I am a brainy man. Very often, I put on my logician cap to look at matters. Keeping my feelings from interferring my judgment seems such a logical and natural course of action to take. How could I ever question this "invincible" approach to life? It is invincible because the chances of making mistakes are reduced to the minimum. Furthermore, I would not be easily moved once I have discovered the "right" decision. But this optimism is gradually eroding ...
Unaware of the force of repressed emtions, I have often been caught off-balance. I found myself making choices which turned out to be irrational in the after thought. Such decisions should not have been made at all, yet I have made them. I come to realize that I cannot deny my emotions out of existence. They exist however successful I have been in repressing them. Therefore, the only logical and natural course is to acknowledge their existence and master them.
Take the gospel reading today as an example. It is the story of Annunciation to Joseph in Matthew. How do I usually interpret the following verses?
Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child of the Holy Spirit;
and her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly (Matthew 1:18-19). Mary had shown signs of pregnancy before living with Joseph. She must have informed Joseph that this was the work of the Holy Spirit. Logically, Joseph would not believe her. He was a law-abiding man with compassion. He did not want to put Mary to shame. His justice came into conflict with his compassion. Therefore, Joseph had to find a legally acceptable way to resolve this conflict. At last, he decided to divorce her so that she would be free to live with the "man" who fathered this illegitimate child.
Matthew wrote the nativity story in this way perhaps because his Christian community was facing attacks from the Jewish counterparts. There must have been rumours about the illegitimate status of Jesus. Therefore, Joseph had thought up a clumsy way to handle the dilemma. It was totally law-abiding, satisfying the legalistic thirst of the Pharisees in particular. Yet, God's will be done. Instead of allowing Joseph to divorce the BVM, God ordered St. Joseph to marry her.
But what is so wrong about the above interpretation?
I have not consider the alternative. What if Joseph accepted Mary's explanation that the pregnancy was an act of God? In this case, how am I going to explain why Joseph still wanted to divorce Mary.
Fr. Milanese celebrated the 11 a.m. Mass this morning. Also today, more than 50 people took part in the Rite of Acceptance to become catechumens in our parish. In his homily, Fr. Milanese demonstrated his biblical scholarship and pastoral experience. He was able to apply most appropriately the gospel message to the needs of the catechumens.
Firstly, Fr. Milanese contrasted the two different approaches of St. Matthew and St. Luke in the Nativity narrative. While all the people mentioned in Luke (perhaps with the exception of the residents in Bethlehem. But again, it was not their fault. There was actually no room to receive this new born king.) welcomed and were joyful over the birth of the Messiah, those in Matthew were troubled and even hostile to his coming. Fr. Milanese had taken up an assumption diametrically opposite mine. In his meditation, Fr. Milanese came to think that St. Joseph believed in the BVM and accepted her explanation that the child came from the Holy Spirit. Now, Joseph was troubled. How could he possibly be able to foster the Son of God? It was too lofty a job for this humble lowly carpenter. Furthermore, God had chosen the BVM to be the Mother of the Son of God. How could Joseph marry the BVM whom God had claimed? He tried his best to figure out what to do other than marrying her. He had to proceed very carefully. Otherwise, he would put Mary to shame. With his upbringing, Joseph thought that nullifying the marriage contract seemed to be the best option. However, God had a different plan in His mind. In the end, God revealed His plan to Joseph to settle his doubts.
Then, Fr. Milanese turned to the catechumens. Many of them would still have doubts in their minds. After baptism, would they be good enough to live up to the name of a Christian? Fr. Milanese told them to put their hearts at ease. Truly, all of us are not good enough. Had we been good enough, we would have had no need of God's salvation and we would not have been sitting here. Like St. Joseph, we should seek God' will. Pray to Him. In this aspect, the heart is better than the head. Therefore, in our prayers, listen more instead of saying more. Furthermore, listen to the heart as well.
The way Fr. Milanese interpreted this text allows him to apply to the needs of the catechumens. My approach is rather top-down and imposing. It is not able to generate any pastoral guidelines for my personal spiritual life.
Dear Lord, allow me to quiet down and take heed of my heart. Amen.
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