We Christians have a responsibility towards our fellow men. We must tell them the gospel, the good news. If they listen to our message, good for them. If they don't, we cannot force them because it is their own freedom. We have fulfilled our duty and they have themselves to blame. However, if we don't preach the gospel, God will hold us responsible for their downfall.
However, sometimes, the gospel is not so pleasing to the ears. Like the gospel reading today, it sounds very harsh.
If any one comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple (Luke 14:26).
If religions are responsible for the transmission of values to the next generation, honouring one's parents must be one such value. Jesus was a Jew. The 10 Commandments came down from Judaism and honouring one's parents is one of the Commandments. It is hard to imagine how Jesus could have spoken such words and how Jesus would expect his audience, especially the Chinese audience, to listen to such a message.
Chinese cherish family values. The family occupies a more important place than the state in their hearts. Many people have criticized the Chinese for their lack of patriotism. They love their families more than their country. "Filial piety" is the primary Chinese virtue. This can be illustrated by a dialogue between Confucius and Ye Kung.
葉公語孔子曰：“吾黨有直躬者，其父攘羊，而子證之。”孔子曰：“吾黨之直者異於是。父為子隱，子為父隱，直在其中矣。”【論語‧子路】
In discussing what straight dealings were, Confucius added an element of familial bonding. Instead of testifying against each other in the court of law, a father should "cover" for the son, the son for the father. Of course, a lot of commentaries have been written to explain this dubious verse. But at least on a casual reading, familial bonding was of higher value than legal justice in the mentality of Chinese.
Do Chinese really care so much about family even at the expense of justice? Not quite! We can quote a famous story to dispel this misunderstanding.
四年，春，衛州吁弒桓公而立 ...州吁未能和其民 ...厚（石厚，石碏之子）從州吁如陳，石碏使告于陳曰，衛國褊小，老夫耄矣，無能為也，此二人者，實弒寡君，敢即圖之，陳人執之，而請蒞于衛，九月，衛人使右宰醜，蒞殺州吁于濮，石碏使其宰獳羊肩，蒞殺石厚于陳，君子曰，石碏，純臣也，惡州吁而厚與焉，大義滅親，其是之謂乎。【左傳‧隱公四年】
This is the allusion of the idiom 「大義滅親」. Therefore, familial bonding is not everything for Chinese.
Let's return to the gospel. Biblical scholars are of the opinion that the word "hate μισεῖ" is a Hebrew language feature. It means, in this context, "love less" rather than feeling hostile. In a similar passage, Matthew renders a different translation.
He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me (Matthew 10:37).
Biblical scholars believe that Luke was more faithful to Jesus' original wording while Matthew renders Jesus' saying in a more understandable manner. Therefore, Jesus did not encourage his followers to hate their parents. If he did, he would contradict his own teaching: to love even those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44). That is to say, even if your parents persecute you, prevent you from following Jesus, you still love them! Otherwise, you are not worthy of Jesus.
However, Fr. Milanese went one step deeper. He did not think that Jesus asked his followers to love him more than their parents. Fr. Milanese opined that love is not, like a TV commercial, a piece of mooncake. One slice for your mother, another for your younger brother and two slices for Jesus etc. This is a misunderstanding of love. He warned the young men that if their girl friends asked them, between God and them, which one they loved more, be sure to find out whether they were serious. If they were and forced you to make a choice, they had misunderstood love. Love can never be exclusive. Moreover, God is love. Without God, your love towards your girlfriend is empty, and even worse, is lustful. Similarly, our love of Jesus includes our parents. Since God is the source of all love, naturally, we should choose Him and love Him more than our parents.
This reading makes the two parables sandwiched between Jesus' exhortations more sensible. Jesus told us to renounce our relationships, our possessions and achievements etc. to follow him. Then he told two parables which suggest that we should weigh our abilities carefully before we take up any project. Otherwise, the consequence would be disastrous. It seems that Jesus was warning against people joining him impulsively (Luke 14:28-32).
Again, such an understanding is contrary to the Christian attitude towards life. Christians are not consequentialists. Jesus taught us to be like a child, not to be so calculating. We care more about the process rather than the consequence. We plant the seeds and leave the outcomes to God.
Therefore, following Fr. Milanese' line of reasoning, I believe Jesus was telling us to take God into the account. When we take up our cross to follow Jesus, he would take care of our parents, children and brothers. The problem is that many of our leave God out of our picture. We do not trust God enough. If we take God into consideration, we will have a favourable balance sheet. Then, we will be more confident to follow Jesus. Woe to those who do not take up his cross to follow Jesus!
Dear Lord, I believe. Help me believe more. Help me repent and forgive my sins. Amen.
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