Easter Sunday, Year C
Theme: Christ Has Risen. Have You? 主復活了，你呢？
Christ has risen. Alleluia. Easter is supposed to be a joyful season. Christians have previously spent forty days in the Lenten Season fasting, praying and giving alms to prepare themselves for the celebration. The longer the preparation, the more joyous the celebration is supposed to be. Otherwise, why should we spend so many days performing such harsh tasks? Frankly speaking, despite all my efforts to pray, to abstain and to serve, I am not as joyful as I’m supposed to be. What has gone wrong? Does my mood indicate that I have not died and risen together with my merciful Lord? Though it is a terrible thought, it is NOT something from which I should run away. With the help of the merciful Lord, let me take the courage to face it down.
Has my mood been affected by external events such as the pandemic and the Russian-Ukraine war? Not at all. I know that viruses mutate much faster than their hosts. In order to survive, all viruses would evolve into less lethal and more infectious mutants. This strategy will ensure that they would not kill off their hosts and would increase their likelihood to reproduce because they would have more time to do so. Therefore, despite all the government’s efforts to manipulate the data of confirmed cases in the 5th wave, most citizens know that mandarins in air-conditioned offices have been crying wolves, further hampering their credibility. Whatever they do, it is impossible for them to overturn scientific laws. I might have officiated at more funerals but that doesn’t affect my mood much. On the contrary, as I have often mentioned in my funeral eulogies that funeral services have provided us with golden opportunities to examine once more the meaning of staying alive! Though it sounds weird, I truly enjoy officiating at funerals.
What about the war which has been waging on in Ukraine since February 24? I’m not numb and am able to feel the misery of the pitiful refugees, especially those women and children who have fallen victim into the hands of human traffickers. Their future is grim. What more can I do other than praying for God’s mercy. Wars are terrible and while most of the western media are focusing on this particular conflict, I’m sure there are many more wars of smaller scales taking place around the globe. This Russian-Ukraine war won’t be the last either. It’s a matter of how long it will last. Most likely, the politicians in the West would be happy to see it drag on and on in order to exhaust the Russian polar bear. In anticipation of more wars ahead, I will keep my composure and reduce unnecessary worries. Now, I must turn inward to examine my mood.
Traditional Chinese find joy in four things: raining in a long drought, meeting an old acquaintance in alien soil, consummating in wedlock and being nominated champion by the Emperor. These joys are physical as well as economical (thirst), relational (communion in friendship and marriage) and lastly about status and esteem. All of them agree with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Some of these needs arise from deficiency such as food, security and community. It is painful when these needs are not gratified. There are other needs which belong to a sense of accomplishment. When those needs are not met, one does not feel pains but a feeling of being unfulfilled would keep nagging you day in and day out.
My wife once told me that because of my status as a permanent deacon, nobody dares to frankly tell me that I have been singing out of tune! What’s more, I’m popular as a deacon. Many people enjoy my company. Without any deliberate effort, I’m able to surround myself with like-minded people so that I would be able to speak my mind free from constrain. I’m too busy to feel lonely. I’m even able to hush others up so that my train of thoughts would not be disrupted. I once even allowed my temper to flare up in order to make my point …
Poor me, I’m ageing. I’m losing control over my hearing and the sensitivity of other nerve endings. Perhaps it is a curse of being a diabetic. I start dropping crumbs of food on my pants, toppling flower pots which were decorating the altar and having trouble to maintain a straight path in my walking. My worst nightmare would be the toppling of the chalice of Christ’s blood on the altar … I’m literally not listening to other people’s suggestions.
My lack of empathy is worsening and I’m becoming more subjective and judgmental. For example, an elderly parishioner with a mental history insisted on not taking COVID vaccination because she believed in some questionable conspiracy theories that the government has deliberately laced the vaccines with HIV to write off the older generations to save money! As a Catholic, she believes in prophecies of false prophets on social media; and that Pope Francis is an anti-pope etc. It’s nothing new to me since I have visited Siu Lam Psychiatric Centre before and have met many cases worse than hers. It proves that I am not more wrong! Each case is unique. Failing to convince her, at last I blocked her WhatsApp account so that she wouldn’t be able to flood me with those fake news and rumours. In retrospect, she behaved as such because she skipped her mental medicines while I skipped my patience and peace. Our communication has collapsed and I have failed my duty as a shepherd of my parishioners … Consequently, I spent a lot of energy trying to find my peace and keep my peace to no avail. No wonder I’m not able to find joy in the resurrection of Jesus Christ who has risen from the dead, but I haven’t.
Don’t tell me that it’s alright and all I need to do is to take some rest. No, you’re actually telling me that I was wrong! It’s my fault …
I thank God for granting me my wife who loves me, is able to tell me the truth and continues to support me despite all my failings. God, have mercy on me for I’m a sinner (Luke 18:13). Forgive me my trespasses and grant me strength to forgive those who trespass against me. Amen.
2013 Reflection
p.s. I could only finish this reflection one week late after “confessing” to my wife.
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