主題：現代婚姻生活所遇到的困難
作為一個天主教徒，我們在現世無可避免地擁有雙重國籍。我們既屬於天主的國，也屬於世界上的某個國家。擁有雙重國籍，意味我們享有兩個國家的權利，同時我們需要遵守兩個國家的法律。所以，作為一個天主教徒，我們要遵守天主的法律和本地的法律。天主的法律記載在聖經中，在教會的法律裡。
讓我們讀清楚耶穌的教訓。耶穌有沒有說梅瑟容許寫休書休妻是錯的呢？沒有。錯祗錯在以色列人心硬。「心硬」是甚麼意思？是就沒有愛心的意思，祗著眼自己的利益，不理他人的死活，就是自私，就是自我中心。例如，福音教訓我們要「神貧」，警告我們不能同時事奉天主又事奉金錢，因為坐擁萬金容易令人為富不仁，心腸變硬，對窮人的需要麻木。應用在婚姻之中，心硬就是見異思遷，忘記夫妻之間的恩情。婚姻是終生不逾，至死方休的山盟海誓，那麼，梅瑟必須在殺人和姦淫之間，兩害取其輕，提供一個寫休書休妻的安全掣，保護處於劣勢的婦女。一紙休書還婦女的自由身，可以改嫁。這是梅瑟的權宜之計。所以梅瑟並沒有錯，沒有違反天主的意願。
況且，耶穌是來使法律完滿的（瑪5:17）。在社會的法律下，婚姻是一個帶有社會及經濟益處的合約。但耶穌把婚姻昇華成為一件聖事：夫妻在婚姻中承受天主的祝福和恩寵，在所建立的家庭中成聖。倘若為了種種原因，婚姻失敗了，以當地的法律，例如寫休書休妻，離婚收場。耶穌會感到傷心和可惜，但他並沒有批評反對這種現世法律的權宜之計。回到利瑪竇的例子。利瑪竇勸仕大夫保留元配，遣散多餘的妻妾，還她們自由身，是正確的做法。因為耶穌反對的，是離婚再娶。利瑪竇沒有鼓吹再娶，而是鼓吹一夫一妻。所以利瑪竇的做法，也沒有錯。
其實分居後祗要仍保持獨身的生活，在天主的眼中，兩人仍是當初一樣，仍是一體。但當中如果出現了第三者介入，無論這第三者是導至離婚的原因，抑或是分居後出現的所謂「第二春」，就會破壞了當初兩個人的盟約，事情就不好辦了。這種情況就好像以色列人當初離開埃及，在西乃山與天主立約，奉解放他們的天主為惟一真神。到了應許的福地後，卻跟隨當地人拜偶像，忘記了天主的救恩。這種做法，有如夫妻之間出現了第三者，對自己的元配不忠一樣。天主把西乃山的盟約比喻為婚姻的盟約，把自己與以色列人的關係比喻為婚姻關係，把拜偶像與通姦等同，可見其嚴重性。這就是耶穌這樣嚴厲批評離婚再娶的原因。
現代社會的環境更為複雜，有很多的因素在破壞著婚姻生活，家庭生活；要維持一段美好的婚姻關係極不容易。以往在大家族一起生活，遇到困難時身邊還有很多人可以幫忙和支持。今天生活在小家庭中，夫妻之間就少了身邊的親戚朋友作緩衝，磨擦就更直接、更容易受傷，並且更容易傷及身邊的兒女。所以現代人更需要天主祝福和保障他們的婚姻。
請記住，教會應該是幫助有需要的人的教會，而不是個判官的教會。所以我們每一個人都有責任幫助身邊在婚姻上遇到困難的兄弟姊妹，而不是歧視他們，疏遠他們。
聖經是一個小型圖書館，藏有七十三部書，寫作時間橫跨千多年。最後一本書約在公元一百年完成，距今差不多一千九百年了。時代在進步，社會在進步，天主的教會也因應時代的改變，把天主的法律作出更恰當的運用。例如在古代奴隸制度的社會裡，買賣奴隸是理所當然的，連保祿宗徒所寫的書信，亦並沒有猛烈批評奴隸制度的不公義。但到了今天，教會就不能捧著聖經來支持人口販賣了。又例如婚姻制度，雖然在舊約的故事中，有些人物都有很多妻子兒女。例如雅各伯就有十二個兒子，是以列色十二支派的祖宗，他們全部是由雅各伯的兩個表妹和表妹的婢女為他生的。民長之中有位基德紅，他有七十個親生的兒子。至於妻妾和女兒的數目就無從稽考了。到了君王時代，按列王紀上十一章的記載，撒羅滿王有七百個妻妾和三百個妃嬪，更不在話下了。但他們都是有權有勢的大人物。其實大部份人都是實行一夫一妻的。所以教會亦不會用舊約的個別例子來支持一夫多妻制度，並且按耶穌在今天所讀的福音的教訓，鼓吹一男一女的一夫一妻制和反對離婚。在中國明代，意大利籍的利瑪竇神父來華，向仕大夫傳教時，其中一個要克服的障礙就是要說服那些官員實行一夫一妻制，保留他們的元配，遣散其餘的妻妾。大家自然會問，天主教不是反對離婚的嗎？利瑪竇神父又怎能教仕大夫寫休書，遣散多了出來的妻妾呢？
天主如何祝福保障婚姻出現困難的夫婦呢？天主就靠我們了。今天我們聽到很多人提出離婚的理由是性格不合，「因誤會而結合，因了解而分開」。聽起來瀟灑，其實是不負責任。雖然愛情是盲目的，但去到談婚論嫁的地步，終身大事，總不能隨隨便便了事嘛。結婚前應多了解，結婚後就要多忍讓了！我們經常說，「家家有本難唸的經」。話雖如此，但當局者迷，作為朋友的，鄰居的，總要有愛心，發揮守望相助的精神，幫助他們，更鼓勵他們尋求專業的協助。教會方面，雖然不能改變耶穌對婚姻不可拆散的教訓，但有豐富牧民經驗的教宗方濟各，他非常了解兩夫婦在現代社會所遇的困難。他已表示會下放權力，把一些傳統上保留給教廷處理的婚姻無效個案，交由本地主教處理，大大縮短處理的時間。
天主保祐。
Twenty Seventh Ordinary Sunday (Year B)
Theme: Marital difficulties in modern times
As a Catholic, we inevitably possess dual nationality. That is, we belong to the Kingdom of God and an earthly country. Possessing dual nationality means we enjoy the rights of two countries and at the same time, we have to obey the laws of these two countries. Therefore, as a Catholic, we have to observe God’s laws and local laws. God’s laws are written in the Bible and the Canon Laws of the Church.
The Bible is a small library of 73 books. They took more than a thousand years to write and the last book was finished in 100 A.D., nearly 1,900 years ago. Time is moving ahead and societies are advancing. Therefore the Church of God makes appropriate adjustments in the application of God’s laws. For example, in slavery societies, slave trading was a normal practice. Even St. Paul did not condemn the injustice of slavery. But today, the Church cannot support human trafficking with the teachings of the Bible. Take another example of marriage. Although many famous people in the Old Testament have many wives and children, e.g. Jacob had 12 sons who were the patriarchs of the 12 tribes of Israel. Two cousins and their maids gave birth to them. Gideon the Judge had 70 sons. The number of daughters and wives remained unknown. During the time of Empire, according to 1 Kings 11, King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines; these were rare examples of famous people only. In fact, most people practised monogamy. Therefore, the Church would not support polygamy with a few examples from the Old Testament. She will stick to Jesus’ teaching of monogamy between one man and one woman and opposes divorce. During Ming Dynasty, Matthew Ricci preached in China and one of the obstacles he had to overcome was to persuade the Mandarins to practise monogamy. They should live with their first wife and sent away the remaining wives and concubines. Naturally, you would wonder whether the Catholic Church really opposed divorce. How could Fr. Ricci teach the Mandarins to write a divorce letter to send away the reductant wives and concubines?
Let us read more carefully the teaching of Jesus. Did Jesus say that Moses was wrong to allow people to divorce their wives with a divorce certificate? No. The fault lies not in the divorce certificate but in the hardness of the hearts of the Jews. What does “hardness of heart” mean? It means there is no love in their hearts. They focus on their own interests and ignore the needs and difficulties of the others. They are selfish and self-centred. For example, the gospel of Matthew teaches us to be “poor in spirit”, warns us not to serve God and money at the same time. It is because riches and treasures will easily harden our hearts so much so that we become insensitive to other people’s needs. In the case of marriage, hardness of hearts means we forget the love between the spouses and engage in extra-marital affairs. Marriage is a covenant for life. We made a vow that till death we part. In this situation, Moses had to decide between murder and adultery. He chose the lesser evil and provided a safety valve of divorce certificate to protect the women who were in a disadvantaged position. The divorce certificate freed them so that they might marry another man later. Moses was not wrong in protecting these pitiful women. He did not go against God’s will.
Indeed, Jesus came to fulfil the law (Matthew 5:17). Under the civil law of a society, marriage is a contract that brings a lot of social and economic benefits to the society. However, Jesus elevates marriage into a sacrament. Husbands and wives receive God’s blessings and grace in marriage and attain sanctification in the family they build up through marriage. If for various reasons, a marriage fails and ends up in divorce through local laws, Jesus must be very sad and disappointed about it, but he did not criticize this contingency plan. Return to the story of Fr. Matthew Ricci. Fr. Ricci encouraged the Mandarins to keep their first wife but sent away the redundant wives and concubines, to restore their freedom. He was right. What Jesus objected was remarriage after divorce. Fr. Ricci did not encourage remarriage but monogamy. Therefore, what Fr. Ricci did was not wrong.
In fact, when a couple separate and as long as they remain single, in the eyes of God, they are still one in flesh as they did in the first instance. But when a third person intrudes, whether this third person is the cause of divorce or a “second spring” after separation, this third person would destroy the original covenant. This is a situation similar to Exodus. After leaving behind Egypt, Israel entered into a covenant with God on Mount Sinai, worshipping Yahweh who liberated them as their only God. But after entering the Promised Land, the Israelites followed the local inhabitants to worship idols and had forgotten God’s liberation. This behaviour is similarly to extra-marital affairs. God looks at the Sinai Covenant as a marital covenant. He looks at his relationship with the Israelites as a marital relationship. Therefore, adultery is idolatry and vice versa. You may understand why adultery is such a serious crime. That is why Jesus seriously criticizes remarriage after divorce.
Modern society is more complicated. There are more factors harmful to married life and family life. It is not at all easy to maintain a good marital relation. People were used to living in big and extended families. When one family member encountered a difficulty, there would be many more people around to offer help. Today, we live in nuclear families. There is no buffer, no friends and relatives between the spouses. There will be more direct clashes, deeper injuries and the children will be more easily wounded. Therefore, modern people need more blessing and protection for their marriages from God.
How does God bless and protect the people who come down with marital difficulties? God relies on us. Today we hear of personality mismatch as a reason for divorce. They say “out of misunderstanding we married, of understanding we separate.” This sounds sensational but in fact it is irresponsible. It is true that love is blind, but when we reach the stage of marriage proposal, how can we be casual in such a big thing? See more clearly before you get married. Turn a blind eye (to all the unpleasant things) afterwards.
It is true that “each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” But as outsiders, as friends or neighbours, we are able to see more clearly from another perspective. We should have a big heart to take care of each other, help and encourage those who encounter marital difficulties to seek professional advice. The Church cannot change Jesus’ teaching of indissolubility of marriage. But our Pope has much pastoral experiences. He understands clearly what difficulties modern couples are facing. He intends to delegate authority to the bishops to handle annulment cases traditionally reserved for the Roman Curia so as to shorten the time to process the backlog of cases.
Remember, the Church should help the needy, not to judge them. So, each and every one of us has the duty to help our brothers and sisters who suffer from marital difficulties. We should not discriminate them, distance them.
God bless.
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