How to Hate Parents & Keep the 10 Commandments 如何憎恨父母而遵守十誡？

Twenty Third Ordinary Sunday, Year C
Theme: How to Hate Parents & Keep the 10 Commandments 如何憎恨父母而遵守十誡？

My parents passed away a few years ago. Like many grown-up children, a sense of regret for not doing enough while parents were still alive always lingers on. I’m not fluent enough to narrate such feelings to relieve my regrets. It is in this mood that I meditate on the theme above.

Among different schools in ancient Chinese philosophies, Confucianism was very fluent in articulating filial piety. By extension, it advocated loyalty to rulers and patriotism. Thus, emperors in ancient China bought the idea and promoted filial piety across the empire. For example, in Han Dynasty, i.e. before the institution of selecting government officials through public examination system, the state appointed people renowned for their filial piety to fill up government posts. In Chinese mentality, filial piety is taken for granted and is not to be challenged. So, when Christian missionaries talked about the Ten Commandments, the Chinese did not find it too foreign to accept. Instead, they would find biblical morality too simplistic and not elaborate enough. On the other hand, missionaries would try to avoid talking about the institution of marriage (Genesis 2:24; Mark 10:6-9) and Jesus’ teaching of total renunciation demanded of disciples (Luke 14:26-33). Of course, if we believe in Jesus Christ, we can’t be selective in what we want to believe. At the moment, we might not be able to harmonize those seemingly contradictory teachings. Even if we might never be, we should not give up trying.

In both the Old Testament and the New, we are able to find scores of texts telling us to honour and to obey our parents: Exodus 20:12, Leviticus 20:9, Proverbs 30:17, Sirach 3:14-18, Luke 18:20, Romans 1:28-32, Colossians 3:20 and 1 Timothy 5:1-2 etc. to name just a few. The Torah has laid down the rules. The Lord promises to reward obedient children with longevity, “Honour your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12). Those who curse their parents would be banished to hell, “Anyone who curses father or mother shall be put to death” (Leviticus 20:9). Then, how could Jesus require his disciples to hate their parents, “If any one comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26)? Jesus claims that He did not come to abolish the laws but to fulfil them (Matthew 5:17). Then how do Jesus’ disciples hate their parents and at the same time keep the Ten Commandments?

As a Chinese Catholic, I sense that there might be a way out in Confucian teachings on filial piety which have developed into a comprehensive system. It encompasses beyond merely the material level such as supporting the livelihood of aging parents. Showing them care and respecting them cater for their psychological needs as well. Beyond security and love, filial piety also includes maintaining the esteem and fame of parents. Therefore, a person should avoid doing things that scandalize or bring shame & dishonour to parents etc. In short, one must be a virtuous person for the honour of parents! Allow me to quote Zengzi 曾子, a disciple of Confucius renowned for his filial piety, “The body is that which has been transmitted to us by our parents, dare any one allow himself to be irreverent in the employment of their legacy?「身也者，父母之遺體也。行父母之遺體，敢不敬乎」?” (The Book of Rites, Meaning of Offerings禮記．祭義) The Book of Rites is a collection of essays written in 476-221 B.C. Doesn’t it sound like the Theology of Body by St. Pope John Paul II in the 20th century? Zengzi continues to list five manners which go against filial piety: not grave in his privacy, not loyal to his rulers, not reverent in office, not sincere to friends, not brave in battles 「居處不莊，非孝也；事君不忠，非孝也；蒞官不敬，非孝也；朋友不信，非孝也；戰陣無勇，非孝也。」He explains that those manners would bring parents disasters. How dare we not to be reverent 「五者不遂，災及於親，敢不敬乎」?

On the negative side, if parents are doing wrong, children should politely dissuade them so that parents wouldn’t become unrighteous. To quote Confucius, “… And the father who had a son that would remonstrate with him would not sink into the gulf of unrighteous deeds. Therefore when a case of unrighteous conduct is concerned, a son must by no means keep from remonstrating with his father … how can obedience to the orders of a father be accounted filial piety「父有爭子，則身不陷於不義，故當不義則爭之…從父之命，又焉得為孝乎」” (Classic of Filial Piety孝經).

So, contrary to the assumptions of most of the missionaries, there exists an entry point which enables us to harmony Jesus’ teaching on total renunciation with filial piety. The key to untie the knot is righteousness. But bear in mind that in Confucianism, righteousness is not something impersonal and impartial. Familial relationships are taken into consideration. For example, “The Duke of She informed Confucius, saying, ‘Among us here are those who may be styled upright in their conduct: if their fathers have stolen a sheep, they will bear witness to the fact.’ Confucius said, ‘Among us in our part of the country, those who are upright are different from this. The father conceals the misconduct of the son, and the son conceals the misconduct of the father. Uprightness is to be found in this「葉公語孔子曰：『吾黨有直躬者，其父攘羊，而子證之。』孔子曰：『吾之直者異於是。父為子隱，子為父隱，直在其中矣』」” (Analects, Zi Lu論語．子路)

Familial relationships are the fabrics of a society. Confucius gave them heavier weight during moral deliberations. But nothing surpasses loyalty to the emperor. There were several often quoted historical incidents in which for the well-being of the state or the integrity of the clan「上為國計，下全宗族」, brothers killed their siblings and a father did not spare his son. These incidents are: viz. Duke Dan executed his brother Guanshu in the Rebellion of the Three Guards 「三監之亂，周公誅殺管叔」; Zhou Yu州吁 of Wei衛 usurped the throne. Shi Hou 石厚befriended Zhou Yu. Shi Jing 石碏the father Shi Hou was a loyal official. He sought the help of Chen 陳state to kill Zhou Yu and did not spare Shi Hou, his son 「石碏戮子」；Duke Huan of Lu 魯桓公had four sons. The eldest son of the first wife succeeded and became Duke Zhuang魯莊公, while the other three brothers, Meng Qingfu 孟慶父(the eldest son of the second wife), Ji You 季友(the second son of the first wife) and Shu Ya叔牙 (the second son of the second wife) became chief officers of Lu. Before Duke Zhuang died, he intended the son of his second wife to succeed. Shu Ya suggested Meng Qingfu instead. Ji You poisoned Shu Ya in Duke Zhuang’ name and after some more incidents, Meng Qingfu hanged himself「季友鴆兄…慶父自縊」. Historians interpreted the intention of Ji You as trying to prevent the children of the second wife from usurping the throne. Thus I suppose in the Chinese mentality, for the sake of higher causes such as loyalty to rulers and patriotism, it is acceptable for Chinese to put aside familial relationships between husband and wife, parents and children and among siblings.

Brethren! The contradiction is a very thorny one. I don’t think I have satisfactorily settled it once and for all. Though Jesus likes to impress His audience with hyperboles, (for example the miraculous seeds in the Sower Parable which yield a hundredfold) we are unable to dismiss this one as one such hyperbole. Time is the issue. Jesus is the embodiment of the Word of God (John 1:1) and He claims to be the Truth (14:6). He does not qualify His teachings in terms of time because God is eternal and timeless! But while we are living on earth, we act within the time dimension. Therefore, contradiction arises when we have to love and hate our family members at the same time! Perhaps, we should seek help from the Wisdom Literature. “There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under heavens … A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 8)

Therefore, I would boldly speculate that the norm of Christian actions is charity. Thus Jesus expects us to obey the Ten Commandments as well as His new commandment (John 13:34). Most of the time we and our parents, siblings, spouses and children etc. should be loving each other as He has loved us. But when it comes to higher causes, viz. to establish the Kingdom of Heaven on earth, we need to set the priority right. Perhaps it is here that Confucianism will be able to lend us a helping hand in deciding what the right thing to do is. At the end of the day, a Catholic has to ask himself how seriously he accepts Jesus Christ as his King (Matthew 25:31-32), how obedient he is to His commission to evangelize the world (28:19-20) and how deep his love is for the salvation of his parents, siblings, spouses and children.
May the Holy Spirit help us discern and strengthen us. Amen!
God bless!
2019 Reflection
Picture Credit: https://www.zhdate.com/tw/news_history/445470.html
English translations of Chinese classics are taken from Chinese Text Project @ https://ctext.org