地點：屯門贖世主堂
時間：晚上八時三十分，苦路善功後
每個人的閱讀心得不同。本人雖然是一位執事，亦不能完全表達教會的立場。且看目前，正有四位樞機要求教宗澄清，【愛的喜樂】宗徒勸諭的一些有關離婚者領聖事的指示。所以，以下的分享，是不完全的，是不能取代你們自己的閱讀的。
社會上流行一種說法：「長痛不如短痛。」這是絕對錯的。「預防勝於治療」總是對的，這份文件是積極的。與其眼巴巴看著50%的婚姻以離婚收場，不如多做「預防」的牧靈工作。教宗說：「我們對於家庭最重要的牧靈任務是堅固他們的愛，幫助他們醫治創傷，並努力遏止我們這時代的悲劇蔓延。」（AL#246）又說：「今天，對挫敗的人的牧靈關懷固然重要，但更為重要的，是藉著牧靈工作穩固婚姻，從而預防婚姻受到破壞。」（AL#307）
不要被這份文件的名稱誤導你。教會文憲名命的習慣是把文件的拉丁文版本的第一二個字，作為文件的名稱。翻譯成中文後就不一定是第一二個字了。名為【愛的喜樂】令人誤以為愛是喜樂的。的確，愛能帶來喜樂，但愛也包含著很多的痛苦在其中。而且，愛到深處的時候，真是痛苦的。甚至可以說，「愛得不痛，未算真愛。」耶穌就是一個活生生的好例子了。名為【愛的喜樂】第二個令人誤會之處，令人以為這文件祗處理「愛」的喜樂部份，而忽略了「愛」的其他部份，包括「了解、尊重和委身」，這些行動都會帶來不便和痛苦的。
第四章「婚姻之愛」可稱為整份文件的核心部份。這一章共有76段，佔全書325段的23%，接近四份之一，其重要性可見一斑。是的，男女兩方經過婚姻的盟誓，長相厮守，建立家庭，生兒育女，對建設社會，至為重要。所以文件用了四份一的篇幅討論婚姻之愛。
這一章以默想聖保祿宗徒致格林多前書第十三章的「愛之歌」開始，繼而指出夫婦的愛如何幫助二人成長。有人說，「結婚是戀愛的墳墓。」天主教認為是大錯特錯。「結婚其實是戀愛步向成熟。」既然婚姻是一個成長的過程，所以是「一生一世、同甘共苦」的。如何「同甘」呢？
因為「愛」是喜樂的，因為「愛」很美（想不到珠寶商的廣告可以如此符合真理！）。在文件中，「美」出現過24次。教宗說：「美就是對方的『崇高價值』，那不是指身體或心理方面的吸引力，它使我們欣賞人的神聖，而不會感到非得要擁有對方〔sic不可〕。」（AL#127）如何使這份喜樂，這份美交流呢？是透過「交談dialogue」。而且，交流交談並不局限於言語的渠道，也包括情慾上的和情緒上的。很難想像一份教會的訓導，可以如此坦白地討論男女的情慾問題，可見我們這位教宗絕非一個「離地」的神學家，而是一個有非常豐富牧民經驗的慈父。
「苦」從何來呢？當其中一方過份自我中心，沒有理會對方的需要和感受時，當暴力出現的時候，當控制慾膨漲的時候，痛苦隨之而來了。最後，教宗無可避免地觸及獨身的問題，與及人口老化所引發的問題。醫療技術的進步，使兩夫婦一起生活不祗三四十年而是七十年八十年。當人老珠黃，激情不再的時候，倘若夫婦的愛尚未相應地成熟到「忠誠地守護在對方身旁，滿載柔情蜜意」的地步（AL#164），這樣的生活如何痛苦，可想而知！
教宗深明「家家有本難唸的經」的道理，他拒絕以理想化的標準，判斷婚姻中每天的愛的經驗。他說：「不應在兩個有限的人身上，加上巨大重擔，要他們完美重現基督與教會的結合，因為婚姻之為標記，包含『一個動態的過程，人逐步整合天主的恩賜而慢慢向前邁進。』」（AL#122）
如果聽起來難懂，不要怪責教宗，怪祗怪中文翻譯上的困難。教宗指出，天主教徒的婚姻是「基督愛教會」的標記。他在文件中不斷關顧到每個人的局限，每段婚姻的不完美之處。不過，教會對天主是滿懷希望的。賴天主的助祐，夫妻倆與天主合作，他們的婚姻會日漸完美成熟；他們的婚姻生活，會更彰顯基督對教會的愛。
探監的時候，我會聽到很多不幸的故事。很多懲教所服刑的所員，都是來自破碎的家庭，少年時自暴自棄，誤交損友，吸毒，販毒等等，有點兒千篇一律。不過，其中亦發現到天主奇妙的救恩。
教宗強調婚姻的本質，使夫妻二人成為終身的結合，正是因為：「婚姻必然是混雜歡樂與辛勞、張力與憩息、困苦與釋放、滿足與渴求、煩惱與愉悅」（AL#126）要安然渡過這種種風浪，惟有憑著愛。讓我們與教宗一起，默想聖保祿宗徒在格林多前書十三章所撰寫的「愛之歌」。
「愛是含忍的。」
「愛是慈祥的。」
「愛不嫉妒。」
「愛不自大。」
「不作無禮的事。」向對方做出無禮的事，是出於缺乏尊重。這是十分基本的人與人來往的規矩。教宗說：「越是親密和深摰的愛，越是要求我們尊重對方的自由，靜待對方敞開心扉。」（AL#99）與無禮缺乏尊重相反，我們要練習以溫柔可親的目光（a kind look），彼此相處。請大家以一個溫柔可親的目光，看看坐在你右邊的教友30秒。
因時間所限，請各位自己研讀有關「愛之歌」其餘的部份。【愛的喜樂#101-119】
話說一位所員，全家並沒有宗教信仰。父親是個紀律部隊人員，性情剛烈，可想而知。母親是個缺乏安全感的女人，竟然在丈夫當值的時候，不斷打電話給他。結果招來家庭暴力，最後離婚收場。當時這個所員年紀尚少，未能處理這些家庭壓力，結果走上自暴自棄之路，最後在獄中度過十三個月。所謂「長痛不如短痛」是騙人的，所謂的「短痛」之後，還有很多後遺症。起初，母親探望這位所員的時候，她很憤怒，覺得她今日如斯地步，全是母親一手造成。過了一段時間，想通了，明白不全是母親的錯。而且，拋下她母女倆的父親亦開始探望她。一次，父母不約而同，先後一起出現，三人一同談話的感覺很感動。一家修和了。讚美天主，連沒有信仰的家庭，在經過離異和牢獄的洗禮之後，得以啟發出彼此的關懷而達致修和，重建一個愛的團體。天主應受讚美，因為祂能把罪惡痛苦，轉化為美善。
我們缺乏耐性，我們衝動，是因為對方不符合我的期望，因為我以自我為中心，忘記了天主在對方身上有天主的計劃。做母親的覺得「他應該要讀醫科，月入數十萬；做平面設計是沒出息的…」；做父親覺得「我是家庭入息的支柱，一切由我話事！」其實，輕易使用暴力，無論是言語上或身體上，反而洩露出自己的無能。空手道高手的忍耐力，與他們的段數成正比。他們明白自己的殺傷力有多大。同樣，「天主的『含忍』流露於祂對罪人的慈悲，亦展現了祂真正的權能。」（AL#91）
原來不但收禮物會帶來快樂，施予也會帶來樂趣。愛不停在甜言蜜語，愛必須付諸實行。教宗說：「愛…使我們得以體驗施予的喜樂，以及慷慨的自我交付是何等高貴偉大，以至我們不問回報，而祗想付出與服事。」（AL#94）
別人有的東西，我不一定需要擁有，因為我不需要。所以，「人有我無」不一定會產生嫉妒。但倘若對方的擁有威脅到我們的時候，我們的負面反應就是嫉妒。教宗說：「真的愛驅使我們欣賞別人的成就，而不會視之為威脅。愛使我們擺脫嫉妒之苦，而體會到每一個人都獲不同的恩賜，踏上不同的人生旅程。」（AL＃95）
為甚麼我們需要吸引眾人的注意力呢？需要別人來肯定自己的價值呢？我在別人面前炫耀我的聖經知識，我的虔誠，我更聰明，我更有見地，有人脈…我比其他人更重要、更偉大！教宗說：「然而，真正使我們偉大的是愛，我們因此關顧和扶助弱勢的人。」（AL#97）
Homily on Amoris Lætitia Chapter 4
March 17, 2017
Holy Redeemer Church
After Stations of the Cross
Each of us reads and understands differently. Therefore, though I am a permanent deacon, my interpretation may not represent the official teachings of the Church. Look, at the moment, even four Cardinals are demanding the Pope to clarify his instructions on administering sacraments to divorced Catholics. Therefore, the following sharing cannot replace your own reading of Amoris Lætitia.
It is a cliché to say that "It is better to suffer short and acute pains than chronic ones". This is absolutely wrong. "Prevention is better than cure" is always true and this document is very proactive. Seeing more than 50% of marriages end up in divorce, would it not be better to do preventive pastoral works? The Pope says, "Our most important pastoral task with regard to families is to strengthen their love, helping to heal wounds and working to prevent the spread of this drama of our times." (AL#246) Further on, he continues to say, "Today, more important than the pastoral care of failures is the pastoral effort to strengthen marriages and thus to prevent their breakdown." (AL#307)
Don't be misled by the title of this document. The Church makes use of the beginning two words of the Latin version to be its title. After translation into Chinese, it is not necessarily the first two words. The title "The Joy of Love" may make people think that love is joyful. Indeed, love brings joy but there are also a lot of pains in love. Furthermore, when our love is deep, it can be painful. We can even say, "If love doesn't hurt, it is not true love." Jesus is the best model. The title can mislead in a second way. It makes people think that the document only talks about the joyful parts of love and ignores other elements such as understanding, respect and commitment. These actions will bring inconvenience and pains as well.
Chapter 4 of Amoris Lætitia is the core of the whole document. There are 76 paragraphs, about 23% of the total of 325 paragraphs. Its importance is shown by its length of nearly a quarter of the whole document. Indeed, a man and a woman make a marital vow, promising to stay together for life to build a family and raise children. This is important for the society. Thus, the document spends a quarter of its length to discuss marital love.
This chapter begins with a meditation of the "Ode of Love" in chapter 13 of St. Paul's First Epistle to the Corinthians. Then it points out that marital love helps the couple to grow. Some people say, "Marriage is the grave of dating". Again, the Church deems it totally wrong. "Marriage is dating goes mature" Since marriage is a process of growth, it is lifelong, it is sharing joys and pains together. How do you share joy together in marriage?
It is because love is joyful. It is because love is beautiful (This sounds like a jewellery commercial!) "Beauty" appears 24 times in the document. The Pope says, "Beauty --- that ‘great worth' which is other than physical or psychological appeal --- enables us to appreciate the sacredness of a person, without feeling the need to possess it." (AL#127) How does this joy, this beauty interflow? It is through dialogue. Furthermore, this interaction, this dialogue is not confined to verbal channels. It also includes the erotic and emotional dimensions. It is difficult to imagine how a Church document can touch upon these erotic issues. We can see that our Pope is not a high-sounding theologian but a compassionate father with a lot of pastoral experiences.
Where do pains come from? When one party becomes very ego-centric, ignoring the feelings and needs of the other party. When violence appears and the desire to control inflates, pains will follow. In the end, the Pope touches on the question of celibacy and the problems of ageing. With the advances in medical sciences, a couple will not spend only thirty to forty years together but seventy to eighty. When the body ages and can no longer fire up passions, life would be unimaginably painful if the love between husband and wife has not matured to the stage of being in "faithful and loving closeness." (AL#164)
The Pope knows well "every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way". He refuses to impose an ideal standard on the daily experiences of love in marriage. "There is no need to lay upon two limited persons the tremendous burden of having to reproduce perfectly the union existing between Christ and his Church, for marriage as a sign entails ‘a dynamic process…, one which advances gradually with the progressive integration of the gifts of God'". (AL#122)
If it sounds difficult to understand, don't blame the Pope. Blame the translation. The Pope points out that for Catholics, marriage is a sign of "Christ loving the Church". In the document, he continuously shows his concerns for the limitations of the individuals, the imperfections of marriages in real life. But the Church is full of hope. Relying on the grace of God, the couple cooperate with God. Their marriage will become perfect and mature daily. Their married life will be more able to manifest Christ's love for the Church.
When I visit the prisons, I usually hear many tragic stories. Many inmates came from broken families. They are resentful, make bad friends, abuse drugs and engage in trafficking etc. All these sound pretty stereotyped. However, sometimes we may discover God's amazing redemption.
The Pope stresses that the essence of marriage in which the couple commit to each other for life comes from the fact that "Marriage is an inevitable mixture of enjoyment and struggles, tensions and repose, pain and relief, satisfactions and longings, annoyances and pleasures." (AL#126) Only love can help us safely weather through these ups and downs. Let us join the Pope in meditating the "Ode of Love".
"Love is patient"
"Love is at the service of the others"
"Love is not jealous"
"Love is not boastful"
"Love is not rude"
Due to a lack of time, please read Amoris Lætitia #101-119 to discover the rest of the Ode of Love.
An inmate came from a secular family. The father is a disciplinary civil servant, very hot tempered. The mother is an insecure woman. She even continuously called up her husband when he was on duty. This ended up in domestic violence and at last divorce. The inmate was too young to handle these family stresses and kicked off a train of regrettable incidents. At last, the inmate spent 13 months in jail. "It is better to suffer short and acute pains than chronic ones" cheats. Following the "short and acute pains" are many complications. At first, the inmate was angry with the mother when she visited. It was all her faults. After a while, the inmate began to see more clearly and understood that it was not all her faults. The father began to visit the inmate. Once, the father and mother came one after another and the three of them spoke and wept together. That visit was touching and the family was reconciled. Praise be to God. Even an unbelieving family is able to develop mutual concern, attain reconciliation and rebuild a loving community. God should be praised because He is able to transform evil and pains into joy.
We lack patience. We are impulsive because the other party does not meet our expectations, because we are self-centred and forget that God has His plan for this person. Being a mother, she feels that "he should study medicines to earn hundreds of thousands. Two-dimensional design is not lucrative…" As a father, he thinks that "I am the bread-winner of the family. I should call the shot!" In fact, easily resorting to violence, whether it be verbal or physical, only reveals our impotence. The patience of a Karate master is proportional to his dan rank. He understands how destructive his power can be. Similarly, "God's patience, shown in his mercy towards sinners, is a sign of his real power." (AL#91)
Not only is receiving happy but giving brings happiness too. The Pope says, "Love is shown more by deeds than by words. It ... allows us to experience the happiness of giving, the nobility and grandeur of spending ourselves unstintingly, without asking to be repaid, purely for the pleasure of giving and serving." (AL#94)
Things others have, I may not need to possess because I don't need to. Thus, "have vs. have not" does not necessarily engender jealousy. But when what others possess poses a threat to us, our negative reaction will be jealousy. The Pope says, "True love values the other person's achievements. It does not see him or her as a threat. It frees us from the sour taste of envy. It recognizes that everyone has different gifts and a unique path in life." (AL#95)
Why do we need to become the centre of everybody's attention? Do I need other people to affirm my own value? I show off my biblical knowledge, my piety, my being smarter, more insightful and great connections etc. In short, I am more important and greater than the others! The Pope says, "Yet what really makes us important is a love that understands, shows concern, and embraces the weak." (AL#97)
We are rude out of a lack of respect. But respect is the most basic rule of human interaction. The Pope says, "The deeper love is, the more it calls for respect for the other's freedom and the ability to wait until the other opens the door to his or her heart." (AL#99) We need to practise the opposite of rudeness and lack of respect by gazing others with a kind look. Let us now turn and gaze at the one on your right with a kind look for thirty seconds.
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