Trying to Understand Young People 了解青年人

Feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary & Joseph, Year C
Theme: Trying to Understand Young People

On December 4, the Most Reverend Bishop Stephen Chow, SJ made it clear in his address after his consecration as the bishop of the Catholic diocese of Hong Kong that “A church without young people has no future”. By extrapolation, a society that gives up young people also has no future. Therefore, every organization and each community must treasure the young who hold the future! But as all parents know very well, it is never an easy task to raise the young.

For nearly a decade, a child had been obedient. Within this period of time, the parents were making all the decisions for the child and were emotionally dominant over it in different degrees. Some are more domineering even to the extent of being manipulative while some are distant and aloft. Unaware of the changes and developments going on in the body and mind of the child, parents are shocked and are caught unprepared to confront a rebellious adolescent who now dares to stand up against them! This is vividly narrated in the gospel story today. Joseph and Mary had known this boy Jesus through and through for the last 12 years. Suddenly, “they did not understand what he said to them.” (Luke 2:50) I’m sure many parents feel the same.

During its development, a child must go through this rebellious stage in order to shake off an identity and image imposed on them from the outside in order to build up its own unique identity. The intention of parents and the society is definitely good for the child. After all, parents know more. But things are far too complicated because parents don’t have crystal balls to predict the future. Moreover, they might inadvertently impose their own unfulfilled ambitions on their child who, as a unique human being, is a mystery! Learn from the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son! The younger son was spoiled. He needed to come to his senses and returned to the father on his own (15:17). By the time he returned, the prodigal son had become a more mature son than the spoiled child who had earlier on left. Of course the maturity is not yet perfect. On the other hand, the elder son was obedient through and through. Yet, his “rebellion” had only been covered and not been properly dealt with. At last, the father was able to see more clearly the frustration of the elder son whose obedience did not mean that he totally agreed with the father (15:29-30)!

I’m pretty optimistic. I believe that the identity the child itself builds up may not be too different from what their parents want because deep inside its DNA are genes from both parents. The child will definitely be different but surely we will be able to find more similarities. Have we not heard of “Like father like son”? Nevertheless, this identity of the child’s is unique and it is achieved and is not acquired! The child shall cherish it more than one imposed from outside, parents and society. Even for an adolescent who never disobeys like the elder son, the issue remains unresolved. He would continue to struggle until he finally settles himself in an identity he’s satisfied with.
Why must the obedient child struggle? It is because his obedience may not be genuine. The obedience might come about from fear of punishment or from want of reward! It may not be motivated by material reward, but psychologically from a need of approval! Somehow the child may someday wake up to this strong urge to stand on its own. Most likely its peers, who are beyond the control of the child’s parents, pressurize it. Such a struggle is a certainty. Only after settling that struggle is its obedience genuine because this obedience comes from its own free will, not from the calculation of costs and benefits. Congratulations parents. You have given birth not just to the body of your child. You have awakened its soul! If the child fails to establish its own independent and critical thinking, someday it will end up being somebody else’s slave if not yours! This is the wisdom of the father of the Prodigal Son!

Whether you agree with the style of child rearing of the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son or not, parents are supposed to know more than the child. They can’t just demand blind obedience from the child. That is not what the “Honour thy father and thy mother”(Exodus 20:12) commandment means! God entrusts this child to parents. The commandment mandates that parents have the responsibility and knowledge to help the child develop a proper identity appropriate to it. Whether they believe in the rod, or they deploy “carrot and stick” strategy or they befriend the child, they have to bear in mind that at the end of the day, they don’t own the child. It belongs to the future when the time comes. It belongs to God. Their parenthood is actually a stewardship. It is their duty to build up the talents and faith of the child. On Judgment Day, the Master shall demand accountability. Have you buried the talent of the child the Master gave you (Matthew 25:18)? As parents, have you brought the child to its Father’s house (Luke 2:49)? The commandment also mandates that government officials have to provide an edifying environment for young people to develop their talents and identities. Have you, as government officials, stripped them of their opportunities and trampled on their dreams and hopes? Have you used them as scapegoats for your political gambits, accusing and arresting them for arson, rioting, terrorism and vandalism etc.? God will hold you accountable on Judgment Day.

Young brethren! Learn from boy Jesus. When Joseph and Mary found him in the Temple, boy Jesus was sitting in the midst of the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions (2:46). Obviously our schooling system has failed you. We only prepare you to sit for public examinations to make you marketable. We teach you how to listen and pick up clues to answer test items but have not taught you how to listen with empathy. You don’t know how to respond properly to different moods, tones and expectations in a conversation. Worse still, we only tell you to memorize model answers and have not taught you how to ask questions to clarify your understanding. Alas! Human communication is too complicated a syllabus for the present schooling system. Regrettably, you have to learn them in a harsh and costly way when you set foot in the society.

Heavenly Father! This city is Your house as well. I beg You to have mercy on us. Forgive us because we have made Your house a mess. Come! Help us, especially our young people, cleanse up this mess because our time is running short and our young people have to carry on. Amen.
2018 Reflection
Picture Credit: http://sander-gaiser.de/