Humility in spousal relationship

I spent my birthday away from home, staying in a retreat house with the deacon candidates and aspirants to reflect on the topic of humility, in particular humility between husbands and wives. Birthday or no birthday cake is not that important for me. After all, my children had already celebrated Father's Day cum Father's Birthday with me last Sunday. So, there is no regret going to a retreat. However, I did not expect much from this retreat perhaps because humility is not an exciting topic. Moreover, Erminia had to stay behind to look after my parents. Indeed, only 4 wives took part. Seven men went solo. However, we see one advantage. These single men could talk more freely without constraints. Their wives were not present to hear them boast. However, I cannot be more wrong than this. This morning, I wept beyond my control.

First of all, the keynote speeches by Fr. Étienne Vetö, a member of the Chemin Neuf Community,
and Fr. Benedict Lam, Rector of the local Holy Spirit Seminary are stimulating. They make me realize that I don't have to be afraid of my vulnerability and nakedness. Humility is the key to forgiveness and forgiveness is the key to unlock human bondage. So, humility is the key to the key to bring about reconciliation to oneself, to the others and to God. Because of its nature, I was right to see humility not as an exciting topic.

Fr. Veto is very experienced in family pastoral services. He was able to pinpoint specific spousal interactions in which humility makes a whole lot of differences for the better. His speech enables me to see what a male-chauvinist I have been. I have to admit that I owe Erminia a lot. Without her consolation and support, I would not have been able to stand up again and answer God's vocation. Fr. Veto's keynote talk did not make me weep. He left us a practice exercise for couples to pray. Since our wives did not come, we seven men split into two groups and made use of our creativity to adapt the procedures for husbands to pray together. I was in a group of three. It was in this prayer practice that I wept. God touched me where I least expected it.

The prayer procedures are simple. Firstly, husband and wife meditate separately on a passage for 15 minutes. This time John 13:1-17 was chosen for the theme of humility. Then, the couple come together to share for a further 15 minutes. Just listen and do not interrupt. Then, they depart a second time to meditate for another 15 minutes, this time with the input from the spouse. Lastly, they meet again to share and exchange and pray together in the end.

My group members are less lucky ones. The wife of the first one to share suffered a life-threatening disease while the husband was unemployed. He used to be the major bread-winner of the family and he was glad that his wife rather relied on him and he was able to take care of her. But at the present moment, his dire condition humbles him. The wife of the second member has already died for a couple of years. He is soft and not at all outspoken. He had to take over the role of his wife even though his children are already grown up. Their communication has not been as successful as it should. You can imagine he would patiently discharge his roles non-imposingly.
I thought this was supposed to be a husband and wife sharing. His wife is already dead. Suddenly, I fancied that it would be no harm trying to imagine his wife listening to his sharing. It was here that things started going wrong. I think I could really feel his pains. Perhaps I was able to build up an empathy with him. My eyes began to wet.
We separated for 15 minutes and came together to do the last part of the sharing. In his prayer, the widower spoke characteristically softly. I took the initiative to extend my arms on their shoulders to pull our heads together. We formed a circle, arms on shoulders, to pray. When my turn came, I started praising God and prayed that our remaining life would be a song of praise ... I lost control, sobbed and wept.

Dear Lord, I thank you for sending these two brothers to touch my heart. May our life be a song of praise to your love. Amen.