Home sweet home?

"All happy families are alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
This is the most quoted first line of the novel Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy published in 1877. Let's face it, though families have long been held to be the basic building cells of a society, many of these cells are dysfunctional. Though families are supposed to provide safe havens conducive to the healthy development of children, many of us city people are dumbfounded by evening news that just around the corner in our neighbourhood, some of these "havens" turn out to be torture chambers of minors.  Happy families are rare. If the Bible provides us with more than an idealized picture of societies in ancient Near East, we have to admire the candour of the authors, especially that of Genesis which we are reading. He did not shy away from telling us child abuses, co-wife rivalries, incest and sibling rivalries etc. down right from the very first family.

The Bible has not told us the life of any slave family, if slaves had ever been able to build up any so-called family. Slaves worked most of the time for their masters. They did not have the time and freedom to do their personal things beyond the bare necessities. In fact, high living standards in Hong Kong have forced many parents into slave-like working parents. They have very little time to spend with their family members. True, many successful professionals choose to remain single. Even if they get married, they prefer keeping pets to raising children of their own. These more capable people do not want to waste their energy in building and maintaining families. Their commitment lies elsewhere. I am afraid Genesis will not be able to shed any light on the family life of these two groups of people. So, let me return to my own situation.
Sibling rivalry is one of the main themes running through Genesis. Cain killed Abel out of jealousy. Among the three sons of Noah, only Shem's family was highlighted. Ishmael was driven out by his father Abraham and only Isaac remained. Isaac married Rebekah at forty (Genesis 25:20). Rebekah was barren and had to wait until twenty years later when she was able to give birth to a pair of twin brothers, Esau and Jacob.
When the boys grew up, Esau was a skilful hunter, a man of the field, while Jacob was a quiet man, dwelling in tents.
Isaac loved Esau, because he ate of his game; but Rebekah loved Jacob (Genesis 25:27-28).
Genesis tells a little story to show the unworthiness of Esau. He despised his own birthright (Genesis 25:29-34).

When Isaac was 100, Esau his firstborn took two alien wives and they made life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah.
When Esau was forty years old, he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite;
and they made life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 26:34-35).
With this background, Rebekah engineered a coup d'état for Jacob to obtain the firstborn blessing from Isaac who was old and blind by then (Genesis 27:6-29). Consequently, Esau swore to kill Jacob.
Now Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him, and Esau said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are approaching; then I will kill my brother Jacob." (Genesis 27:41)


Genesis tells us that Rebekah did not regret what she had done. She did it because of the alien daughters-in-law. She was certain that Esau was only impulsive in issuing the death threat but it would only be a threat after all. It would not materialize. Listen to this mother.
But the words of Esau her older son were told to Rebekah; so she sent and called Jacob her younger son, and said to him, "Behold, your brother Esau comforts himself by planning to kill you.
Now therefore, my son, obey my voice; arise, flee to Laban my brother in Haran,
and stay with him a while, until your brother's fury turns away;
until your brother's anger turns away, and he forgets what you have done to him; then I will send, and fetch you from there. Why should I be bereft of you both in one day?"
Then Rebekah said to Isaac, "I am weary of my life because of the Hittite women. If Jacob marries one of the Hittite women such as these, one of the women of the land, what good will my life be to me?" (Genesis 27:42-46)

This is the last word we hear Rebekah speak. She wanted no more Hittitie daughter-in-law!
The relationship between mothers and daughters-in-law has never been easy regardless of which culture you are in. As a man, it is incomprehensible to me but I can feel the strain when I am caught in the crossfire. Being the firstborn, it is inevitable for me to be the target of favouritism from both of my parents. My mother's is smothering. Luckily, my younger brother supports me a lot. He did not gain the same intensity of love from mum because, according to her, my younger brother cried too loudly in his childhood! But his personality is more independent because from primary 4, my parents sent him boarding in Aberdeen Technical School run by the Salesians. Regrettably, my mother did not allow him to be baptized. Therefore, rivalry between us was reduced to nought. We studied in different schools, worked in different fields and hanged around in different social circles. Now that I have a family of my own, he still lives with my parents, remaining single. I feel like owing him something. Now that I have 4 children of my own, I hope I have loved them enough yet not smothering. I hope they will support each other like arms and limbs.

My Lord, I thank You for the blessings You have been showering on my family. I believe in Your miracles and the importance of families. I pray that children from dysfunctional families may grow out of their traumas and come forever closer to You. Amen.