Father, I have sinned. Allow me to do my confession. I cannot remember when I last confessed. It must have been more than four years ago.
On June 28, a deacon sent a WhatsApp message to the Group of deacons. It was a translation of an article from a conservative Christian web. The message began with an email from Fr. Najeeb Michael [sic] which requested prayer for their safety. They were surrounded by Muslim rebels and etc. The email ended rather abruptly, suggesting that the sender was in great danger. The message continued to describe how Christians in Iraq fled from Muslim massacres. The message ended with a request for prayer. A search on the Internet yielded a notice Fr. Gregory Pine, O.P. put up on June 12, explaining that his fellow brother in the order, Fr. Najeeb Mikhal’s request on June 10 was based on false information. All requests for prayers on the web should be removed! I was not surprised. Just think about it. Fr. Najeeb requested prayer on June 10. The deacon forwarded the message on June 28. Wouldn’t it be too little, too late? What is worse, the message was forwarded by a deacon who, without thinking, added weight behind the credibility of a hoax! Shouldn’t clergy be more cautious in forwarding messages? They should at least take the trouble to try their best to verify the sources before sending them to the others. This time, I WhatsApp the deacon group what I had found together with my opinion on deacon’s credibility. Though I tried to use humble wordings, I am sure I have offended many of them. Who am I to correct them? I am only a candidate. I am not yet a deacon.
As a deacon candidate, I entertain certain expectations on my fellow deacons and clergy in general. I feel it an obligation for a clergy to present information to his audience as accurately as possible. For example, during the celebration of the feast of Ss. Peter and Paul, a clergy was contrasting the occupations of Peter and Paul during his homily. Of course, everybody knows that Peter was a fisherman before he followed Jesus. But the clergy said that Saul was a high-paid government official before he was converted on the road to Damascus. I just could not believe my ears. I felt an impulse to correct him. Of course I did not. But the arrogant me began to check out answers from the other priests. I am sorry to say that some of them did not give good enough answers.
I am tired. I am heavy laden (Matthew 11:28). It is because I have been arrogant. I know that I should let go. Yet, knowing does not necessarily result in doing. In me, humility is in short supply. My arrogance makes me a formidable person to live with. Many people I meet, I keep a distance. Perhaps underneath, I feel that they are not on a par with me. Consequently, team building is not my strength and most of the time, I single handedly finish my assignments with minimum collaboration. I become a perfectionist and delegate very little, preferring getting my jobs done myself. Thus, I am not a good mentor. Apprentices benefit very little from my guidance. Most of the time, my hands are full and I have very little time for my family and my spiritual health. I am sorry for these and all the sins of my past life.
Deus meus, ex toto corde pænitet me omnium meorum peccatorum, eaque detestor, quia peccando, non solum poenas a te iuste statutas promeritus sum, sed præsertim quia offendi te, summum bonum, ac dignum qui super omnia diligaris.
Ideo firmiter propono, adiuvante gratia tua, de cetero me non peccaturum peccandique occasiones proximas fugiturum. Amen
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