Am I stubborn?

Yes, I am a stubborn man, but no more.
I believe in the teaching of E&RS in an English College in the medium of English. I believe that it is good for the students. However, the Diocesan secondary school I am working in follows the directives of the Catholic Church in Hong Kong to use mother tongue as the medium of instruction so as to be able to touch the hearts of the students. I do not buy this view and so I declined teaching the New Senior Secondary Ethics and Religious Studies in Chinese. The school had no choice but to hire another teacher to take up the teaching duties and the head of the RS Department.

Next year, the school will be offering the subject in three different levels from S4 to S6. It would be unhealthy for the Department to have only one teacher taking care of all levels. I would have been the most obvious choice, had I not insisted on teaching it in English. Our boss needed to persuade me to change my mind. His approach failed miserably.

The other day, he called me into his office and told me that I had to justify my being a Graduate Master! Either I teach an examination class or head a committee! It was unfair to Certificate Master teachers who are now teaching examination classes. (A fact in point, this is the first year I do not teach exam classes.) He had conceded. He "offered" me to teach E&RS in English.
I was turned off. I replied that it had always been my desire to teach E&RS in English. If he were able to convince the School Management Committee, I would be extremely happy to take up this offer. Of course, he failed but he could tell people that he had tried.
Then I wrote a letter to the Supervisor, applying to down grade my position to a Certificate Master. I offered three reasons. Firstly, if the school, as a Catholic school, does not think teaching Ethics and Religious Education in senior classes (S5 to S7) is enough to justify my being a GM, I have no more comment. Secondly, as an Ethics teacher, I teach my students the principle of Justice. If I do not practice what I teach, I am a Pharisee. Lastly, I expect my study load to be getting heavier. Therefore, I apply to down grade myself to a Certificate Master.

After knowing this news, John, Simon and Raymond tried to talk me over to change my mind. I should not have been so stubborn. I would be losing $16,000 a month. Even if I wanted to be a martyr, it would be unfair for my family members to bear this unnecessary burden. My students would not benefit anything. Moreover, my boss would bear a bad name because of my stepping down. In short, nobody benefits anything. It is against the principle of utility --- greatest happiness for the greatest number of people. I would be doing harm to everybody. It is against the principle of non-maleficence. I had been upset and impulsive.


Today, Fr. Martin Ip also talked about our stubbornness and prejudice as the causes of our failing to see Christ in our daily life. The experience of the two disciples on their way to Emmaus is instructive (Luke 24:13-35). They had a preconceived idea of the Messiah. They expected him to come like Moses to liberate them from the Roman rule. Jesus did not live up to their expectations. God had a better plan which looked stupid on the surface.
After the tragic crucifixion of their master, the two disciples left Jerusalem for Emmaus. Jesus appeared to them but they could not recognize him. Their false expectations had blocked their mind's eyes to see Jesus. It was only when Jesus performed an act they were familiar were they able to recognize him.
When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed, and broke it, and gave it to them.
And their eyes were opened and they recognized him; and he vanished out of their sight (Luke 24:30-31).
We too are like the two disciples. We cherish a lot of false expectations on our family members, friends, colleagues and government officials. We are not able to see their "true" faces even if they want to show them. We place a lot of unrealistic demands on ourselves. We are not able to live our "authentic" life even if we want to improve it.

John, Simon and Raymond are perfectly right. They encouraged me to accept the offer to teach E&RS in Chinese. I can give my students English vocabulary whenever I deem beneficial to them etc. I began to see the whole issue in a new light. The boss was trying to save my position which I gave up too easily. The Supervisor met me as soon as she could. The first sentences she spoke were that the school needs me. I am the best candidate to share the load. It would be bad for my partner to teach in Chinese while I teach in English etc. I no longer insist. The Supervisor kindly withdrew my application letter. It was a happy ending ...

Yesterday, Peter Lee, my "guardian angel" remarked how heavy the burden priests have to bear day in day out because they have to keep what they hear in the confessionals confidential for the whole life. I told him I understood perfectly the burden of keeping secrets. One of my colleagues told me that (s)he would resign and asked me to keep this secret. I was very upset, not only because of the burden of keeping secret, but also for the future development of the school.

Dear Lord, I am sorry for my stubbornness and impulsiveness. I have created too many troubles for my school. Forgive me Lord. Help me tidy up what havoc I have wreaked. Amen.