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Sunday 20 December 2009

Fourth Advent Sunday (Year C)

Eight members from the youth choir went on a retreat from Saturday to Sunday in Honeyville. They invited Fr. Patrick Sun to be the spiritual director. I have not gone on a retreat for many years and am badly in need for one. Therefore, after the Church History lesson in the Seminary, I rushed to the Retreat House in Mount Davis Road. The choir members took up a very active role in this retreat. They planned the schedule with Fr. Patrick. They ran part of the show. For example, by the time I arrived and had my dinner, Wulstan was conducting an activity in which a blind-folded member had to listen to his partner's instruction to walk through a maze made up of thumb pins! These young people can take care of themselves. They decorated the chapel and fully immersed themselves in the different prayer exercises conducted by Fr. Patrick who introduced and practised with us the Divine Mercy devotion as well as the Lectio Divina. We also had a Taizè evening prayer service in the chapel. The service was conducted around a crucifix. After several rounds of Taizè hymns and Bible reading, each of us took turn to prostrate before the crucifix, touching it and pour out our pains, prayers, sins and worries to the crucified Lord. Fr. Patrick taught us that our achievements could somehow be traced back to God who made our good possible. But our sufferings and our sins were definitely the work of man. When we offer our achievements to God, we are giving back to God what should have belonged to God. But when we offer our pains and our sins, we are offering ourselves. When I prostrated myself in front of the crucifix and stayed in such a posture for about three minutes, I did not sense any outpour of emotions. Rather, I sensed the Lord told me that I was NOT yet ready.

In the morning after breakfast, we read Psalm 103 together before we went down to the beach to reach God through getting in touch with the nature. Fr. Patrick told us to rely less on our sight but more on hearing the birds, hearing the waves. He encouraged us to pick up rocks on the beach to feel the texture, smell the salty air etc. When I reached the beach, I chose a slab of stone nearest the sea to sit down. After a long period of depression and withdrawal, I am able to come out a bit. These days, a phrase kept cycling around my ears, telling me to try out newer experience. The Sweet Lord is asking me to come out from my comfort zone, equip myself to serve others. We did our sharing afterwards and Wulstan showed us a piece of rock he picked up. He sensed that the Lord told him to choose a verse from the Bible for the rock and write on it. From the rock, he saw all men being rocks. For each of us, God has prepared a verse.
After sharing, Fr. Patrick taught us Lectio Divina. He gave us 3 passages to choose from and prayed with the passage. I chose the second reading of the Sunday Mass, Hebrews 10:5-10 which turns out to be the most popular choice among us. Wulstan chose the gospel reading from Epiphany instead. We headed off to different places to do Lectio Divina. We read the passage aloud several times. When we come to a verse which we receive some special feelings, we keep reading the verse until we internalize it. If we are lucky (i.e. if it be God's will), we may enter the last stage --- contemplation, a face to face encounter with God.
After reading aloud the passage for about 10 times, I gradually narrowed down the reading to less verses and at last focused on this verse.
He abolishes the first in order to establish the second (Hebrews 10:9b).
I found it difficult to articulate the feeling about this half-verse. God speaks to me through this half-verse. What did He want to abolish through me, in me? What did He want to establish through me, in me? Unfortunately, I was not able to reach contemplation. The answer remains out of reach.
Wulstan did not just focus on one verse but verses related to the Magi. The first one was a half-verse.
Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? (Matthew 2:2a)
He did not simply read it aloud. He sang it. In the end, he sang "The king of the Jews is here!"
He also had specially feelings on the gifts from the Magi. He asked himself what gifts he had brought. Then he was aware that he had nothing to offer but his worries and frustrations at this moment. Thank you Lord, my son is growing up, physically as well as spiritually.
I came to this retreat, trying to reflect on my position at this moment. Perhaps I am too much occupied and have not given myself enough time to reflect seriously on my career. Perhaps I need to give up some good things in order to establish a better thing.

Dear Lord, may Your coming refresh my vision. Allow me to see more clearly my way ahead. I am lack of confidence. Amen.

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