Suffering with a clear conscience

Today, we start reading the second epistle of Paul to Timothy. This is indeed a very personal letter. A number of names are mentioned, some in praises, a few in complaints. Therefore, Phygelus and Hermogenes went down in history to be someone who turned away from Paul in time of difficulties (2 Timothy 1:15). In contrast, we also know of a certain Onesiphorus who was not ashamed of the sufferings of Paul, often supported him and sought him out in Rome (2 Timothy 1:16-17).
Truly, we should welcome times of sufferings since then, we will be able to tell who our friends are, whose hearts are true. Conversely, we should welcome these times of trials because they provide us with opportunities to prove ourselves, how truly we believe in God. Often, we see God mete out sufferings as punishments for the wrongs we have done. I'm not OK. I am wrong. I have sinned. Therefore, I suffer. In short, we often suffer with a guilty conscience. But such was not the case for Paul. He said.
I thank God whom I serve with a clear conscience, as did my fathers, when I remember you constantly in my prayers (2 Timothy 1:3).
and therefore I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am sure that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me.
Follow the pattern of the sound words which you have heard from me, in the faith and love which are in Christ Jesus (2 Timothy 1:12-13).
Paul suffered because he preached the gospel and he was not ashamed of it. He served God with a clear conscience.
But where did those sufferings come from? Jesus and Paul were preaching God's message against the status quo. Though they had no intention to challenge the Jewish authority, the Jewish authority found them threatening. That probably was the cause of their sufferings. Similarly, the Roman Empire saw the Jesus movement a potentially dangerous cult because Christians refused to worship Caesar. They threatened the unity and military might of the Empire. Now that Christianity has become a religion recognized and approved by most governments; that the age of martyrdom has been over; that Christianity has become the status quo herself, believers live in the danger of losing their raison d'être. Why should they become believers in the first place?  Do you feel that God has called you? Even so, you have the freedom not to respond to the call. Why then believe?
In fact, the age of martyrdom has not quite over yet. It is a martyrdom of a different sort. Nowadays, outspoken cardinals criticize the policy of the government. They are carrying out their mission as prophets and conscience of the society. Governments nowadays are less brutal. They are politically smart enough not to immortalize these annoying cardinals with martyrdom. They use smear campaigns instead! Nowadays, the church needs to fight a different kind of battles. Some 'enlightened', progressive denominations are flirting with fire when they decide to ordain gay priests. They are inviting people to attack them. May God bless them that they suffer with a clear conscience.

Today, I attended a professional development course joinly orgainzed by  RME, Australian Catholic University, Caritas Francis Hsu College and Centre of Catholic Studies, CUHK. It is a three-day course on Catholic values in NSS Liberal Studies. The key speaker was Sr. Peta Goldburg and she talked about personal development and interpersonal relationships this morning. She quoted Gula's Moral Discernment to clarify the difference between superego and conscience. Conscience responds out of love, open towards others, not self. It is oriented towards values rather than authority, towards the future, not the way we were. It helps me understand the concept of conscience better and enables me to see why Paul has a clear conscience in serving God. When we see sufferings as God's punishments, we are wearing the superego hat in our thinking, not the conscience hat.

My Advocate, I thank You for granting me a future. I will make use of it to build up my conscience with which I will be better able to make moral decisions. Grant me also the courage to take the actions entailed. Today is also the 19^th anniversary of the June 4 massacre. I pray for the student martyrs. I pray for the Chinese leaders that they may have the courage to rectify the fame and contribution these students made with their lives. Amen.