losing her memory. My younger brother bought some fresh bread and brought it up to the ward to replace some old one for my father. Two minutes later, she asked me where my younger brother had gone. She knows that her memory is failing. She works hard to hold on to her remaining precious memories. But unfortunately, most of her stories are unpleasant ones. In our conversations, she repeats and repeats all those unpleasant stories of old, blaming this relative or that friend. But these stories are her interpretations. She chooses to interpret them with her own prejudice. All that she does, she does to maintain her self-image. She showers favours on people around her to buy herself good relations but they are not grateful. She works hard to stay superior in front of all. She is never to be blamed. I am not saying that my mother is hypocritical. But in the end, she is not happy. To soothe her pains, she resorts to alcoholism. When we try to reason with her, she will put the blame on my father for buying her the wine. In a sense, my mother is not living in the present. She cannot enjoy the good life my father and my younger brother are trying to provide for her. Alas! If we do not choose to be true to ourselves, whatever we do will come back to haunt us. We cannot afford not to be true to ourselves.

Dear Lord, have mercy on my mother. It is my wish as well as my brother's that my parents may spend their remaining days in a peaceful and happy manner. Amen. 

Happy Lunar New Year of the Tiger

Dear Readers,

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR OF THE TIGER
Wish you and your family
An Energetic Year ahead
Good health
Good luck and
An overflowing grace
From our Lord
Amen.

Today is also the sixth Ordinary Sunday of the year. We had Sunday mass as usual. Therefore, we could not have lunch with my father and dinner with my father-in-law as we used to do in previous years. Things turned out to be worse this year. When we arrived at Chai Wan, my younger brother broke the news that father was hospitalized this morning. He was shaking and fell down in the kitchen. My brother was alarmed and found father a bit confused and sweating. My brother called the ambulance and father spent the first day of the Lunar New Year in hospital. Thank God, when we visited him in the ward, father was OK. In fact, I worry more about my brother. His burden is heavy taking care of our aging parents. I will stay with him tomorrow and hopefully, father will be discharged soon.

Dear Lord, You are our strength in times of hardship. In Your hands I entrust my parents and my brother. Amen.

God rejected Eliab

History is occupied by famous people. Most of us remain anonymous. I am sure these famous people are not too different from us. After all, we are all sinners in need of God's salvation and in the end, we all share the eternal life of God. I believe that in the eyes of God, we are equally valuable to Him.

The reading today tells us how God had rejected the seven elder sons of Jesse to choose David to replace Saul (1 Samuel 16:1-13).
God sent Samuel to Jesse to anoint David. Such a mission would provoke Saul and the life of Samuel would be jeopardized. Therefore, God instructed Samuel to camouflage.
And the LORD said, "Take a heifer with you, and say, 'I have come to sacrifice to the LORD.'
And invite Jesse to the sacrifice, and I will show you what you shall do; and you shall anoint for me him whom I name to you." (1 Samuel 16:2b-3)
After all, in order to protect innocent life, extraordinary action has to be taken. Learn this lesson.
When the sons of Jesse lined up in front of Samuel, Eliab impressed him with the height of his statue. But he was not destined to be chosen.
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for the LORD sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7)
God looks on the heart. Remember this.
When all seven elder sons were rejected, there remained the youngest, David. He was sent for.
And he sent, and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, and had beautiful eyes, and was handsome. And the LORD said, "Arise, anoint him; for this is he." (1 Samuel 16:12)
David was ruddy and had beautiful eyes, and was handsome. It is not yet time to reveal his heart. We have to patiently wait to see his heart unfold.
When God chose David, I am sure He sees the whole life of David. He has prepared David to take up the kingship despite all the flaws and sins of David. Later in his life, David committed adultery and murder. Yet, God still prepares him, chooses him and blesses him.

I keep my mother in my heart. I keep my friends in my heart. I keep my students in my heart. If I just look at their flaws: addiction, authority abuses, despair, extra-marital affairs, infirmity of body and mind, loneliness ... there are countless. If I look at their merits, there are countless too. Each of us has a role to play in God's plan and each of us, however flawed we are, will share the eternal life of God. Eliab was rejected. Yet he still had a life to fulfill. The rich young man declined the call of Jesus and left no record in the gospels. Yet I am sure he was able to attain salvation in the end. Why am I so confident? It is because God loves to elevate the lowly and makes good out of evil. The way I see it, good and evil are embedded within each other. David, a holy king, committed adultery and murder. It takes a good Lord to draw out good from evil and God is perfectly good. God loved David as well as Eliab, Cain as well as Abel. Our flaws will leave injuries on each other and our future generations. But God will heal us all.

Dear Lord, I pray for the well being of my mother, the godmother of my sons, my friends and students. I entrust them in Your mercy. Heal us, Lord. Amen.

Second Ordinary Sunday (Year C)

This morning, Wulstan and I were having breakfast in the McDonald's before going to mass. He drew my attention to what Fr. Lejeune mentioned last Sunday in the homily. It was the first ordinary Sunday of the liturgical year and the Feast of the Baptism of Jesus. To recap, Fr. Lejeune focused on our becoming the beloved sons of God. Through baptism, we become him (Jesus), not his (Jesus'). Wulstan studied philosophy and he knows something about Chinese philosophy as well. Immediately, he could understand Fr. Lejeune's idea in terms of Zhuang Zhou's（莊周）de-materialization （物化）. This Chinese term comes to us from Zhuang's story. Once he dreamt of himself as a butterfly flopping freely around. Once awaken, Zhuang wondered whether he had dreamt of becoming a butterfly or a butterfly dreamt of becoming Zhuang. These two entities: Zhuang and butterfly are distinct in the "real" world. Now, Zhuang felt that he was one with the world. This「物化」is difficult to translate because once translated, you have taken a position. Here, de-materialization means the breaking down of the differentiation between the self and the material world. Of course, John's theology talks about the oneness of Jesus and his followers. Such oneness breaks down the barrier between divinity and humanity. It makes the divinization of human a possibility. Man is raised to share the divinity of God.

Today, Fr. Lejeune continued to celebrate the 11 a.m. mass with us and the gospel reading is the famous story of Jesus' first miracle in the wedding banquet at Cana (John 2:1-11). Fr. Lejeune focused on Mary's words to the servants.
His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you." (John 2:5)
Mary is our model. She pays attention to the needs of the people. Christians should do likewise. She told Jesus that the people had run out of wine. Christians should pray to God for their needs as well as the needs of their neighbours. Of course, Jesus knew even before Mary told him. God knows our needs even before we are aware of them. But what is the proper way to meet our needs? Should we satisfy ourselves with whatever means at hand? No. Do whatever Jesus tells us. We should follow God's will to meet our needs, to meet the needs of our neighbours. At the moment, the Haitians are in desperate need of international relief. Christians should lend their helping hands.

Then, Fr. Lejeune turned to another direction. He told us that many Biblical scholars have noticed the link between the Cana banquet and the Last Supper. Jesus began and ended his public ministry with a meal. In the Cana banquet, Jesus turned water into wine. In the Last Supper, Jesus turned wine into his blood. Now, water and blood become one through the life of Jesus. With the sacrament of the Holy Communion, Jesus and we become one. We are de-materialized in the sacrament. Jesus is the prime sacrament. We are sacraments in the world. We are de-materialized not in dreams, but in doing Jesus' commandments. The commandment is to love each other as Jesus has loved us (John 13:34). It is both mysterious and practical. Returning to the liturgy, Fr. Lejeune reminded us of the importance of receiving the Holy Communion properly.

Dear Lord, I am but a bunch of base materials. I am not worthy to become one with You. Yet You come to me. I am speechless to thank You. May my life be a sacrament in the world. Amen.

Mother Instinct

As a man, I am in no position to comment on "mother instinct". I am not endowed to carry a fetus inside my body, experience its growth and the concomitant hormonal changes, bodily changes and emotional fluctuations. Therefore, readers can ignore the following reflections.

Elkanah had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Hannah was barren and Peninnah bore children to Elkanah. Elkanah loved Hannah. Every year, they went to Shiloh to offer sacrifice to the Lord and Elkanah gave portions to the family members.
and, although he loved Hannah, he would give Hannah only one portion, because the LORD had closed her womb (1 Samuel 1:5).
What was worse, Peninnah would take the occasion to provoke Hannah sorely every year. Of course Hannah was sad. Elkanah tried to console her.
And Elkanah, her husband, said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?"(1 Samuel 1:8)
Of course not! To a woman, a husband is not a son. He is only the son of another woman, not her own son. Elkanah thought too highly of himself. A husband can satisfy his wife in all ways, but he can never satisfy her mother instinct without the help of God.
Thanks to Erminia, my wife. She has been very generous in giving birth to four children for me, two before the eruption of my diabetes and two after. The latter two restore my confidence in life. The four of them strengthen me and have given me the drive to hang on, to strike the best out of my life. All four give their mother headaches and great satisfactions and cheer her up when I have been too burdensome for her.

The experience of pregnancy is beyond the reach of man. At most, man can invest his energy to create his brain-child. Still, it is a sensation of the brain, not his womb which is absent in man. The experience of pregnancy must be fascinating beyond man's imagination. Perhaps one day, technology is able to simulate such an experience in infertile women for nine months. Perhaps then, curious men may be able to steal the joy of pregnancy. Then, men may better know women.

Currently, many couples prefer not to bear babies. They are able to put forth many reasons. If they need the warmth and companionship of children, they keep pets or adopt orphans. However, they still miss the emotional satisfactions of pregnancy. The women, and perhaps the men will feel unfulfilled. I should stop now lest I offend many people.

Dear Lord, I pray for my mother and all mothers. Their children may not be successful or perfect. Bless them for they cooperate with You to bring new lives, new hopes on earth. Amen.

Matrimony

It was my pleasure to attend the matrimony ceremony of the parents of my two godsons who are teenagers now. The ceremony was held in a beautiful chapel dedicated to St. Padre Pio. It was solemn and meaningful. There was a private reception afterward.

Fr. John Paul officiated at the ceremony. In his homily, he made it clear that the true ministers of this sacrament were not him, the priest, but the bride and the bridegroom. This occasion is a happy occasion. It is a celebration, a celebration of the union between a man and his wife. Such a union is an inexhaustible source of spirituality. He humbly limited himself to mention just three points.

In matrimony, husband and wife give themselves without reservation to the other party. This total commitment does not depend on moods and romantic feelings. It is an act of love which must be out-giving, not just outgoing.
Secondly, they become one. But it is not just a physical union of the flesh but also a union of the mind and soul. It is particularly important for Christian husbands and wives to share their spiritual life. Most of them are probably spiritually very deep in private without knowing that they can nourish the spiritual life of each other.
Lastly, their love is everlasting. In their nuptial vows, they swore to God, in the presence of the Church, that till death they part. But even death is unable to kill their love. Many widows or widowers still experience and miss their deceased spouses. Their love for each other lasts beyond death, until they reunite again in heaven.
It was a lovingly touching homily.

Thank God. Many priests are able to show the mercy and love of God while others act more or less like judges in upholding the Canon Law. These friends of mine have been married by civil rites for many years without undergoing the proper matrimony rites in the Church. From the point of view of the Canon Law, their marriage is not "valid". They are only cohabiting together and giving birth to children for many years. But Fr. John Paul looks at it in a different way. These years of living together to build up a family and raising children concretely demonstrate the faithfulness and truthfulness of their love! They are not living in a state of sin.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love (1 John 4:18).

Dear Lord, I pray for the marriages of the friends I know. Bless their marriages so that they bear good fruits, raising the spirituality of them, their children, friends and neighbours who witness the success of their marriages. Amen.

A hectic day

Saturday began with the Morning Prayer cum breakfast in the McDonald's. This morning, Shung Tak continued to entertain more than 100 primary six students in the region, training them for the 61^st Speech Festival. This was the work of the Publicity and Promotion Committee headed by Emily Ma. She stepped down from the post of English panel head and wanted to focus more on the things she liked doing. However, she could not do it without the support from the other English teachers. Unfortunately, the timing was bad, in the sense that there had been other functions going on. So, the English teachers involved had to come back to Shung Tak for 13 consecutive days without a break! The marking load of the language teachers is heavy, but being an English teacher in Shung Tak is far more demanding. We are working with a high-tension cable without knowing it. A new English teacher, who had taught in another school for many years, resigned after 10 days. John Wong came to substitute. He also felt the stress. He promises to stay until the end of October.

The standard of the primary six students varied. Some were experienced and did very well. Others suffered from stage fright and forgot their lines. These poor little souls needed more practices in front of the whole class in order to overcome their nervousness. One of these little girls happened to be the daughter of Helen who is also an old student of Shung Tak. She is Teresa Chung and she did quite well. Since this was a promotion function, I put on my tie. Probably I had scared some of these little souls. Well, life is tough, girls! I put detailed remarks on a marking scheme which was given back to each participant. So, my group finished last. When I returned to the staff room, an old student Cherry came back to take photos with her teachers in her graduation gown. Shung Tak students have this tradition. Congratulations! Cherry.

The Introduction to Theology lesson this afternoon was very enjoyable. Fr. Stephen Wong explained the transcendental model of Lonergan to us. Traditional scholastic metaphysics takes the existence of being for granted. From the existence of being, it develops other branches of knowledge. Neo-Thomism asks two further questions. How do we know that our knowledge corresponds to reality? Take one more step back. How do we acquire knowledge? So, Fr. Lonergan developed a theory of cognitive knowledge to answer the first question.
After explaining the 4-layer model, Fr. Wong invited us to refute the model. He was trying to show that in order to refute this model, we are actually using this model. Most of us actively put forth our opinions. The quality of this class of classmates is very good. Though transportation takes up nearly 5 hours a day for three days, it is worthwhile.

After the lesson, I rushed to Regal Kowloon Hotel to take part in a Graduation Silver Jubilee Reunion dinner. A good number of old colleagues turned up, including Messrs Henry Lau, "Taipan" Chiu, Shum Mou Kei, Peter Chiu, Ho Ching Hin, Peter Lee, Peter Cheung, YY Kan, Victor Lo, Tong Wun Shing (Vice-Principal) and Peggy Lee. In his opening speech, the headboy also mentioned Chan Chao Mo (the PE teacher) who has recently been transferred from ICU to the general ward. May God bless him. Many students came up to introduce themselves to me. I could immediately recognize their faces and shamefully only remember a few of their names. I was particularly elated when some of my Legionaries showed up. This batch of students were also the guinea pigs of Computer Studies which was introduced in 1982. Those were good old days when my students and I learned computer together. John Kam, who passed away in April, was fondly remembered. During dinner time, our discussion centred on the merits and demerits of La Salle switching to Direct Subsidy. The whole table unanimously agreed that La Salle should not. The headboy summed up very well. La Salle had a mission of providing an opportunity for children from lower-income families to receive quality education. This is a noble mission and should be accomplished at all costs.

Dear Lord, I love these boys. I thank You for putting me in La Salle to receive my education. May I be a handy instrument of Yours, serving You and Your Church. Amen.

Feast of St. Augustine (Year B)

The Catholic Church celebrates the feast day of St. Augustine today. Yesterday, we celebrated the feast day of his mother St. Monica who had prayed for his conversion for 17 years. The bond between mother and son is very strong. The story of St. Augustine demonstrated it well. It took 17 years for this Prodigal Son to return home. It wasn't too late. St. Monica was able to spend about half a year of quality life together with this converted son.

Saturnia is a good girl. She visited grandmother and spent a night in Chai Wan. My younger brother invited her to try out living in Chai Wan so that it would be easier for her to travel to Hong Kong University to study. We did not expect any miracle. Grandmother did not stop her drinking for just one evening. What a pity! She deprives herself of an opportunity to live one sober day, to build a warm relationship with her granddaughter she is so proud of. Poor mum, she has been doing a lot of things which turn out to alienate herself with her family members and close relatives. Of course, it is a deep issue and we cannot fantasize converting an alcoholic in just one day.
Saturnia is also a sensitive girl. She could feel the emotional pressure my father and young brother suffer. She knows that she is too young to handle this. Therefore, she decided not to live in Chai Wan in her university years. My wife and me told her that she was a brave girl. She had already done a terrific job, trying to build up a meaningful relationship with an alcoholic grandmother.
I have been teaching the topic of addiction in CEE RS for about ten years. Theoretically, an addiction victim (drug, gambling, alcohol etc.) brings havoc to his family and his friends. Yet, I can feel it only when my own fingers get burnt.
Dear Lord, how long will my parents and younger brother continue to suffer before my mother is able to quit? Have mercy on us Lord.

After praising the good performance of the Thessalonians and encouraging them to endure afflictions, St. Paul turned to their problems. He told them to abstain from unchastity (1 Thessalonians 4:3), to take a wife in holiness and honour (1 Thessalonians 4:4). Nobody should wrong his brother in this matter (1 Thessalonians 4:6). I suppose St. Paul was talking about adultery. Interesting enough, in this early epistle, St. Paul had already hinted at a very mature view on marriage. Though St. Paul did not write it out explicitly, he expected husbands and wives to sanctify themselves in marriage.
For God has not called us for uncleanness, but in holiness.
Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you (1 Thessalonians 4:7-8).
Therefore, it is a bit surprising to read some very negative views on marriage in the first Epistle to the Corinthians.

We are called to lead a life in holiness but it is difficult to see the transcendental dimension in our daily life. It seems to be very abstract. So, how are we able to see what it means to be "called in holiness"?
Last evening, I was trying to get to St. Joseph's Church in Kowloon Bay to attend the requiem mass for Stephen Wong at 8. I checked the bus company webpage and found a 268C whose terminus is in Long Ping West Rail Station. I could have taken any Yuen Long LRT to Shui Bin Station to take the bus. I missed a train. The next Yuen Long train would arrive 7 minutes later. Yet, a 751 LRT came which could take me to the Tin Shui Wai West Rail Station from which I could go to Long Ping. I am a rather impatient man. I prefer moving to waiting. So I jumped onto the 751. In hindsight, I found it a bad decision.
When I left the Long Ping Station and was standing in the mini-bus terminus which I was familiar, I discovered my mistake. I did not know where the bus terminus was! I attempted searching it for some time and asked a shopkeeper who directed me to the wrong bus terminus. I was running out of time. So I gave up searching and walked to the 268C bus stop in Yuen Long. That was not my usual practice, not my modus operandi. Thank God, by the time I reached the bus stop, a 268C just arrived. Had I insisted on searching the terminus, I would have missed this coach which took me to St. Joseph's just in time.
In this incident, I could see God frustrating me so that I was able to catch the coach just in time. Have I seen the transcendental dimension in daily reality?

Dear Lord, teach us so that we are able to relate the daily reality to You and Your will. Amen.

Queenship of Mary (Year B)

I got up early in the morning because today I had to attend a written test administrated by Fr. George Zee, S.J. together with 4 other permanent deacon aspirants. In the years I attended the Biblical Institute, it took me about 45 minutes to get to Kowloon Wah Yan from my school in Hung Shui Kiu. My timing was not as good today because I began my journey not from school but from home. My usual practice is to have my breakfast and morning prayer at the McDonald's before I take the LRT. This morning, I listened to the tiny voice, bought a bun instead of eating breakfast at the McDonald's. I took the West Rail directly, reciting my morning prayer on the train. By the time I reached the vicinity of Wah Yan, I still had thirteen minutes. So, I could enjoy a noodle breakfast in the fast food shop I frequently patronized in the three years I attended the Biblical Institute. The shop owner still recognized me. How warm! When I arrived, I was five minutes late. The other four candidates had just started. Anyway, the tiny voice proves to be right most of the time. It is my fault not to follow its advice frequently enough.

I was caught unprepared because the written test turned out to be a personality test. Well, had I been told explicitly beforehand, I would have prepared and the result would not have been accurate, right?
The test consists of several components. First of all, I had to fill in a questionnaire, specifically designed for young aspirants. It focuses more on the childhood experience and the relations with the parents and siblings. Of course, drawing pictures seems to be a routine. The last part proved to be the most difficult for me. I had to write down eight different feelings which came up frequently within this month. For each such feeling, I also had to write down the occasions in which such a feeling arose and gave an explanation why such a feeling came up.
This is summer holiday and I stayed at home reading most of the time. There were not many events and my feelings were rather steady and calm. I managed to write down two positive feelings which were then followed by four negative feelings and for each one of them, I was able to write down two to three events. It took me quite a long time before I was able to write down the seventh one. I had tried very hard to listen to the tiny voice. I could not. Probably some kind of repression had been working to block the feeling from surfacing to my consciousness. I gave up, let go to relax a bit. Then, it dawned to me that for the last seven years, my working relations with the two principals were not good and I had the feeling that my efforts had not been appreciated. I was not able to write down the eighth feeling. But I am sure Fr. George Zee is very experienced. I think I have supplied him with enough materials to analyze my personality to see whether I am a suitable candidate.
At last, each one of us had an interview with Fr. Zee. I came last because I was the last to arrive and the last to finish my assignments. Fr. Zee was very warm, supportive and non-judgmental. He suffered from throat cancer and had undergone operation. Indeed, he had difficulty speaking aloud to us. A year before, Margaret had invited me to pray for his health. I am glad to see that Fr. Zee seems to be recovering. May the motherly Queen of Heaven continue to intercede for the health of this servant who has devoted his whole life to seek the greater glory of the Lord.

The La Salle '79 graduates were celebrating their thirtieth anniversary. I was invited to join them. It was a pity that this event crashed with the birthday of Symphorian. I would not stay behind to join them for cocktail reception and dinner. I could only join their photo session at five. I am glad to meet many old colleagues: Messrs Gaggino, Chiu (Taipan), Shum Mou Kei, John Au, Albert Loong, Cheung Ting Por, Peter Lee, Lau Kon Ting, Y.Y. Kan, Peter Cheung, Leung Ngan Kwan etc. They are healthy and lively. Mr. John Au even came to La Salle to coach the students soccer, I believe. Brother Patrick came down from the quarters to join us.
I am also thrilled to see so many old students come together. They had to come to me to introduce themselves because though I could still recognize their faces, the physiques of many of them had changed a lot. It was impossible to associate their names with their faces even if I could remember all their names. There is no question about the organization skills of these wonderful boys. Their dedication as well as the sense of belonging is an envy of many other schools. Boys, I am proud of you. La Salle was and still is truly something more.

Dear Lord, You made the Blessed Virgin to be our Mother and our Queen. You have demonstrated the destiny of her children. May we look up to our Queen and Mother in Heaven, to follow her footsteps so that Your will be done on us. Amen.

Feast of St. Benedict

I started writing this blog some 550 days ago to put down my reflections on the daily reading of the Bible. Thus far, I have made it no closer to Divina Lectio. I have not followed the Rules of St. Benedict (480-543) and have been too intellectual.
The article written by Terry Matz in Catholic OnLine throws a new light on my understanding of the life of St. Benedict. She began with a very perceptive description of modern life.

Our impatience to get to the end, our focus on completion rather than process is a real danger in reading Scripture when every word is from God and has a power all its own.

At the end, Terry mentions the miracle of a nearly empty bottle overflowing with oil. So, when we read the Bible, let us empty our hearts like the oil-bottle in the miracle. Allow God to fill it until it overflows. This is a lovely image. We modern people are too busy, too much occupied to make room for God to work miracle in us. St. Benedict, pray for us, that we may truly benefit from the correct way of reading the Scripture. Amen.

Let me return to Genesis.
At his deathbed, Jacob told his children to bury him with his fathers.
Then he charged them, and said to them, "I am to be gathered to my people; bury me with my fathers in the cave that is in the field of Ephron the Hittite,
in the cave that is in the field at Machpelah, to the east of Mamre, in the land of Canaan, which Abraham bought with the field from Ephron the Hittite to possess as a burying place.
There they buried Abraham and Sarah his wife; there they buried Isaac and Rebekah his wife; and there I buried Leah --
the field and the cave that is in it were purchased from the Hittites." (Genesis 49:29-32)
After reading this, the memory of my grandmother began to materialize in my mind's eyes. My grandmother became a widow when my father was still very young. Probably, it was rather prevalent at a time of opium-infested China. She lived to a full age. I can still remember the scene when a "bare-foot doctor" administered acupuncture to cure her illness. But I do not have the faintest memory of what my grandfather looked like. Ashamed to say, I even am not sure of his name! No, I must do something to make sure that my children know my father's name!
And Joseph commanded his servants the physicians to embalm his father. So the physicians embalmed Israel;
forty days were required for it, for so many are required for embalming. And the Egyptians wept for him seventy days (Genesis 50:2-3).
It took 40 days to embalm Jacob and the Egyptians wept for Jacob for 70 days. Jacob settled in Egypt at the age of 130 (Genesis 47:9). He had spent only 17 years in Egypt and in such an advanced age, Jacob could not have contributed much to the Egyptians. Yet he received royal treatment and was buried like a Pharaoh. This must have been the gratitude the Egyptians owed Joseph, not Jacob. Joseph saved the Egyptians from famine. Therefore, Jacob was honoured because of his son Joseph.
To a certain extent, Egyptian burial customs have influenced the Jewish ones. That explains why Jesus was buried, embalmed with a hundred pounds of myrrh and aloe by Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus (John 19:38-39). The author of John wanted to treat Jesus like a Pharaoh.
To a certain extent, Mary is honoured because of her son Jesus. That was why Mary was able to make this prophecy.
for he has regarded the low estate of his handmaiden. For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed (Luke 1:48).
Of course, the Blessed Virgin Mary has her own role to play in the salvation of mankind. Yet, like Israel, Mary cannot overshadow Jesus.
As demanded, Jacob was not buried in Egypt and the family members mourned for 7 days at the threshing floor of Atad (Genesis 50:10). Here we have another etymology story.
When the inhabitants of the land, the Canaanites, saw the mourning on the threshing floor of Atad, they said, "This is a grievous mourning to the Egyptians." Therefore the place was named Abelmizraim; it is beyond the Jordan (Genesis 50:11).

וַיַּרְא יוֹשֵׁב הָאָרֶץ הַכְּנַעֲנִי אֶת-הָאֵבֶל, בְּגֹרֶן הָאָטָד, וַיֹּאמְרוּ, אֵבֶל-כָּבֵד זֶה לְמִצְרָיִם; עַל-כֵּן קָרָא שְׁמָהּ, אָבֵל מִצְרַיִם, אֲשֶׁר, בְּעֵבֶר הַיַּרְדֵּן

Today was a hectic day. In the afternoon, I attended the ordination of 5 deacons at the Cathedral.
Therefore, brethren, pick out from among you seven men of good repute, full of the Spirit and of wisdom, whom we may appoint to this duty (Acts 6:3).
Alex, are you a man of good repute? Are you full of Spirit and of wisdom?
My Lord, I know I still have a long way to go.

In the evening, I went to the farewell dinner in honour of John Wong. Had it been a regular annual dinner for the staff of Shung Tak, there would only have been about 6 tables. Tonight, there were nearly 40 tables. The alumni were really very supportive to their alma mater. When speeches were made, the majority of the guests did not listen. It was a rare opportunity for old friends to come together and share. But when John made his vote of thanks, he had all our ears. John was as diplomatic and humble as he always has been. He did not take the limelight but paid tribute to nearly everyone he had come across in these forty years and were present at the dinner. When these people, ex-principals, ex-colleagues as well as the alumni, were honoured, he was honoured. In particular, those ex-colleagues who spent their whole career in Shung Tak, were elated. "One life, one job" was the keynote of John. I still have a lot to learn from him, his proficiency in English as well as his diplomacy. The dinner came to a climax when the 4 tenors of Shung Tak, all vice-principals, sang together a Canto pop song on stage. What a memorable night.

Dear Lord, I pray for John. I wish him a happy retirement ahead. I pray for myself. If You permit, may I continue to contribute to the character formation of the students You entrust in my hand. May I continue to pursue Your call to serve the Church and the needy. Amen.

Home sweet home?

"All happy families are alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
This is the most quoted first line of the novel Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy published in 1877. Let's face it, though families have long been held to be the basic building cells of a society, many of these cells are dysfunctional. Though families are supposed to provide safe havens conducive to the healthy development of children, many of us city people are dumbfounded by evening news that just around the corner in our neighbourhood, some of these "havens" turn out to be torture chambers of minors.  Happy families are rare. If the Bible provides us with more than an idealized picture of societies in ancient Near East, we have to admire the candour of the authors, especially that of Genesis which we are reading. He did not shy away from telling us child abuses, co-wife rivalries, incest and sibling rivalries etc. down right from the very first family.

The Bible has not told us the life of any slave family, if slaves had ever been able to build up any so-called family. Slaves worked most of the time for their masters. They did not have the time and freedom to do their personal things beyond the bare necessities. In fact, high living standards in Hong Kong have forced many parents into slave-like working parents. They have very little time to spend with their family members. True, many successful professionals choose to remain single. Even if they get married, they prefer keeping pets to raising children of their own. These more capable people do not want to waste their energy in building and maintaining families. Their commitment lies elsewhere. I am afraid Genesis will not be able to shed any light on the family life of these two groups of people. So, let me return to my own situation.
Sibling rivalry is one of the main themes running through Genesis. Cain killed Abel out of jealousy. Among the three sons of Noah, only Shem's family was highlighted. Ishmael was driven out by his father Abraham and only Isaac remained. Isaac married Rebekah at forty (Genesis 25:20). Rebekah was barren and had to wait until twenty years later when she was able to give birth to a pair of twin brothers, Esau and Jacob.
When the boys grew up, Esau was a skilful hunter, a man of the field, while Jacob was a quiet man, dwelling in tents.
Isaac loved Esau, because he ate of his game; but Rebekah loved Jacob (Genesis 25:27-28).
Genesis tells a little story to show the unworthiness of Esau. He despised his own birthright (Genesis 25:29-34).

When Isaac was 100, Esau his firstborn took two alien wives and they made life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah.
When Esau was forty years old, he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite;
and they made life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 26:34-35).
With this background, Rebekah engineered a coup d'état for Jacob to obtain the firstborn blessing from Isaac who was old and blind by then (Genesis 27:6-29). Consequently, Esau swore to kill Jacob.
Now Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him, and Esau said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are approaching; then I will kill my brother Jacob." (Genesis 27:41)


Genesis tells us that Rebekah did not regret what she had done. She did it because of the alien daughters-in-law. She was certain that Esau was only impulsive in issuing the death threat but it would only be a threat after all. It would not materialize. Listen to this mother.
But the words of Esau her older son were told to Rebekah; so she sent and called Jacob her younger son, and said to him, "Behold, your brother Esau comforts himself by planning to kill you.
Now therefore, my son, obey my voice; arise, flee to Laban my brother in Haran,
and stay with him a while, until your brother's fury turns away;
until your brother's anger turns away, and he forgets what you have done to him; then I will send, and fetch you from there. Why should I be bereft of you both in one day?"
Then Rebekah said to Isaac, "I am weary of my life because of the Hittite women. If Jacob marries one of the Hittite women such as these, one of the women of the land, what good will my life be to me?" (Genesis 27:42-46)

This is the last word we hear Rebekah speak. She wanted no more Hittitie daughter-in-law!
The relationship between mothers and daughters-in-law has never been easy regardless of which culture you are in. As a man, it is incomprehensible to me but I can feel the strain when I am caught in the crossfire. Being the firstborn, it is inevitable for me to be the target of favouritism from both of my parents. My mother's is smothering. Luckily, my younger brother supports me a lot. He did not gain the same intensity of love from mum because, according to her, my younger brother cried too loudly in his childhood! But his personality is more independent because from primary 4, my parents sent him boarding in Aberdeen Technical School run by the Salesians. Regrettably, my mother did not allow him to be baptized. Therefore, rivalry between us was reduced to nought. We studied in different schools, worked in different fields and hanged around in different social circles. Now that I have a family of my own, he still lives with my parents, remaining single. I feel like owing him something. Now that I have 4 children of my own, I hope I have loved them enough yet not smothering. I hope they will support each other like arms and limbs.

My Lord, I thank You for the blessings You have been showering on my family. I believe in Your miracles and the importance of families. I pray that children from dysfunctional families may grow out of their traumas and come forever closer to You. Amen.

I will ... if God wills

Very often, we are arrogant without knowing it. We look at our successes and forget those who made our successes possible. Therefore, it is a virtue to be humble. I will do such and such if God wills. Without God's permission, no activity, not even charity, is possible. Many, especially government officials, choose to do nothing because doing nothing will make no mistakes. But there is one mistake called "omission". Sometimes, not doing anything in itself is already a mistake.

My younger brother was an electrical engineer. From the engineering point of view, he must do whatever within his power to arrest mother's downfall into alcoholism. He cannot afford the consequences which, he knows, are inevitable. Mother will suffer a stroke and become bed-ridden. Sooner or later, it will happen and he feels that he is unable to take care of her in such a state. And he knows that mother will not accept such a dependent state of life. Every one of us will suffer from alcoholism. At the present moment, he feels that he is already overloaded. My younger brother is sending out his distress signal. Mother, whether she is sober or not, does not understand. We are helpless. God knows. We will do whatever we can if God wills. Amen.

Yet another summary of Israelite history

Barnabas and Saul began their first missionary journey after the Holy Spirit spoke to the Church in Antioch (of Syria).
While they were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, "Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them." (Acts 13:2)
From Antioch, they proceeded to Selucia, Cyprus and in Salamis, John Mark joined them (Acts 13:5). In Paphos, they defeated a magician Bar-Jesus and converted the proconsul Sergius Paulus (Acts 13:6-12). Saul began to be known as Paul in Paphos (Acts 13:9).
Now Paul and his company set sail from Paphos, and came to Perga in Pamphylia. And John left them and returned to Jerusalem (Acts 13:13).
From Perga, they reached Antioch of Pisidia. On Sabbath, Paul stood up to speak in the synagogue. He delivered yet another summary of the history of Israel. He began with the patriarchs without naming them. No Abraham, no Jacob. True to his upbringing as a Pharisee, Paul substantiated his history with numbers! 40 years in the wilderness. 450 years in Canaan before the appearance of the Judges. 40 years of the reign of Saul, the first Israel king. In this summary, Moses and Joshua were not named. Samuel, David and John the Baptist were. From David, Paul immediately jumped to Jesus (Acts 13:17-25). So, Paul told the history of Israel to lay the foundation for his preaching that Jesus alone is the source of salvation. We will come back to this tomorrow.
It would be interesting to compare Paul's version with that of Stephen. Stephen spoke in greater details the story of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob,  Joseph and Moses. From Joshua, Stephen jumped to David, then Solomon who built the first Temple. The last words of Stephen were devoted to show that God did not need a Temple and thus earned him his death! In short, Stephen told the history of Israel in order to prove that Temple worship was not essential for salvation. Once more, history is to be read with interpretations.
In the CDSC general meeting today, I met Maggie. She is now four months pregnant. What a happy wife and mother. Silly woman. Other people knew of her pregnancy before she herself did! One day, she vomited in class. The next day, students in the corridors made way for her, shouting at others not to knock down this pregnant lady. Students are excited and become more considerate towards her. When she felt a bit sick or dizzy, they would pull her a chair to sit down. Maggie is very smart. She immediately told them how much sufferings their mothers had to go through, carrying them to term. She is a lovely teacher, a blessing to her students.
Shung Tak has no luck. Many lady teachers do not consider marriage. Even married ladies there do not incline to bear children. Of course, it is their personal freedom and choices. But our students are deprived of the joy of witnessing the joy and wonder of motherhood. Shung Tak is barren! Is she under some curses from God? Once more, it is open to interpretations.
Sorry for being pessimistic. In fact, Sonia has given birth to a strong and healthy boy some months ago. Shung Tak is not at all barren.

Dear Lord, bless Shung Tak. Today, the net imprisoning the Madonna was removed. If there be any curses on us, remove them together with the net. Amen.

Songs

I have been a lucky man. I was brought up in a normal low-incoming family, spending my formative years in a low-cost housing estate. My father has been a hard working shopkeeper to bring me and my younger brother up, my mother an ordinary housewife like any others. We experienced financial hardship but I managed to graduate from the university and land in a steady job as a teacher. God has been very kind to me.
One of my classmates was less fortunate. He never knows who his father was. He grew up as a step-son and in his wedding banquet, his surname did not appear in the banquet hall. In his youth and throughout his life, he manages to attract and establish liaisons with different women. In the end, he divorced his wife and is probably living with another woman. He needs to establish his identity through these different liaisons. His life is a totally different song from mine. As an RS teacher, I have difficulty in speaking against divorce.
for God created man for incorruption, and made him in the image of his own eternity,
but through the devil's envy death entered the world, and those who belong to his party experience it  (Wisdom 2:23-24).

My God, we are Your songs. When we finish our coda, remember us in Your eternity. Amen.

And what is faith?

Of her two sons, I am my mother's favourite. I am more obedient, more submissive to her demands. My friends would describe her as domineering. My younger brother spent about seven years of his formative years boarding at Aberdeen Technical School. Therefore, he is more autonomous, more independent-minded. Yet, it was I who got married and my younger brother remains single, still living and taking care of her. I am building up my own family whereas my younger brother would not have his. Of course, many factors have come into play and it is impossible to analyze or pass judgment on who is right, who is wrong. However, one thing is certain. My faith in people is weak.
Meeting Erminia has been a blessing for me. She is able to boost my faith in God and in men. This is something my mother has not given me. I cannot blame her because she is also a product of her own generation. As the eldest daughter of a well-off business man, she was confident and had several maidens to serve her. She was generous in showering people with favours so that they should be grateful and respectful to her in return. She does not have faith in people. As a wife, she has suffered enough hardship with a low-income shopkeeper, my beloved father. It was a remarkable feat. As a mother, she needs to put all her bets on her sons. This explains her being domineering. Still I love her and miss her absence which I created myself. I moved away from her to a far away place immediately after marriage. It took my diabetes to reconcile my mother and me. My diabetes is really a blessing in disguise. Not only did it improve the relationship between my mother and me, it enhances my faith in God.
Hebrew 11 deals extensively with the faith of most of the prominent figures in the Old Testament: Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Rahab, Gideon, Barak, Jason, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets ... It sheds light on how the people of the New Testament understood faith in God. But it is interesting that Joshua was not mentioned by name and among the women, Sarah and Rahab were highlighted. A particular verse is interesting.
Women received their dead by resurrection (Hebrews 11:35a).
Probably this refers to the widows whose sons were raised by Elijah, Elisha and even Jesus.
Then the author continues to describe persecutions suffered by the prophets, the people under tyranny, perhaps as well as Christians tortured under the Roman Empire.
Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, that they might rise again to a better life.
Others suffered mocking and scourging, and even chains and imprisonment.
They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were killed with the sword; they went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, ill-treated --
of whom the world was not worthy -- wandering over deserts and mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth (Hebrews 11:35b-38).
Speaking to his readers, the author encourages them to persevere, to be patient.
And all these, though well attested by their faith, did not receive what was promised,
since God had foreseen something better for us, that apart from us they should not be made perfect (Hebrews 11:39-40).
Faith sustains them. At the moment, they have not yet received what has been promised. Yet God has something better for them. Be patient.

Dear Lord, I believe in You. I trust that You have better things in store for us, things we dare even to dream of. Lord, I entrust my parents, my brother, my wife and my children into Your hand. I do believe. Help me believe more. Amen.