主題：以溫柔聖潔度婚姻生活
所有的文明，都建立了婚姻制度，用來保障男女雙方能在一個有支援的環境中，建立家庭，生兒育女，享受夫妻生活。中國人說甚麼「夫唱婦隨」、「鸞鳳和鳴」、「琴瑟和諧」、「相敬如賓」、「舉案齊眉」等，表達了中國人心目中，夫婦和諧地相處的境況。不過，在現實生活中，中國人是一個很務實的民族，於是有一句「兄弟如手兄，夫妻如衣服」的俗語，給貪新忘舊的男人一個任性的藉口。不幸「任性」成了破壞美滿婚姻的毒藥。
基督徒很嚴肅地看待婚姻，把婚姻生活看作「聖洗聖事」的完滿，是一所「成聖的訓練場」。透過聖洗聖事，我們脫去舊我，蒙召成聖，成為一個新造的人；再透過婚姻生活中各種甜酸苦辣鹹的經歷和磨煉，使我們更肖似天主聖三，使我們得以成聖。婚姻生活不是王子與公主結婚的童話故事，家庭亦不是「從此快快樂樂地生活下去」的埸所。婚姻生活、家庭生活既享有很多權利，同時亦要分擔義務。這些權利和義務，是以愛來凝聚的，而愛並不是抽象的。
教宗方濟各在去年頒佈的【愛的喜樂】宗徒勸諭中，非常具體和實際的地說：「在家庭裡，有三句話是不可少的。讓我在此重提一次：『請』、『謝謝』、『對不起』。這三句話非常重要！…在家庭裡，我們不應表現霸道，而應問：『可以嗎？』；在家庭裡，不應表現自私，而應學習：『謝謝。』；在家庭裡，當察覺自己做錯事，應懂得說：『對不起。』那麼家庭必享有平安喜樂。」（AL #133）
「真福八端」有如十誡，指導基督徒如何在生活中成聖。「十誡」是一般人、所有人所應遵守的，但「真福八端」是基督徒的生活態度，基督徒之所以是基督徒，就是生活出這些特徵。所以，按「真福八端」的精神度婚姻生活，家庭生活，就是藉家庭生活成聖的步驟。過去兩個星期，我重覆提到「真福八端」中的「溫良」和「憐憫」是獲得喜樂平安的家庭生活，必須具備的態度，而「哀慟」就是面對困難和危機時的應有態度。今天的福音，繼續發揚「真福八端」的精神。讓我們默想這些教訓如何應用到家庭生活中。
「真福八端」教導我們應該「溫良」。甚麼是「溫良」呢？教宗在【愛的喜樂】中指出，溫良是出於對別人的尊重。為甚麼要尊重家人呢？難道做父親的，要尊敬自己的子女嗎？這樣，中國人的「三綱五常」，那些倫理道德的基礎豈不蕩然無存了嗎？但信天主的人，相信所有的人都是天主按自己的肖像所造的，所以夫婦不能佔有對方（AL#320），祗可以妥善地愛護對方，令她沒有皺紋、使她聖潔而沒有污點。（弗5：27）；子女亦不是父母的財產，他們有自己的人生（AL#18）做父母的應幫助他們成長和學習處理困難，而不是強迫他們達成自己的願望。無論做夫妻抑或是父母，總要尊重對方的人格和自由，不可強加自己的意願到對方身上。尊重對方就會戰戰兢兢地接近他們，惟恐傷害到對方，剝奪了對方的自由（AL#127）。這樣相處就不會任性、不會隨意發怒、不會惡言相向、繼而使用暴力…。
今天，耶穌提昇了「不可殺人」的誡命到不可發怒的層次，因為殺人的根源來自憤怒。人為甚麼在家中發怒呢？因為在外面受了氣，而家中的成員又不跟隨我的旨意。為甚麼希望別人跟隨我的旨意呢？因為人自私，渴望擁有和控制。這樣就違反了「溫良」的精神了。所以，當我們能以「尊重」取代忿怒，以「溫良」取代暴力。這樣，我們就做到了「溫良」的真福。
「真福八端」所說的「心裡潔淨」原本指「一心一意」欽崇一天主在萬有之上。但人缺乏安全感，要買保險，留有後路，拜天主之餘也拜財神。不能「一心一意」，就不能「心裡潔淨」了。由這個專一的意思，引申到夫妻關係，就是婚姻的排他性，從一而終，不容許第三者的出現。而「心裡潔淨」就從信仰上引申到性倫理之上了。今天，耶穌提昇了「不可姦淫」的誡命到不可放縱自己的慾望，不可見異思遷而離婚的層面上去。【愛的喜樂】一再強調「預防勝於治癒」，所以教宗要求為人父母的，除了自己不任性，不貪慕美色，見異思遷之外，更要幫助子女接受正確的性教育，使他們加深自我認識，發展自控能力，培養喜樂和相愛的重要習性，從而導引他們的性衝動（AL#280）。
因為時間所限，今天祗能和大家分享婚姻生活的一鱗半爪。請記住，婚姻是一件聖事，天主藉這聖事祝福夫婦，賜給他們聖寵，幫助他們善度婚姻生活。沒有這些祝福和恩寵，婚姻生活就好像建築在沙土上房屋（AL#8）。一切取決於人的自由選擇。就讓我們本著「真福八端」的態度生活，白頭到老，永結同心，在婚姻生活中成聖。
天主保祐！
Sixth Ordinary Sunday (Year A)
Theme: Lead the married life in tenderness and holiness
The social institution of marriage exists in all civilizations to protect men and women so that they may build a family, raise their children and enjoy their married life in a supportive environment. Many Chinese idioms express the harmonious state between husbands and wives. For example, "Husbands sing, their wives follow", "Phoenix couple hark harmoniously", "Qin and zither pluck harmoniously", "Couple respect each other like guests" and "Raise the bowl to the level of the brows" etc. However, in real life situations, Chinese men are a pragmatic people. They have an idiom "Brothers are like limbs while couples like clothes" which gives men an excuse to be capricious. Unfortunately, capriciousness is a poison to a happy family life.
Christians take marriage seriously. They see marriage as the fulfilment of the Sacrament of Baptism, a training ground for sanctification. Through Baptism, we take off our old selves, are called to sainthood and become a new creation. Then through the various sweet, sour, bitter, chilly and salty experiences and trials in the marriage life, we become more like the Blessed Trinity. We are sanctified. The married life is not a fairy tale of the marriage between a prince and a princess. Nor is the family a place where they live happily thereafter. There are many privileges in the married, family life. It carries many obligations at the same time. These privileges and obligations are glued together with love and love is not abstract.
In "Amoris Lætitia" the Apostolic Exhortation which he issued last year, Pope Francis makes it concrete and says, "In the family, three words need to be used. I want to repeat this! Three words: 'Please', 'Thank you', 'Sorry'. Three essential words! In our families when we are not overbearing and ask: 'May I?'; in our families when we are not selfish and can say: 'Thank you!'; and in our families when someone realizes that he or she did something wrong and is able to say 'Sorry!', our family experiences peace and joy." (AL #133)
Like the Ten Commandments, the Beatitudes guide Christians to lead a life to sanctification. The Ten Commandments are meant for all men whereas the Beatitudes are the proper attitudes of Christians. Christians are Christians because they live out these characteristics. Thus, leading the married life in the spirit of the Beatitudes in the family is the staircase to sanctification. In the past two weeks, I said again and again that "meekness" and "mercy" of the Beatitudes are essential attitudes to achieve a joyful and peaceful family life whereas "mournfulness" helps us face difficulties and challenges in life. Today, the gospel passage continues to develop the spirit of the Beatitudes. Let us meditate how these teachings apply to our daily life.
The Beatitudes demand us to be meek. What is meekness? In Amoris Lætitia, Pope Francis points out that tenderness come from the respect we pay others. Why should we respect our family members? How can a father respect his children? Then the foundation of Chinese morality, the "Three Mainstays and Five Constant Virtues" will be shaken. For those who believe in God, we believe that men were created in God's image. Thus, "each spouse realizes that the other is not his or her own." (AL#320). They can only love their spouses carefully, make them "without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." (Ephesians 5:27) Similarly, "children are not the property of a family, but have their own lives to lead." (AL#18) Parents should help them grow and learn how to handle difficulties instead of imposing their own ambitions on them. Whether being spouses or parents, they should respect the personality and freedom of the others and should not shove their own will down the others' throat. With respect, we "approach a person with … a certain dread of causing them harm or taking away their freedom." (AL#127) In this way, we will not be capricious, will not be angry whimsically, will not bark at each other and resort to violence …
Today, Jesus elevates the "Thou shall not kill" Commandment to the level of anger control because anger is the root of murder. Why do we vent our anger on our family members? It is all because we were scolded in our work and our family members do not obey our will. Why do we want others to follow our will? It is because men are selfish. They desire to possess and to control. This goes against the spirit of meekness. Thus, when we replace anger with respect, violence with tenderness, we achieve the Beatitude of Meekness.
"Purity of heart" means worshipping God with one heart one mind. But men lack a sense of security. They buy insurance and prepare contingency plans. They worship both God and Mammon. If we cannot devote ourselves completely to God, our hearts are not pure. Applying this idea to spousal relationship, it becomes the exclusivity of marriage. Till death we part and have no room for the third party. "Purity of heart" has migrated from religion to morality. Today, Jesus elevates the "Thou shall not commit adultery" to lust control, forbidding divorce for the sake of novelty. Amoris Lætitia emphasizes "prevention is better than cure". Therefore, the Pope told parents, besides not being capricious, lustful and desirous of novelty, they should give children proper sex education so that "The sexual urge can be directed through a process of growth in self-knowledge and self-control capable of nurturing valuable capacities for joy and for loving encounter." (AL#280)
Due to the shortage of time, I can only share with you bits and pieces about married life. Remember, marriage is a sacrament with which God blesses husbands and wives, gives them grace and help them lead a good married life. Without these blessings and grace, married life is like a house built on sand (AL#8). Everything is decided by our free choice. Let us live out the spirit of the Beatitudes. May the hair of husbands and wives greys together and their hearts lock in one and be sanctified in their married life.
God bless!
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