主題：為甚麼要離開父母？
向中國人傳福音，邀請他們加入天主教，就必須克服重重來自中西文化差異的障礙。中國文化強調孝道，慎終追遠，飲水思源。本來，中國人的「孝道」與「十誡」「孝敬父母」的誡命不謀而合，在勸中國人信教的時候，相當合拍。可惜，當慕道者自己閱讀【創世紀】的時候，或者慕道班導師講述天主教婚姻倫理，有關耶穌基督禁止離婚的課題時，更或者參加主日彌撒，聽到耶穌基督引述【創世紀】的論述時，當他們聽到「人要離開他的父母，依附自己的妻子，二人成為一體…」（谷10:7-8；創2:24） 這是不能接受的，因為有違孝道，令婆媳不和，家無寧日等等。所以，我們有必要好好處理這個課題，幫助慕道者，甚至已領洗的教友，明白天主頒布這項「離開父母」命令的愛意。
首先，我們不得不承認，中國人是很現實的，他們比世上任何民族更勤力工作。但中國人卻有點自私，例如在與鄰里相處時，便「各家自掃門前雪」；對付入侵的外敵時，便一盤散沙，甚至互相出賣，盡顯現實和自私的民族性。有關「孝道」所強調的「飲水思源」，亦不過是掩飾「養兒防老，積穀防飢」的自私。請注意，這是農業社會，大宅門的思維，在後工業社會，小家庭制度的今天，並不適用。「養兒防老」或者適用於「人生七十古來稀」的時代，今天，六十五歲的長者又如何照顧九十歲的父母呢？目下政府的公共房屋政策，要求已婚子女遷出；地產發展商所興建的樓宅，根本容納不下兩代同堂。因此，在今天的香港，「離開父母」已經成了定局，已不再是一種選擇了！安老的責任，應落在政府身上。安貧小姊妹會的服務，根本是杯水車薪！
讓我們回來看看這段勸人「離開父母」的上文下理吧。
讓我們再看天主的原意，祂希望給人造一個相稱的助手（1:18）。請問「父母」是否「兒女」相稱的助手呢？絕對不是！父母是子女的第一位營養師，供給他們均衡的飲食，令他們身體健康，快高長大；父母是子女的第一位教師，講故事給他們聽，教他們說話，刺激他們的智力發展；父母是子女的第一位心理輔導師，聆聽他們的心事，開導他們的情緒；父母是子女的第一位法官，教導他們倫理道德，辨別善惡！最後，父母是子女的第一位主日學導師，教他們認識耶穌基督和他們的最終命運。所以，父母絕對不是子女的相稱助手。不是嗎？父母不是希望有兒女送終嗎？父母又怎能陪伴兒女終老呢？陪伴終老是他們配偶的責任，不是父母的責任。因此，能在幸福家庭中長大的兒女，有必要離開父母，到外面去開枝散葉，把父母的愛，延續下去。
話要說回來，很多夫妻在沒有成熟的預備之下，做了父母。結果，很多小朋友在成長的路上，遇上不少挫折。他們不但得不到應得的營養，有些甚至因父母的疏忽照顧，獨留家中而受到傷害；更有甚者，有些父母更把宣洩不了的情緒，帶回家裡，用暴力宣洩到沒有反抗能力的子女身上。試想想，這些兒童長大起來，是多麼渴望儘快脫離自己的家庭，尋求心目中的真愛，建立自己的溫暖家庭。就這樣，在沒有良好的榜樣，沒有溫暖的家庭中長大的青少年，他們有足夠成熟的心理質素，建立美好的家庭嗎？很多時候，悲劇又再次在新的家庭中出現，成為代代相傳的詛咒宿命。這些在不幸家庭中長大的青年人，可以怎樣做呢？繼續留在父母身邊，遭受虐待，坐以待斃嗎？還是離開父母，到外面尋覓一線生機呢？執事沒有任何肯定的答案，要視乎個別的情況而定。
所謂「家家有本難唸的經」，每個家庭要面對的困難不盡相同。無疑，香港的工作環境，剝削了家庭團聚的時間；香港的經濟環境，尤其是樓價，壓迫得很多家庭透不過氣。整個的文化氛圍，不斷鼓吹消費和個人主義，使很多夫妻的關係，遭受第三者的破壞；不正當的性愛關係，受到吹捧。凡此種種不利因素，對天主所祝福的婚姻及家庭制度，飽受沖擊破壞。
各位兄弟姊妹，讓我們為下一代著想，懷著謙卑的心，接受天主的教訓；夫妻以「貞潔」的精神，以愛相待；攜手同心，以溫良慈悲的態度，建立溫暖的家庭，養育天主所賞賜的兒女。即使舊的是失敗了，祇要有新的家庭，人類的未來還有希望。
按【創世紀】的記載，上主天主創造了亞當之後，覺得「人單獨不好，我要給他造個與他相稱的助手。」（創2:18）起初，天主帶領不同的動物到亞當面前，但沒有一種動物與亞當相稱。天主惟有麻醉了亞當，抽了他的一根肋骨，給亞當做了個女人。亞當見了這個出自自己身上女人，驚為天人，說了句十分肉麻的說話：「這纔真是我的骨中之骨，肉中之肉。」（2:23）各位已婚男士，你們有沒有對你們的太太說過這句話呢？倘若有，恭喜你，你真夠男人！
當時世上祇有一男一女，亞當和厄娃祇有夫妻的身份，尚未有父母的身份。但經文卻立即說：「為此，人應離開自己的父母，依附自己的妻子，二人成為一體。」（2:24）注意，「應離開」，是命令，而不是忠告！亞當厄娃沒有父母，這部份的命令並不適用於他們身上，但他們仍遵守「二人成為一體」的部份。所以「離開父母」的命令，是為以後的人類的。
那麼，「父母子女」的關係和「夫妻」的關係，那一個更重要呢？是先有「父母子女」的關係，後有「夫妻」的關係；抑或是先有「夫妻」的關係，後有「父母子女」的關係呢？表面上，兩種關係，互為因果，不分伯仲。但亞當厄娃的故事，判定了那一種關係更為重要。沒有「夫妻」的關係，又怎能生兒育女，成為父母呢？而「父母子女」的關係是不可能產生「夫妻」關係的，否則便是「亂倫」了！
天主保祐！
Twenty Seventh Ordinary Sunday, Year B
Theme: Why Shall We Leave Our Parents?
In order to evangelize the Chinese and invite them to join the Catholic Church, we have to overcome many obstacles of cultural differences. Chinese culture stresses filial piety, ancestral worship and remembrance of our origin. At first glance, the "Honour Your Parents" commandment resembles the Chinese filial piety. Thus it is a handy inroad to convert Chinese. Unfortunately, when the catechumens start reading Genesis, or the catechists start explaining Catholic ethics on marriage, about how Jesus Christ forbids divorce, or even when you attend Sunday mass, hearing Jesus Christ quote Genesis in his divorce discourse, "A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." (Mark 10:7-8, Genesis 2:24) This is unacceptable for Chinese. It goes against filial piety, stirs up clashes between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law and there is no peace at home anymore etc. Thus, we need to handle this topic in depth to help the catechumens and even baptized laity understand God's love behind this "leave parents" precept.
First of all, we have to admit that the Chinese are very pragmatic. They work harder than all other peoples on this planet. But the Chinese are a little bit selfish. For example, when they interact with their neighbour, they take the "mind your own business" approach. When they are invaded by foreign countries, they do not unite and even betray each other in order to survive. All these examples show how pragmatic and selfish the Chinese can be. Filial piety emphasizes "remembering your origin". It is but a cover-up of a selfishness blatantly enshrined in the aphorism: "To prepare for old age, raise children. To prepare for famine, hoard grains". This aphorism is applicable only to agricultural societies built upon extended families. Nowadays, in post-industrial societies which favour nuclear families, this aphorism no longer works. "Raise children to prepare for old age" was probably appropriate in generations where "It is rare to reach seventies". Today, are people over sixty five able to take care of their parents in their nineties? At the moment, the government public housing policy forces married children to move out while developers build flats which cannot accommodate two generations. Thus, nowadays in Hong Kong, "leaving parents" is not an option, but a necessity! The burden of taking care of senior citizens rests squarely on the shoulder of the government. The service of the Little Sisters of the Poor is only a drop in the ocean!
Let us look at the context of the "leaving parents" precept.
Let us look at God's intention. He wants to give man a helper suited to him (1:18). Are parents helpers suited to their children? Categorically no! Parents are the first nutritionists for their children. They provide children balanced diets to make them grow healthily. Parents are the first tutors for their children. They tell them stories, teach them speaking to stimulate their intellectual development. Parents are the first counsellors for the children. They listen attentively to their stories and channel their emotions. Parents are the first magistrates for their children. They teach them morality and right from wrong! Lastly, parents are the first catechists for their children. They help them know Jesus Christ and show them their final destiny. Thus, parents cannot be helpers suited for their children. Don't parents want their children to surround them at their deathbed? How can they age together with their children? It is the responsibility of spouses, not parents to age together. Thus, children grow up in such happy families should leave their parents and build up new families to spread out the love of their parents.
However, many couples become parents unprepared. Consequently, many small children meet many frustrations on the path of growth. Not only are they not fed properly, some are even injured due to negligence on the part of parents. Even worse, some parents bring home bottled emotion from works and dissipate it with violence on vulnerable children. Just think about it, how much do these children want to run away from home to look for "true love" and to build their happy families? As such, do youngsters raised in families without good exemplar and without warmth have sufficiently mature psychological qualities to build up happy families? In many cases, tragedies arise again in the new families, becoming a curse that passes on throughout generations. What can youngsters raised in unhappy families do? Should they continue to stay with their abusive parents to suffer? Or should they leave their parents and start a new life? I don't have any definite answers. All cases are different.
"Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." The challenges each family confronts are different. No doubt, the working environment of Hong Kong has taken away quality time from all families. The economy of Hong Kong, in particular the prices of flats are smothering the life of many families. The cultural milieu advocates consumerism and individualism, thus inflicting damages to many spousal relationships with extra-marital affairs. Many disordered sexual behaviours are popularized. All these adverse factors are battering the marriage and family institutions which God blesses.
Brethren, for the sake of our next generation, let us receive God's teaching with humility. Husbands and wives love each other in the spirit of chastity. Work hand in hand, with meekness and mercy to build up a loving family to raise the children given by God. Even if there have been failures, as long as there are new families, there is still hope for all humanity.
According to Genesis, after the Lord God had created Adam, He felt that "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suited to him." (Genesis 2:18) At first, God led different animals before Adam who couldn't find a suitable partner. Thus, God put Adam to sleep, pull out a rib to make for Adam a woman. When Adam saw this beautiful woman, he exclaimed, "This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." (2:23) All you married gentlemen, have you ever uttered this sentence to your wives? If you have, congratulations! You are truly man!
At that time, there were only one man and one woman on earth. Adam and Eve were husband and wife only. They were not yet parents. But the scripture reads immediately, "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body." (2:24) Notice that "A man leaves ..." is not an advice but a command! Adam and Eve did not have parents. This part of the command did not apply to them. But they still obeyed the part of "the two of them become one body". Thus, "A man leaves his parents" command applies only to the rest of humanity.
Then, which relation is more important, parental or spousal? Which one comes first, parental first then spousal, or spousal first then parental? Superficially, the two relations are very much entangled. But the story of Adam of Eve has decided which one is more important. Without spousal relation, how can people beget children and become parents? On the other hand, parental relation cannot generate spousal relation. Otherwise, it is incest!
God bless!
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