Family is where it hurts most

Leo Tolstoy's book Anna Karenina begins as follow:
"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
Tolstoy's theme sentence captures the spirit of a similar Chinese idiom "Every family has a difficult prayer to say 家家有本難念的經". Perhaps like the Oedipus myth, family is an existential crisis everybody has to go through.
As Homo Sapiens evolved and wealth accumulated, the institution of family was set up to serve several essential socio-political functions. As long as man is mortal, begetting and raising offspring is the solution to the preservation of the gene pool. In order to pass on the hard gain wealth of material and knowledge, marriage is set up to legitimize inheritance. Thus, family provides a relatively permanent environment to raise up children. Families are the building blocks of a society. With harmonious families, the stability of the larger social community is ensured. Thus, families have to be protected from assaults resulted from social changes. Today, the Church celebrates the Feast of the Holy Family. From the Holy Family, we learn the core values of family.

The Holy Family suffers all sorts of assaults like any other families. To begin with, the setting up of a family between the BVM and St. Joseph did not go smoothly. The first challenge came from the unwed motherhood of the BVM. Divine intervention had to be incurred in order to cement the marriage. With the birth of Jesus, the Holy Family came into existence. Immediately, political persecution forced the Holy Family to flee to an alien country, Egypt, where their patriarchs had once stayed to flourish only to be enslaved. Once divine intervention delivered the Chosen People so that they could settle in the Promised Land. Again, divine intervention ensured the safety of the Holy Family. From Egypt, the Holy Family returned and settled in the outskirt of this piece of Roman colony, Galilee where Jesus spent his childhood.
Every year, the saintly couple went to Jerusalem at the Feast of Passover (Luke 2:41). From his parents, child Jesus had been brought up in a pious family. According to custom, when Jesus came of age at 12, his parents brought him up to Jerusalem to spend the Feast of Passover together. Perhaps it was a kind of passage rite. Jesus was recognized as a grown-up Jew at 12. For the first time in his life, Jesus was brought into the Temple, the house of Yahweh, his heavenly Father. Here, Jesus began to be conscious of his destiny and true identity, the son not just of the BVM, but of his heavenly Father.

The story goes that Jesus stayed behind without his parents' knowledge to deepen his consciousness of his filial relationship with Yahweh. This resulted in inflicting pains on his parents who searched for him desperately for three days.
"Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been looking for you anxiously." (Luke 2:48b)
Children have to grow up and gain independence. If they are suffocated by parental care, they will never mature. Letting go of children is painful for parents because their bond is very intimate and strong. Parents are supposed to be mature and strong enough to let go. We parents cannot expect our children to understand our feelings well enough. It is part of parenthood to suffer for the good of our children. It is also a part of our growing up and growing up is very often painful. Family is where it hurts most.

Nowadays, we witness many incidents of domestic violence, obsessive gambling, substance abuses, internet addiction, divorce and what not. Furthermore, long working and studies hours are eroding our family life but material abundance cannot replace quality family time. Family members are the most intimate among all relations. The wounds sustained hurt the most. We came from families and lead most of our lives in families. This is the existential crisis we all have to go through. We all fall but we must stand up again stronger so that we can withstand the next fall. But where lies the strength to stand up tall again? I believe that love and forgiveness are the answer. We cannot afford to allow our families to break up. Family has to be defended at all costs, for the young and the aged as well. Where do love and forgiveness come from? We must go back to the source of our existence in order to overcome this existential crisis, God who is faithful and is always there ready to intervene when we place our trust in Him.

Jesus had chosen the better portion to stay in his Father's house (Luke 2:49). He had brought his parents back to the Temple, to a deeper relation with the heavenly Father. Their pains were not yet over. Greater pains would follow: the demise of St. Joseph, witnessing the rejection of her son by his own people, his death and burial. In God's guidance, the Holy Family went through all familial sufferings for the redemption of humanity.

Dear Jesus, You know our wounds in the family. Transform them to be instruments of our redemption. Amen.