On the previous three Sundays, we heard a few parables of the Kingdom of Heavens. Today, we heard the familiar story of "Five Loaves & Two Fish", the Kingdom of Heavens breaks into the life of the believers.
The story began with the death of John the Baptist.
Now when Jesus heard this (the death of John the Baptist), he withdrew from there in a boat to a lonely place apart (Matthew 14:13).
You don't need to be a prophet to tell that the prospect of the ministry of Jesus was grim. His forerunner was beheaded by Herod Antipas because he was outspoken; he was carrying out his mission as a prophet. What else could Jesus expect? What would be the next move, giving up or moving ahead? Moving ahead would surely be a self-imposed death sentence; be suicidal. If Jesus had continued with the Baptist's path, criticizing Herod, he would have been an extra zealot, one more martyr. On the other hand, had Jesus been a utilitarian, he would have given up at this point to call off his preaching and mission. The cost-benefit analysis would not have been simpler. No, Jesus is not an imprudent martyr nor a utilitarian. He does not confront Herod with his sins, nor doe he seek pleasure and to avoid pain. Jesus knows what exactly the right thing to do --- retire into a lonely place. Jesus was prudent. He did not join the Baptist's disciples to bury the Baptist to avoid stirring up the emotion of the people to rebel against Herod. Remember, Jesus would easily summon the support of 5000 people at the zenith of his popularity. Therefore, Jesus had to handle this sensitive situation very skilfully. Jesus chose to come into hiding to preserve his own life because his time had not yet come. Coming into hiding was a prudent decision. It sustained the tension of the situation. Everybody would be watching his move. Jesus kept them guessing.
As he went ashore he saw a great throng; and he had compassion on them, and healed their sick (Matthew 14:14).
It is worthwhile to do a little comparison here with the other Synoptic gospels.
As he went ashore he saw a great throng, and he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and he began to teach them many things (Mark 6:34).
When the crowds learned it, they followed him; and he welcomed them and spoke to them of the kingdom of God, and cured those who had need of healing (Luke 9:11).
It is not necessary to assume the priority of Mark, (that is, Mark wrote his gospel first. Based on the gospel of Mark and his own collection, Matthew wrote his gospel) because all four canonical gospels report this event. Surely, each Evangelist must have his own emphasis. In the gospel of Mark, Jesus taught the crowd many things while in the other two, Jesus healed the sick. It is understandable for Luke to pay attention to Jesus' healing before the feeding miracle because Luke was a physician. However, since Matthew portrays Jesus as a greater teacher than Moses, it is interesting that Matthew did not go along with Mark. Surely Jesus must have done both healing and teaching before the miracle. How do we explain Matthew's "deviation"? Why didn't Matthew report Jesus teaching the crowd, but instead Jesus healing the sick? Any suggestion?
One possible answer is that Mark's rendering was clumsy. Jesus had compassion on the crowd. Why do you have compassion on people? They must be less fortunate and perhaps are suffering illness or pain at the moment. Then, instead of relieving people's pain, the Jesus of Mark taught them many things! It is counter-intuitive. It would be very very indirect to relieve people's pains with teaching. Therefore, the Jesus of Matthew cured their sick to show his compassion on the crowd.
Let's return to the miracle itself. Jesus multiplied five loaves and two fish to feed five thousand men. Some preachers try to downplay miracles and explain this event away with psychology. They would quote the rendering of John in which Andrew reported to Jesus that a lad had five loaves and two fish and they would not be enough (John 6:9). The preachers explain that the generosity of the lad touched the hearts of the five thousand men. They were willing to follow the good example of the lad to share what they had brought. Therefore, everybody had enough to eat and there were twelve baskets of leftovers.
This explanation assumes the possibility of convincing five thousand men in the open space within a short time, which involves transmission of information among five thousand men without distortion, persuading them the truth of the piece of information and touching their hearts with this "generosity". It is, in itself, a miracle! Skeptical man like me will wonder why the lad had brought five loaves and two fish. Perhaps the lad was trying to do some business in the crowd! We are not dealing with five thousand men packed within an auditorium watching a video. We are dealing with five thousand men in an open area. I don't know how to achieve this feat.
So, let us put down our skepticism. Read the story again with faith.
Our community is sick. We need healing because each one of us carries our own stresses, burdens and personality defects. We go to Jesus because we believe that Jesus has compassion for our sickness. He is willing to heal our wounds. Not only does he heal our illness, he also feeds us. But what do we have? We only have five loaves and two fish. Our resources are not sufficient to deal with the problem we face. The problem is too huge and our resources are too meagre. The situation looks hopeless. We bring what we have in front of Jesus.
Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass; and taking the five loaves and the two fish he looked up to heaven, and blessed, and broke and gave the loaves to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds.
And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of the broken pieces left over (Matthew 14:19-20).
Jesus orders us to sit down on the grass to relax. We have done our part to put our problem and our resources in front of Jesus. He will take care of the rest. He will take our resources, look up to heaven and bless them. He will break them up and perhaps reconfigure them. Then he will send appropriate people to tackle our problem. And in the end, not only is our problem solved (they all ate and were satisfied), our resources have increased (12 baskets full of leftover). With the blessing of Jesus, we shall overcome. We will grow up after every encounter with our problems.
Dear Lord, at the moment, my mother is convalescing in my home. I pray for her quick recovery. I also pray for Hilary my eldest son. Lord, may he grow and reconcile with his grandmother. Lord, I put my problem and my resources in front of You, trusting that you will take care of the rest. Have mercy on the souls of my family. Amen.
Sunday 31 July 2011
Sunday 24 July 2011
Where can we buy the Kingdom of Heavens?
Jesus told parables, some in public and some private. The parables we hear today were told in private after Jesus had left the crowd and went into the house to tell these to his disciples (Matthew 13:36). Unlike the public parables to be consumed by the general public, these parables are reserved for believers. They put some demands on the believers while the non-believers have no obligation to fulfill.
I would like to begin with the last parable first. The Net parable (Matthew 13:47-50) is a bit troublesome because it is so similar to the earlier "Parable of Weeds in the Field" which Jesus told in public (Matthew 13:24-30, 37-43). Why did Jesus tell in private yet a similar parable? How does this Net parable differ from the earlier Weeds parable? In both cases, there are good and bad people. In both cases, the angels will separate the good from the bad at the end of the age, the good rewarded and the bad punished. Now even if we say that the field symbolizes the world and the net the church, does it require yet another parable to tell the believers that there are good Christians and bad Christians in the Church? Will Christians be so naive as to think that the Church is a Church of saints only and so blind as to refuse to see that the Church is a Church of sinners? If they are, they truly deserve salvation from their Jesus. In fact, this Net parable is a bit out of place and seems to be inserted here by mistake. It does not fit in with the theme of treasure which is reiterated again as the conclusio of the group of parables.
And he said to them, "Therefore every scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like a householder who brings out of his treasure what is new and what is old." (Matthew 13:52)
In the gospel of Matthew, the word "new" always means the New Testament and the word "old" the Old Testament. Therefore, the Evangelist is telling the interpreters of the New Testament not to forsake the Old Testament. We cannot dump something because we do not understand it well enough. Throughout Church history, we have seen too many people mutilate the Bible because there are passages incompatible with their own narrow-minded theological convictions. Be humble and insist on studying it hard.
Now, let's turn to the treasure parables.
The parables of "A Hidden Treasure in the field" (Matthew 13:44) and "A Prized Pearl" (Matthew 13:45-46) convey the same theme and demand on the believers. The Kingdom of Heaven is like a hidden treasure in the field or a prized pearl. Once you've found it, you sell all that you have to buy it. Pay particular attention to the market language: sell and buy. Though we always say that we receive our salvation without paying, that we do not deserve this salvation, that it is purely God's grace and we do not earn it etc. (Matthew 10:8), such an understanding goes against the message in these two parables we hear today. In a sense, the Kingdom of Heavens is not free of charge at all. Jesus told us to give up all that we already have in order to make room for this treasure. We need to let go, to give up and to sacrifice. In another occasion, Jesus told us that we need to work hard and fight violently to enter eternal life (Matthew 7:13-14, 11:12). In the case of the Net parable, no demand is explicitly placed on the good. The good are simply good. This is one more reason why the Net parable is out of place.
The Treasure in the Field parable is both beautiful and puzzling at the same time.
The language is beautiful. The whole parable is told in one verse, though it is not rarely done. The contrast is beautiful, especially in Greek.
Πάλιν Ὁμοία ἐστὶν ἡ βασιλεία τῶν οὐρανῶν θησαυρῷ κεκρυμμένῳ ἐν τῷ ἀγρῷ ὃν εὑρὼν ἄνθρωπος ἔκρυψεν καὶ ἀπὸ τῆς χαρᾶς αὐτοῦ ὑπάγει καὶ πάντα ὅσα ἔχει πωλεῖ καὶ ἀγοράζει τὸν ἀγρὸν ἐκεῖνον (Stephanus Textus Receptus 1550)
Again, the reign of the heavens is like to treasure hid in the field, which a man having found did hide, and from his joy goeth, and all, as much as he hath, he selleth, and buyeth that field. (Young's Literal Translation)
The parable is puzzling in a way that makes you feel uneasy. A question naturally lingers in my head. From whom should the man buy the field?
If the man buys the field from an agent, it is acceptable that the agent does not know that there is a treasure in the field. But estate agents are unheard of in the first century. Most likely, he was a creditor whose debtor, the original owner, was not able to repay a loan and thus had surrendered the property right of the field.
If the man buys the field from the original owner, does the original owner know that there is treasure in his field? If he does not know, he is stupid and does not deserve the treasure.
Now, whether it be the original owner or the creditor, what does he signify? From where/whom can we "purchase" the Kingdom of Heavens? From God? From the Church? If not from them, where else? That is why the parable is so puzzling as to make you feel uneasy!
This parable is puzzling in yet another manner. Why the secrecy and corollarily the selfishness? In the Pearl parable, the man simply sells all he has to buy the pearl he has found. In the Treasure parable, why does the man hide the treasure in the field again and buy the field instead of the treasure directly? Assuming that the treasure is so huge that it is impossible for the man to carry it away in one go. He needs to unearth the treasure gradually and therefore he needs to buy the field instead. Moreover, the man does want the owner to raise the price or to invite other potential competitors. However, such considerations are irrelevant when we are thinking about the Kingdom of Heavens. Therefore, we are not able to answer satisfactorily why he proceeds in such a secretive/selfish manner. After all, shouldn't Christians be generous as to share the good news, the joy they discover in the Kingdom of Heavens?
Perhaps I should not press the analogy too hard. Parables are not meant to be understood in such an extreme manner. Getting the main theme is enough. Other details are irrelevant and there might not be point to point correspondence. In the end, I am sure there are readers out there who are able to throw new lights on the interpretation of these parables.
My Sweet Lord, allow me to ask silly questions. Make me understand Your will. Amen.
I would like to begin with the last parable first. The Net parable (Matthew 13:47-50) is a bit troublesome because it is so similar to the earlier "Parable of Weeds in the Field" which Jesus told in public (Matthew 13:24-30, 37-43). Why did Jesus tell in private yet a similar parable? How does this Net parable differ from the earlier Weeds parable? In both cases, there are good and bad people. In both cases, the angels will separate the good from the bad at the end of the age, the good rewarded and the bad punished. Now even if we say that the field symbolizes the world and the net the church, does it require yet another parable to tell the believers that there are good Christians and bad Christians in the Church? Will Christians be so naive as to think that the Church is a Church of saints only and so blind as to refuse to see that the Church is a Church of sinners? If they are, they truly deserve salvation from their Jesus. In fact, this Net parable is a bit out of place and seems to be inserted here by mistake. It does not fit in with the theme of treasure which is reiterated again as the conclusio of the group of parables.
And he said to them, "Therefore every scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like a householder who brings out of his treasure what is new and what is old." (Matthew 13:52)
In the gospel of Matthew, the word "new" always means the New Testament and the word "old" the Old Testament. Therefore, the Evangelist is telling the interpreters of the New Testament not to forsake the Old Testament. We cannot dump something because we do not understand it well enough. Throughout Church history, we have seen too many people mutilate the Bible because there are passages incompatible with their own narrow-minded theological convictions. Be humble and insist on studying it hard.
Now, let's turn to the treasure parables.
The parables of "A Hidden Treasure in the field" (Matthew 13:44) and "A Prized Pearl" (Matthew 13:45-46) convey the same theme and demand on the believers. The Kingdom of Heaven is like a hidden treasure in the field or a prized pearl. Once you've found it, you sell all that you have to buy it. Pay particular attention to the market language: sell and buy. Though we always say that we receive our salvation without paying, that we do not deserve this salvation, that it is purely God's grace and we do not earn it etc. (Matthew 10:8), such an understanding goes against the message in these two parables we hear today. In a sense, the Kingdom of Heavens is not free of charge at all. Jesus told us to give up all that we already have in order to make room for this treasure. We need to let go, to give up and to sacrifice. In another occasion, Jesus told us that we need to work hard and fight violently to enter eternal life (Matthew 7:13-14, 11:12). In the case of the Net parable, no demand is explicitly placed on the good. The good are simply good. This is one more reason why the Net parable is out of place.
The Treasure in the Field parable is both beautiful and puzzling at the same time.
The language is beautiful. The whole parable is told in one verse, though it is not rarely done. The contrast is beautiful, especially in Greek.
Πάλιν Ὁμοία ἐστὶν ἡ βασιλεία τῶν οὐρανῶν θησαυρῷ κεκρυμμένῳ ἐν τῷ ἀγρῷ ὃν εὑρὼν ἄνθρωπος ἔκρυψεν καὶ ἀπὸ τῆς χαρᾶς αὐτοῦ ὑπάγει καὶ πάντα ὅσα ἔχει πωλεῖ καὶ ἀγοράζει τὸν ἀγρὸν ἐκεῖνον (Stephanus Textus Receptus 1550)
Again, the reign of the heavens is like to treasure hid in the field, which a man having found did hide, and from his joy goeth, and all, as much as he hath, he selleth, and buyeth that field. (Young's Literal Translation)
The parable is puzzling in a way that makes you feel uneasy. A question naturally lingers in my head. From whom should the man buy the field?
If the man buys the field from an agent, it is acceptable that the agent does not know that there is a treasure in the field. But estate agents are unheard of in the first century. Most likely, he was a creditor whose debtor, the original owner, was not able to repay a loan and thus had surrendered the property right of the field.
If the man buys the field from the original owner, does the original owner know that there is treasure in his field? If he does not know, he is stupid and does not deserve the treasure.
Now, whether it be the original owner or the creditor, what does he signify? From where/whom can we "purchase" the Kingdom of Heavens? From God? From the Church? If not from them, where else? That is why the parable is so puzzling as to make you feel uneasy!
This parable is puzzling in yet another manner. Why the secrecy and corollarily the selfishness? In the Pearl parable, the man simply sells all he has to buy the pearl he has found. In the Treasure parable, why does the man hide the treasure in the field again and buy the field instead of the treasure directly? Assuming that the treasure is so huge that it is impossible for the man to carry it away in one go. He needs to unearth the treasure gradually and therefore he needs to buy the field instead. Moreover, the man does want the owner to raise the price or to invite other potential competitors. However, such considerations are irrelevant when we are thinking about the Kingdom of Heavens. Therefore, we are not able to answer satisfactorily why he proceeds in such a secretive/selfish manner. After all, shouldn't Christians be generous as to share the good news, the joy they discover in the Kingdom of Heavens?
Perhaps I should not press the analogy too hard. Parables are not meant to be understood in such an extreme manner. Getting the main theme is enough. Other details are irrelevant and there might not be point to point correspondence. In the end, I am sure there are readers out there who are able to throw new lights on the interpretation of these parables.
My Sweet Lord, allow me to ask silly questions. Make me understand Your will. Amen.
Sunday 17 July 2011
State Interference of Church matters
Religion is so much an integral part of human life that it is unimaginable to find any human beings who do not subscribe to a certain form of religion, be it institutionalized ones such as Buddhism, Christianity, Islam and Judaism etc., or some modern belief systems such as scientism or New Age. Religion provides us with a worldview, answering crucial existential questions such as why we are here, where we will go, how this universe came into existence etc. and etc. At a certain stage of social evolution, rulers relied on religions to provide them legitimacy of their sovereignty. Time and again, religion had been the only checking force available against tyranny. Religion inspires and channels a lot of passions into artistic and scientific creations. To repeat, man is more than a political animal. Man is a religious animal. (I refrain from saying that man is the only animal on earth that is able to exhibit religious behaviours because some animal psychologists claimed to have shown "superstitious" behaviours in cats under laboratory observations.)
The Church and the State have long been antagonists in the fighting for the allocation of resources. In more harmonious times, temporal matters are relegated to the State and spiritual matters to the Church. Alas! Most of the time, human affairs are so tangled that it is rather impossible to draw the line between spiritual and temporal. It is rather difficult to practise what Jesus taught.
Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's. (Matthew 22:21)
Even this verse hints at the primacy of God's matter over Caesar's matter and such an interpretation is justified. Christians' primary loyalty is pledged to God, not to Caesar. In times of trials and tribulations, worldly rulers will always be suspicious of the patriotism of Christians.
Evil is a fact of life. It is a mystery because no explanation has ever been satisfactorily given as to why the benevolent God allows evil and sufferings on earth. Sin has been advanced to explain some of the evil and sufferings of the good. Again, why the all-knowing God did not stop the falling of man before it actually happened. Sin exists perhaps because it is functional. It exists for the good of man, for his growth, his maturity and his sanctification. (Refer to my blog on July 16, 2011).
Chinese Communists are atheists. They allow religions to operate in the mainland because religions provide services for the benefits of the Central Government which needs to open up to foreigners. The Roman Catholics are troublesome in particular because of their loyalty to the Pope, to the Vatican which the Central Government sees as a State. In addition, Vatican is useful as a pawn to charge against Taiwan. Therefore, the Chinese Central Government can sometimes be tolerant and sometimes be trigger-happy with the Chinese Catholic Church. Bishops are overseers of the local churches. In recent years, the consecration of bishops has become the bone of contention. In the end, Catholics in the mainland provinces suffer.
Bishops are successors to the Apostles and the Pope is the head of the college of bishops. The consecration of a bishop needs the laying of hands from three apostolic bishops who are in communion with the Pope. Apostolic bishops means their consecrations can be traced all the way back to the apostles. This makes sense. Now, the Communists have learnt the trick. On July 14, they "kidnap" four apostolic bishops to consecrate a bishop they choose and control. The diocese already has an apostolic bishop in communion with the Pope. There is actually no vacancy for another bishop. These public security officers no only interfere with Church matters, They have breached the Chinese Constitution.
"No state organ, public organization or individual may compel citizens to believe in, or not to believe in, any religion; nor may they discriminate against citizens who believe in, or do not believe in, any religion. The state protects normal religious activities. No one may make use of religion to engage in activities that disrupt public order, impair the health of citizens or interfere with the educational system of the state. Religious bodies and religious affairs are not subject to any foreign domination." (Article 36)
The Constitution has not been respected by those public security officers. It has become a dead document in the hands of these law-enforcers. Those who did this have no fear of God because they do not believe in God. They have no authority to force people to do things they don't want to and yet they have violated their victims' conscience. Their action is evil. On the other hand, the Pope has already appointed a bishop to that diocese. Now he has no choice but to excommunicate the bishops so consecrated, though they are victims. The whole situation is pathetic. It is very much like a father driving his son away from home because the son has been involuntarily transformed into a challenger to the father. A schism is looming on the horizon and the Pope has to take actions to contain the damage.
In the gospel reading today, we heard the parable of Wheat and Weed (Matthew 13:24-30). We have to live with evil until the end of the world. God allows its existence because it has so intertwined with every fabric of our daily life that its removal will bring down some good people as well.
The servants said to him, 'Then do you want us to go and gather them?'
But he said, 'No; lest in gathering the weeds you root up the wheat along with them (Matthew 13:28b-29).
But how can we be sure that the good will not be affected by the evil.
No, we can't and we don't have to be sure because nothing is certain.
Ideally speaking, such evil and sufferings are opportunities for our growth, our maturity and our sanctification. Though there is no guarantee, we place our faith in God. We believe that God will give us enough strength and wisdom to weather through. Such times of trial and tribulation are opportunities for us to prove our worth. God has given us the Holy Spirit, who is our seal, our guarantee. He will assist us.
for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words (Romans 8:26b).
Dear Lord, Your wisdom is too deep for us to fathom. We trust in Your leniency. We pray for the Church in China. May she one day enjoy the freedom to worship You without interference. Amen.
The Church and the State have long been antagonists in the fighting for the allocation of resources. In more harmonious times, temporal matters are relegated to the State and spiritual matters to the Church. Alas! Most of the time, human affairs are so tangled that it is rather impossible to draw the line between spiritual and temporal. It is rather difficult to practise what Jesus taught.
Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's. (Matthew 22:21)
Even this verse hints at the primacy of God's matter over Caesar's matter and such an interpretation is justified. Christians' primary loyalty is pledged to God, not to Caesar. In times of trials and tribulations, worldly rulers will always be suspicious of the patriotism of Christians.
Evil is a fact of life. It is a mystery because no explanation has ever been satisfactorily given as to why the benevolent God allows evil and sufferings on earth. Sin has been advanced to explain some of the evil and sufferings of the good. Again, why the all-knowing God did not stop the falling of man before it actually happened. Sin exists perhaps because it is functional. It exists for the good of man, for his growth, his maturity and his sanctification. (Refer to my blog on July 16, 2011).
Chinese Communists are atheists. They allow religions to operate in the mainland because religions provide services for the benefits of the Central Government which needs to open up to foreigners. The Roman Catholics are troublesome in particular because of their loyalty to the Pope, to the Vatican which the Central Government sees as a State. In addition, Vatican is useful as a pawn to charge against Taiwan. Therefore, the Chinese Central Government can sometimes be tolerant and sometimes be trigger-happy with the Chinese Catholic Church. Bishops are overseers of the local churches. In recent years, the consecration of bishops has become the bone of contention. In the end, Catholics in the mainland provinces suffer.
Bishops are successors to the Apostles and the Pope is the head of the college of bishops. The consecration of a bishop needs the laying of hands from three apostolic bishops who are in communion with the Pope. Apostolic bishops means their consecrations can be traced all the way back to the apostles. This makes sense. Now, the Communists have learnt the trick. On July 14, they "kidnap" four apostolic bishops to consecrate a bishop they choose and control. The diocese already has an apostolic bishop in communion with the Pope. There is actually no vacancy for another bishop. These public security officers no only interfere with Church matters, They have breached the Chinese Constitution.
"No state organ, public organization or individual may compel citizens to believe in, or not to believe in, any religion; nor may they discriminate against citizens who believe in, or do not believe in, any religion. The state protects normal religious activities. No one may make use of religion to engage in activities that disrupt public order, impair the health of citizens or interfere with the educational system of the state. Religious bodies and religious affairs are not subject to any foreign domination." (Article 36)
The Constitution has not been respected by those public security officers. It has become a dead document in the hands of these law-enforcers. Those who did this have no fear of God because they do not believe in God. They have no authority to force people to do things they don't want to and yet they have violated their victims' conscience. Their action is evil. On the other hand, the Pope has already appointed a bishop to that diocese. Now he has no choice but to excommunicate the bishops so consecrated, though they are victims. The whole situation is pathetic. It is very much like a father driving his son away from home because the son has been involuntarily transformed into a challenger to the father. A schism is looming on the horizon and the Pope has to take actions to contain the damage.
In the gospel reading today, we heard the parable of Wheat and Weed (Matthew 13:24-30). We have to live with evil until the end of the world. God allows its existence because it has so intertwined with every fabric of our daily life that its removal will bring down some good people as well.
The servants said to him, 'Then do you want us to go and gather them?'
But he said, 'No; lest in gathering the weeds you root up the wheat along with them (Matthew 13:28b-29).
But how can we be sure that the good will not be affected by the evil.
No, we can't and we don't have to be sure because nothing is certain.
Ideally speaking, such evil and sufferings are opportunities for our growth, our maturity and our sanctification. Though there is no guarantee, we place our faith in God. We believe that God will give us enough strength and wisdom to weather through. Such times of trial and tribulation are opportunities for us to prove our worth. God has given us the Holy Spirit, who is our seal, our guarantee. He will assist us.
for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words (Romans 8:26b).
Dear Lord, Your wisdom is too deep for us to fathom. We trust in Your leniency. We pray for the Church in China. May she one day enjoy the freedom to worship You without interference. Amen.
God frustrates my plans
In my head, I know that God's will be done. The Lord's Prayer says so and I recite this prayer everyday. I know that in whatever I do, I should seek the will of God and work towards the glory of God. However, God is very merciful. He allows me a large latitude to maneuver so that I am free to experiment whatever I fancy to do. But in the end, His will is done. In the mini-retreat for the Deacon Aspirants, this theme imprints deeply into my heart. Fr. Dominic Chan, the Vice-General and the Director of Formation, conducted the mini-retreat. Three new aspirants joined in. The group size was perfect for in-depth sharing.
Fr. Chan followed the three sub-themes of the Year of Laity to do meditation with us. They are: vocation, communion and mission. The mini-retreat began with a reading from the gospel of Mark. It was about Jesus' choosing the 12 Apostles.
And he appointed twelve, to be with him, and to be sent out to preach
and have authority to cast out demons (Mark 3: 4-15)
We are all called to stay with Jesus. Before we cast out demons and before we preach the Gospel, we need to stay with Jesus, to establish a deep relation with him and to learn from him before we can take any meaningful actions. So, Fr. Chan began with candid sharing of his own experience and invited us to do the same, paying particular attention to when Jesus was born within our lives.
The sharing among us are candid. We will be comrades in the near future. This is a group we trust and we will honour the rule of confidentiality. It is not surprising that we were able to take out our most highly guarded secrets to share with these brothers in Christ. During the sharing, there was no lack of shedding of tears. We praised God for His wonders and mercy.
Though I was baptized in S4, I did not know how close I was with Jesus until one day he struck me hard and denied me the Holy Communion for about two full years because the priest refused to absolve my sin in confession. I did not know how much I needed Jesus until I lost him! Only then did I realize how close he is with me! Looking back into my life-story, I learn from mistakes I made. I learn in a rather negative way!
I always want to take matters into my hand and do things my way. Perhaps I want to prove that I am capable, I am smart. However, God outsmarts me and teaches me patiently that I need to learn from His humility. I overworked myself to crack computer program protections in the eighties and the code-chasing frenzy took toll on me. Consequently I damaged my pancreas. It is a heavy price to pay but it is also a blessing in disguise. I reconciled with my mother over my moving out after marriage. After all, no matter how much I have made my mother angry, she always forgives.
After a short break, we entered the sharing of the second theme: communion. We are called by Jesus to become ambassadors of reconciliation. Our mission is not simply to do charity works but also help edify the community. During this part of the sharing, I realized that I was always the last one to know what conflicts or disputes had taken place in the parish or my school. Perhaps nobody wants to bother me because of my position or personality. Perhaps I have not been sensitive enough to smell such conflicts which are rather normal in any community. Recently, I had the chance to witness the whole process of a minor dispute in the parish, how a perfectionist parishioner commented on the performance of a lector face to face after mass and offered her 'advice' to the lector; and how the lector sought support from the priest. Everybody was not happy.
Fr. Chan commented that one might wonder why God allows such conflicts to exist in a community of love. He said that the individuals as well as the community need to grow, to mature and to be sanctified. Such occasions of disputes are opportunities for the individuals as well as the community to learn. We should not evade them but embrace and learn from them.
We came to the third session on mission. All of us have a sense of mission. However, all of us shared the same pattern --- that we have misplaced our mission. We think that some targets were our missions. In fact they are. They are ours, not God's! Truly, we need to learn from the humility of Jesus. We must always ask --- Father, is it your will?
I insisted on using English to teach E&RS. I want to offer my best service for the school in my remaining years. Moreover, these Band One students deserve to learn in English. There should be flexibility in the Diocesan mother-tongue policies. Since the school administration, including the Supervisor, insisted on following the Diocesan policy, I declined to teach NSS E&RS. However, after two years, the teaching load lands on my lap because the panel head we hire resigns. Our out-going boss is not able to retain capable people to serve the school. In the end, I will teach NSS E&RS in Chinese in the next academic year. God frustrates my plans! In the end, perhaps it was out of arrogance and the satisfaction of my ego that I insisted on using English. Now, I have to rethink my mission, to adjust it along God's line.
Dear Father in Heaven, Your will be done. Not mine. Amen.
Fr. Chan followed the three sub-themes of the Year of Laity to do meditation with us. They are: vocation, communion and mission. The mini-retreat began with a reading from the gospel of Mark. It was about Jesus' choosing the 12 Apostles.
And he appointed twelve, to be with him, and to be sent out to preach
and have authority to cast out demons (Mark 3: 4-15)
We are all called to stay with Jesus. Before we cast out demons and before we preach the Gospel, we need to stay with Jesus, to establish a deep relation with him and to learn from him before we can take any meaningful actions. So, Fr. Chan began with candid sharing of his own experience and invited us to do the same, paying particular attention to when Jesus was born within our lives.
The sharing among us are candid. We will be comrades in the near future. This is a group we trust and we will honour the rule of confidentiality. It is not surprising that we were able to take out our most highly guarded secrets to share with these brothers in Christ. During the sharing, there was no lack of shedding of tears. We praised God for His wonders and mercy.
Though I was baptized in S4, I did not know how close I was with Jesus until one day he struck me hard and denied me the Holy Communion for about two full years because the priest refused to absolve my sin in confession. I did not know how much I needed Jesus until I lost him! Only then did I realize how close he is with me! Looking back into my life-story, I learn from mistakes I made. I learn in a rather negative way!
I always want to take matters into my hand and do things my way. Perhaps I want to prove that I am capable, I am smart. However, God outsmarts me and teaches me patiently that I need to learn from His humility. I overworked myself to crack computer program protections in the eighties and the code-chasing frenzy took toll on me. Consequently I damaged my pancreas. It is a heavy price to pay but it is also a blessing in disguise. I reconciled with my mother over my moving out after marriage. After all, no matter how much I have made my mother angry, she always forgives.
After a short break, we entered the sharing of the second theme: communion. We are called by Jesus to become ambassadors of reconciliation. Our mission is not simply to do charity works but also help edify the community. During this part of the sharing, I realized that I was always the last one to know what conflicts or disputes had taken place in the parish or my school. Perhaps nobody wants to bother me because of my position or personality. Perhaps I have not been sensitive enough to smell such conflicts which are rather normal in any community. Recently, I had the chance to witness the whole process of a minor dispute in the parish, how a perfectionist parishioner commented on the performance of a lector face to face after mass and offered her 'advice' to the lector; and how the lector sought support from the priest. Everybody was not happy.
Fr. Chan commented that one might wonder why God allows such conflicts to exist in a community of love. He said that the individuals as well as the community need to grow, to mature and to be sanctified. Such occasions of disputes are opportunities for the individuals as well as the community to learn. We should not evade them but embrace and learn from them.
We came to the third session on mission. All of us have a sense of mission. However, all of us shared the same pattern --- that we have misplaced our mission. We think that some targets were our missions. In fact they are. They are ours, not God's! Truly, we need to learn from the humility of Jesus. We must always ask --- Father, is it your will?
I insisted on using English to teach E&RS. I want to offer my best service for the school in my remaining years. Moreover, these Band One students deserve to learn in English. There should be flexibility in the Diocesan mother-tongue policies. Since the school administration, including the Supervisor, insisted on following the Diocesan policy, I declined to teach NSS E&RS. However, after two years, the teaching load lands on my lap because the panel head we hire resigns. Our out-going boss is not able to retain capable people to serve the school. In the end, I will teach NSS E&RS in Chinese in the next academic year. God frustrates my plans! In the end, perhaps it was out of arrogance and the satisfaction of my ego that I insisted on using English. Now, I have to rethink my mission, to adjust it along God's line.
Dear Father in Heaven, Your will be done. Not mine. Amen.
Sunday 10 July 2011
School Prayer
Both Fr. Lejeune and Fr. Martin mentioned the same point in their homilies --- God has been very generous in sowing the seeds. God seems to be a bit wasteful when He sows the seeds on the roadside only to be eaten by the birds, on rocky grounds only to be scorched by the sun and on thorny ground only to be smothered. Had God been more choosy, those seeds would not have been wasted. But God is merciful to everybody. He gives everybody a chance or indeed more than one chance.
Tonight, I had dinner with my LSC old students of 1981. They came from the same class --- 5C which was an elite class in an elite school. In their younger days, some had already shown their academic might. Some were less promising. Yet, today, they are all successful professionals contributing to the Hong Kong society and serving in mainland China. This gives me a different understanding of the different types of land described in the parable of sower (Matthew 13:3-9).
Those are not four different types of hearts or people. Rather, they are 4 possible conditions of hearts. A single person may goes through these 4 different conditions. He does not necessarily stay in one condition for his whole life. Men are redeemable. They are able to undergo conversion.
Therefore, a person may start with the condition like roadside. First of all, he needs to drive off the birds to give himself a chance. He needs to hear and seriously pay attention to the Good News of Jesus. If he works hard enough to plough the land (his heart), he might be able to change the rock into soil and start taking roots. Remember, we are not passive recipients of external influences from the environment. We are able to modify the external environment to meet our needs. Of course, worldly worries are inevitable as long as we continue to live in this world. There are just never-ending chores to handle. We need to learn to choose the good things for our body as well as our soul.
Remember what the gospel taught last week. It talks about being child-like to accept the kingdom of God. It talks about being gentle and humble. This is the right kind of attitude we need to cultivate our hearts.
If there is one thing Shung Tak is superior to La Salle, it is that La Salle does not have a school prayer but Shung Tak has. The Shung Tak School Prayer just captures the right spirit to cultivate our hearts.
SHUNG TAK SCHOOL PRAYER
Make us receptive and open.
And may we accept your kingdom
Like children taking bread from the hands of their father.
Let us live in your peace
at home with you
all the days of our life.
Amen.
Tonight, I had dinner with my LSC old students of 1981. They came from the same class --- 5C which was an elite class in an elite school. In their younger days, some had already shown their academic might. Some were less promising. Yet, today, they are all successful professionals contributing to the Hong Kong society and serving in mainland China. This gives me a different understanding of the different types of land described in the parable of sower (Matthew 13:3-9).
Those are not four different types of hearts or people. Rather, they are 4 possible conditions of hearts. A single person may goes through these 4 different conditions. He does not necessarily stay in one condition for his whole life. Men are redeemable. They are able to undergo conversion.
Therefore, a person may start with the condition like roadside. First of all, he needs to drive off the birds to give himself a chance. He needs to hear and seriously pay attention to the Good News of Jesus. If he works hard enough to plough the land (his heart), he might be able to change the rock into soil and start taking roots. Remember, we are not passive recipients of external influences from the environment. We are able to modify the external environment to meet our needs. Of course, worldly worries are inevitable as long as we continue to live in this world. There are just never-ending chores to handle. We need to learn to choose the good things for our body as well as our soul.
Remember what the gospel taught last week. It talks about being child-like to accept the kingdom of God. It talks about being gentle and humble. This is the right kind of attitude we need to cultivate our hearts.
If there is one thing Shung Tak is superior to La Salle, it is that La Salle does not have a school prayer but Shung Tak has. The Shung Tak School Prayer just captures the right spirit to cultivate our hearts.
Make us receptive and open.
And may we accept your kingdom
Like children taking bread
Let us live in your peace
at home with you
all the days of our life.
Amen.
Ode to the English Panel
I was caught in a "dilemma" when Donna, our STC NET, changed the date of farewell dinner. It clashed with our Graduation Dinner tonight. I have no choice but to abandon my classmates in Lan Kwai Fong. I must attend the farewell dinner because Donna, our STC NET, will return to Australia for good. I was not disappointed.
The sea-food was not the most essential part of this farewell dinner, nor the wine. It was the recital of the poem she wrote that touched the hearts of all of us. Quite a lot of tears were shed when Donna read out her poem, the ODE TO THE ENGLISH PANEL. We are privileged because everyone was mentioned. Here it is. Enjoy.
In a quiet little corner of Hung Shui Kiu
the notorious Radical Cheung is awaiting you.
He's still an important part of a mighty teaching panel
you name it --- English, Cantonese, Putonghua --- they operate on many channels.
I begin my little story back in 2005
I'd been working at a CMI school --- gosh it was hard to survive!
Then one fateful day I met Brenda Lee,
she turned my life around with the word, "Come & work for me."
So I joined Shung Tak's dynamic and crazy English team
and my teaching life became a living dream.
I started by sharing my passion for English Lit
& I have to say, for a number of years it was quite the hit!
Which leads me to John Wong, legend and pu-erh connoisseur,
discussing literature & folk music have been a true pleasure, thank you Sir.
Though John, I've got to admit my confusion at some of that grammar stuff
for crying out loud, some of your questions were really tough!
Now Emily Ma is a wonderful friend and teacher,
watching her in action each year is quite a feature.
From Speech Festival training, cockroaches, to her kitchen skills,
life is never boring but rather full of thrills!
For fearless leadership & Trinidadian passion you can't pass Brenda,
she'll have the difficult conversations to pursue justice, she's the great defender.
For quality discussions of philosophy, politics & religious debate,
Alex is your man, it's proven by his regular tea time with mates.
[Donna, I'm flattered & elated!]
Now if you need tips on parenting or fashion advice,
Jojo is your best choice, hey don't think twice.
She's globe trotted to Singapore, Taiwan and Italy
she's the expert on fashion & her advice is free!
Poor Ceci struggles with obsessed students & Raymond's marriage advice,
how annoying! At times all she wants is a quiet bowl of Emily' rice.
But don't get me wrong, it's a hard working panel, just ask Alan he knows best,
imagine half the panel observing your lesson, it must have been quite the test!
Talking of Alan, we're all jealous of your most recent career highlight
I'm talking about Santa Claus Jeff who we all wanted to cuddle tight!
A close second for cuteness came on my visit to Aubrey's house
Sorry Alan & Aubrey, I'm thinking of fluffy's skydive that silenced him like a mouse.
But it hasn't only been work work work throughout the years,
Sonia's given birth twice through the blood sweat and tears.
Zette and Brian got hitched & maybe another baby on the way,
this panel doesn't just work hard but knows how to play!
Ah, the lovely Zette, she's worked hard to achieve so much,
she's capable, creative and caring, she seems to have the magic touch.
Speaking of magic let's not forget Penny and her phonics Letter Land
or the homemade cookies, sweet 'hellos' and her forever helping hand.
By the way, I haven't forgotten our Vonnie, a quiet gentle soul
who brings a calmness to this crazy and lively panel on the whole.
Katy is a new young face who's sure to leave her mark,
she's deeply committed and has a genuine teaching spark.
Of course Vanessa was there from day one,
she's always around to join us for some fun.
With a heart of gold and an inquiring mind.
she's really special and one of a kind.
Winnie starts with W and so I've kept her for last,
added is the fact the rhyme isn't coming quite so easy or fast!
They say behind every great man is an even greater female,
Winnie, you're our Wonder woman (sic! girl!), our Mulan, without you we'd surely fail!
So from ERS, ESR, SBA, NSS to Language Arts,
It's been a wonderful experience from the start!
And now as I turn my gaze towards the Australian shore,
I'll store all these wonderful memories and send emails to you all.
Thank you English Panel for all the laughs, love and food,
Your support and optimism has often helped my mood.
Remember HK to Sydney is only a 9 hour flight,
You & your loved ones will always have a pillow for the night.
Thank you, Donna.
It has been our privilege and pleasure to work with you.
May our sweet Lord continue to bless you
and keep you in His abundant love.
Amen.
The sea-food was not the most essential part of this farewell dinner, nor the wine. It was the recital of the poem she wrote that touched the hearts of all of us. Quite a lot of tears were shed when Donna read out her poem, the ODE TO THE ENGLISH PANEL. We are privileged because everyone was mentioned. Here it is. Enjoy.
In a quiet little corner of Hung Shui Kiu
the notorious Radical Cheung is awaiting you.
He's still an important part of a mighty teaching panel
you name it --- English, Cantonese, Putonghua --- they operate on many channels.
I begin my little story back in 2005
I'd been working at a CMI school --- gosh it was hard to survive!
Then one fateful day I met Brenda Lee,
she turned my life around with the word, "Come & work for me."
So I joined Shung Tak's dynamic and crazy English team
and my teaching life became a living dream.
I started by sharing my passion for English Lit
& I have to say, for a number of years it was quite the hit!
Which leads me to John Wong, legend and pu-erh connoisseur,
discussing literature & folk music have been a true pleasure, thank you Sir.
Though John, I've got to admit my confusion at some of that grammar stuff
for crying out loud, some of your questions were really tough!
Now Emily Ma is a wonderful friend and teacher,
watching her in action each year is quite a feature.
From Speech Festival training, cockroaches, to her kitchen skills,
life is never boring but rather full of thrills!
For fearless leadership & Trinidadian passion you can't pass Brenda,
she'll have the difficult conversations to pursue justice, she's the great defender.
For quality discussions of philosophy, politics & religious debate,
Alex is your man, it's proven by his regular tea time with mates.
[Donna, I'm flattered & elated!]
Now if you need tips on parenting or fashion advice,
Jojo is your best choice, hey don't think twice.
She's globe trotted to Singapore, Taiwan and Italy
she's the expert on fashion & her advice is free!
Poor Ceci struggles with obsessed students & Raymond's marriage advice,
how annoying! At times all she wants is a quiet bowl of Emily' rice.
But don't get me wrong, it's a hard working panel, just ask Alan he knows best,
imagine half the panel observing your lesson, it must have been quite the test!
Talking of Alan, we're all jealous of your most recent career highlight
I'm talking about Santa Claus Jeff who we all wanted to cuddle tight!
A close second for cuteness came on my visit to Aubrey's house
Sorry Alan & Aubrey, I'm thinking of fluffy's skydive that silenced him like a mouse.
But it hasn't only been work work work throughout the years,
Sonia's given birth twice through the blood sweat and tears.
Zette and Brian got hitched & maybe another baby on the way,
this panel doesn't just work hard but knows how to play!
Ah, the lovely Zette, she's worked hard to achieve so much,
she's capable, creative and caring, she seems to have the magic touch.
Speaking of magic let's not forget Penny and her phonics Letter Land
or the homemade cookies, sweet 'hellos' and her forever helping hand.
By the way, I haven't forgotten our Vonnie, a quiet gentle soul
who brings a calmness to this crazy and lively panel on the whole.
Katy is a new young face who's sure to leave her mark,
she's deeply committed and has a genuine teaching spark.
Of course Vanessa was there from day one,
she's always around to join us for some fun.
With a heart of gold and an inquiring mind.
she's really special and one of a kind.
Winnie starts with W and so I've kept her for last,
added is the fact the rhyme isn't coming quite so easy or fast!
They say behind every great man is an even greater female,
Winnie, you're our Wonder woman (sic! girl!), our Mulan, without you we'd surely fail!
So from ERS, ESR, SBA, NSS to Language Arts,
It's been a wonderful experience from the start!
And now as I turn my gaze towards the Australian shore,
I'll store all these wonderful memories and send emails to you all.
Thank you English Panel for all the laughs, love and food,
Your support and optimism has often helped my mood.
Remember HK to Sydney is only a 9 hour flight,
You & your loved ones will always have a pillow for the night.
Thank you, Donna.
It has been our privilege and pleasure to work with you.
May our sweet Lord continue to bless you
and keep you in His abundant love.
Amen.
Sunday 3 July 2011
Futile efforts
I attended one funeral service and two requiem masses last week and my mood was not uplifted. Don't take me wrong. I was not depressed by the deaths, but by something else.
I joined the first funeral service because I wanted to lend a helping hand in an English speaking service, perhaps the first ever English speaking service conducted within our parish. It was a Portuguese family. The mother died of cancer at the age of sixty something, I think. She was already a grandmother. Before the liturgy began, the family had prepared a video made up of the photos of the family, with Unchained Melody as the background music. Then the eldest son delivered a very moving eulogy. With great effort, I held back my tears. In the end, they played another video with Time to Say Goodbye in the background. When we departed after the service, the younger son asked me if I was the Mr. Kwok who had taught in La Salle. Some of the guests were old students and they recognized me. I felt glad and honoured to be able to attend this funeral service, though I did not sing as I had expected to in this service. I was not depressed.
The next evening, I went to St. James Church in Yau Tong to attend a requiem mass for the mother of one of my classmates in the theology program. I had checked the map online and had a rough idea of how to locate the Church. When I actually went there, I missed the place because my view was blocked by some trees and the name of the street, Sze Shan Street, suddenly looked so unfamiliar to me. I was literally one step too short and turned around to explore another route, which took me a full circle to go back to the point where I had turned around! Somewhere along the route, I already knew I had taken a wrong turn. But then why didn't I ask the way? I had already gone too far to turn back. I had to finish the full circuit along the outskirt to come out of the Yau Tong Industrial City. Part of the route was dark and lonely. I felt like walking along the valley of death. More than that, I had a familiar feeling of déjà vu. My whole life seems to have spent in futile efforts to reach goals which I do not intend! What do I mean? Let me illustrate. Two years ago, I insisted on using English to teach NSS E&RS so that the school had to hire another teacher to teach the subject in Chinese. At that time, I thought that the best way to contribute to Shung Tak in my last few years was to combine my strengths in English and E&RS. If the school authority rejected my offer, I would divert my energy for the pursuit of deaconate. Unfortunately, my boss was not able to retain people to serve the school. In the end, I will have to teach all three levels of NSS E&RS in Chinese! I am back to square one. It seems that the school and I had made no progress in these two years. I am upset and it was all the more depressing when the priest did not seem to have prepared enough for the requiem mass.
The next evening, the parish held a requiem mass for the faithful who departed in April to June. There was not much I could recall. I was not sad or upset in particular. Perhaps I was tired, tired of going to funeral services three nights in a row. On Friday, I did not attend the Sacred Heart Solemnity. Instead, I played table-tennis with Symphorian after dinner. In fact, I should have gone to pray for Simon and his son because his AL results were not satisfactory. John and I knew that it must have been a devastating blow on Simon. All his hope for these seven years was smashed and all his efforts in sending his son to an elite school had proved to be futile. How would Simon face our boss and other colleagues on the coming Monday?
It is Sunday and we listened to the Gospel which rang exceptionally true to me.
At that time Jesus declared, "I thank thee, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that thou hast hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to babes." (Matthew 11:25)
Each one of us has something babe within. However, most of the time, we ignore it and despise it. I think we have TA (Transactional Analysis) to blame.TA was developed and popularized by Eric Berne in the late 1950s. One of his books is called Games People Play, which outlines an ego-state (Parent-Adult-Child) model to describe the feelings, thoughts and behaviours a person displays in interactions with others. It is an unfortunate choice to deposit most of the childhood experiences and behaviours under the label "Child", which can easily confuse with the natural naivety and trust advocated in the Gospel. Many times, we want to take people and things under our control because we are in need of a sense of security. Such needs are legitimate and not dysfunctional in themselves. It is bad only when our actions become disproportional to the situation. In the last analysis, it is bad when we act as if we were the master of the situation, ignoring God's will.
Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)
How consoling it is to hear these words from Jesus. He has pointed us the way: learn from him for he is gentle and lowly in heart.
Learn for we know that we will never become Jesus. We can only look like Jesus approximately. He is the target we should approach but will never reach. After all, we shouldn't be over-ambitious.
Be Gentle. Time and again, we are very demanding towards ourselves and others. The perfectionist me will surely drive ourselves and other nuts.
Be humble. We have witnessed how the mighty fall, from true heroes and pretended heroes. In the end, God takes all.
Dear Lord, help me learn to rest, relax and insist no more. Amen.
I joined the first funeral service because I wanted to lend a helping hand in an English speaking service, perhaps the first ever English speaking service conducted within our parish. It was a Portuguese family. The mother died of cancer at the age of sixty something, I think. She was already a grandmother. Before the liturgy began, the family had prepared a video made up of the photos of the family, with Unchained Melody as the background music. Then the eldest son delivered a very moving eulogy. With great effort, I held back my tears. In the end, they played another video with Time to Say Goodbye in the background. When we departed after the service, the younger son asked me if I was the Mr. Kwok who had taught in La Salle. Some of the guests were old students and they recognized me. I felt glad and honoured to be able to attend this funeral service, though I did not sing as I had expected to in this service. I was not depressed.
The next evening, I went to St. James Church in Yau Tong to attend a requiem mass for the mother of one of my classmates in the theology program. I had checked the map online and had a rough idea of how to locate the Church. When I actually went there, I missed the place because my view was blocked by some trees and the name of the street, Sze Shan Street, suddenly looked so unfamiliar to me. I was literally one step too short and turned around to explore another route, which took me a full circle to go back to the point where I had turned around! Somewhere along the route, I already knew I had taken a wrong turn. But then why didn't I ask the way? I had already gone too far to turn back. I had to finish the full circuit along the outskirt to come out of the Yau Tong Industrial City. Part of the route was dark and lonely. I felt like walking along the valley of death. More than that, I had a familiar feeling of déjà vu. My whole life seems to have spent in futile efforts to reach goals which I do not intend! What do I mean? Let me illustrate. Two years ago, I insisted on using English to teach NSS E&RS so that the school had to hire another teacher to teach the subject in Chinese. At that time, I thought that the best way to contribute to Shung Tak in my last few years was to combine my strengths in English and E&RS. If the school authority rejected my offer, I would divert my energy for the pursuit of deaconate. Unfortunately, my boss was not able to retain people to serve the school. In the end, I will have to teach all three levels of NSS E&RS in Chinese! I am back to square one. It seems that the school and I had made no progress in these two years. I am upset and it was all the more depressing when the priest did not seem to have prepared enough for the requiem mass.
The next evening, the parish held a requiem mass for the faithful who departed in April to June. There was not much I could recall. I was not sad or upset in particular. Perhaps I was tired, tired of going to funeral services three nights in a row. On Friday, I did not attend the Sacred Heart Solemnity. Instead, I played table-tennis with Symphorian after dinner. In fact, I should have gone to pray for Simon and his son because his AL results were not satisfactory. John and I knew that it must have been a devastating blow on Simon. All his hope for these seven years was smashed and all his efforts in sending his son to an elite school had proved to be futile. How would Simon face our boss and other colleagues on the coming Monday?
It is Sunday and we listened to the Gospel which rang exceptionally true to me.
At that time Jesus declared, "I thank thee, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that thou hast hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to babes." (Matthew 11:25)
Each one of us has something babe within. However, most of the time, we ignore it and despise it. I think we have TA (Transactional Analysis) to blame.TA was developed and popularized by Eric Berne in the late 1950s. One of his books is called Games People Play, which outlines an ego-state (Parent-Adult-Child) model to describe the feelings, thoughts and behaviours a person displays in interactions with others. It is an unfortunate choice to deposit most of the childhood experiences and behaviours under the label "Child", which can easily confuse with the natural naivety and trust advocated in the Gospel. Many times, we want to take people and things under our control because we are in need of a sense of security. Such needs are legitimate and not dysfunctional in themselves. It is bad only when our actions become disproportional to the situation. In the last analysis, it is bad when we act as if we were the master of the situation, ignoring God's will.
Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)
How consoling it is to hear these words from Jesus. He has pointed us the way: learn from him for he is gentle and lowly in heart.
Learn for we know that we will never become Jesus. We can only look like Jesus approximately. He is the target we should approach but will never reach. After all, we shouldn't be over-ambitious.
Be Gentle. Time and again, we are very demanding towards ourselves and others. The perfectionist me will surely drive ourselves and other nuts.
Be humble. We have witnessed how the mighty fall, from true heroes and pretended heroes. In the end, God takes all.
Dear Lord, help me learn to rest, relax and insist no more. Amen.
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