Take heart, it is I; have no fear.

Do we see Jesus in our times of despair, times of darkness? We had better do.
Yesterday, I attended the Election Rite for Deacons in which Cosmas officially became a candidate. Fr. Dominic Chan, V.G. officiated at the mass. He opened his homily with the crash of stock market last Friday. The HSI closed nearly 1000 points down from the previous day. The total capitalization shed roughly 5% and the market is expected to be very bumpy in the next few days. Seeing their assets shrinking out of control, many people were panicking.
But immediately he spoke to them, saying, "Take heart, it is I; have no fear."(Matthew 14:27)
Do these words mean anything to us?

In psychology, we learn that fear is an inborn emotion which is evolutionarily beneficial for the survival of an organism. Facing an imminent, life-threatening danger, an organism will either fight or flight. Fear drives the organism to run away to save its life. Fear signals us to retreat, to stay away, to take cover. Without fear, we blindly walk into hell and perish. Therefore, fear is healthy. However, some fears can be dysfunctional and can immobilize the organism. In such situations, the organism is stuck and needs professional support from without.

Whatever we do, there will always be a percentage of risks. Nothing we do is 100% safe. We do not choose to put ourselves in dangers, in hopeless situations. However, bad things just happen and fall upon our heads. Therefore, what Peter had done is difficult to reason. The gospel of Mark does not report this incident. Only Matthew does.
Jesus sent the apostles away on a boat after the feeding of 5000 miracle. He himself went up the mountain alone to pray. It was about 4 a.m. when Jesus saw his apostles still straining at the oars, tossed around in the waves, he walked to them on the water. At least four of the apostles were fishermen. They used to work at night but had never experienced such great waves. So, when they saw something moving on the water, they were terrified and cried out that it was a ghost. Jesus reassured them that it was he. What happened next was totally illogical. Peter requested the permission to walk to the Lord on the water. Jesus granted the permission and Peter started walking on the water to Jesus (Matthew 14:28-29). What was going on inside the head of Peter? Why did he decide to put himself in great perils?

Perhaps we should not read this incident too literally. The V.G. was right when he told the congregation about meeting God in our private prayers. Jesus has set us a good example. In many occasions, the evangelists tell us that Jesus goes away from the hustle and bustle of the day and prays in solitude. Very often, we fill up our life with many many activities: watching TV, surfing the Internet, reading tabloids, playing online games and chatting on the phone etc. In fact, we make ourselves so fully occupied in order to run away from our inner self and from God. We are afraid to confront our true self and a perceived fearful God.
We are not familiar with ourselves. There are too many defects: greed, hatred, lust, prejudice, pride and wounds which are too powerful to overcome and threaten to drown us once they are let loose. We are not familiar with our God. He is too judgmental, omniscient, revengeful and watchful but never gets tired. Crisis provides us with a golden opportunity to turn to God for help.
Peter and his company were strained in a difficult situation. They had worked very hard to escape from a deathtrap but couldn't. Among them, only Peter saw hope in Jesus. He wanted to reach Jesus. On his way, he saw his sinfulness bear down on him and he nearly sank and drowned. Jesus delivered him.

Confronting our stark nakedness is a very disturbing experience. We may resort to different defence mechanisms to soothe our ego. We may compartmentalize our life so that we can be saintly on Sunday and become beastly once we step out of the Church. We may project and put all the blames on the others. We may keep on torturing ourselves with a sense of guilt instead of taking a step to reconcile because it would be more painful to do so. Very often, we are hindered by our own sinfulness. Out of shame, out of guilt, we don't feel we deserve salvation.
Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord. (Luke 5:8b)
Have no fear. Jesus assures us. He goes all the way out to save and to heal.
And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. (Matthew 14:32)

Dear Lord,  may we be healed and live in Your peace forever. Amen.