Feast of Vietnamese Martyrs

When the boss summoned me to his office to tell me the SMC decisions, I was troubled by my own peacefulness. There was no anger, nor disappointment. The decisions came out as expected. There was no exchanges of sharp words. The conversation lasted for less than 10 minutes and I left the boss' office. I was troubled because I worried that I had been too successful in suppressing my true feelings.

Of course I know that I am guilty of not following the proper procedure to ask for permission before I used English to teach E&RE. Of course I know that my boss would not adequately represent my views in the SMC. He said that there were too many documents on the table for the managers to handle. Of course I know that managers are unable to understand the situation because they do not enter the classrooms. They do not know me, nor my students. (With the exception of the PTA manager, whose child I am teaching.) But such a trivial matter should never have been brought up in the SMC in the first place. Next time, if a teacher teaches, say Physics, in Chinese, would my boss bring up the matter to the SMC?  I doubt it very much. Then, why should I receive such a special treatment?

What are my true feelings?
I feel sorry for my boss. His chair is too big for him.
I feel sorry for my students. They will be deprived of a chance to stretch their potentials to greater heights.
I feel grateful to Adrian. He has been very supportive and borne most of the brunt of the boss' fury for me.
I myself feel unfulfilled. But I should not be selfish and pay attention to the wider range of learning abilities of my students. Though the NSS Form 5 looks equivalent to the Form Six of the old system, they are not quite the same. While the Form Six students are the cream, the selected few and the elites, the Form 5 students have not gone through the first round of selction. Some of them are weaker and may have difficulty in learn their lessons in English. If I do not adjust my teaching strategies, I am being irresponsible.
When the worst comes to the worst, I have to give up teaching E&RE in Chinese next year. It is unfair to demand an English teacher to teach a subject in Chinese. But I am unable to handle 3 classes of English. It is impossible for me to mark all their exercise books. Shall I quit?

Of course I know that I am not a martyr. I still have a family to feed.
Of course I know that life is not a smooth sail. A project is rarely accomplished without first overcoming obstacles. People say when God closes a door in my face, He will open another window for me.
Great and wonderful are thy deeds, O Lord God the Almighty! Just and true are thy ways, O King of the ages! (Revelation 15:3)

Dear Lord, I think I know how you felt when people rejected Your good will. You are my true hope. Show me the path and guide my steps on it. Amen.