先慈生平點滴
解放前，外公在中山縣小欖鎮是做茶樓生意的，有「大班銓」的外號。先慈是長女，是外婆婚後多年所出，故此先慈是外公的「掌上明珠」。她們經歷過八年抗戰，見識過空襲時，跌落祖屋內天井未爆的炸彈。先慈性格獨立，為人心地善良。在那些艱難的歲月，她沒有問准外公，便慷慨地賙濟有困難的鄰居。那個時代，「女子無才便是德」，但先慈不甘愚昧，買課本自學。遇到不明白的時候，不怕厚著面皮問私塾的老師。這位李家大小姐，十多歲便在茶樓當掌櫃，管理十多名員工，亦有不少金錢過手。街上的小伙子，她不會放在眼內，沒禮貎的搭訕祇會被她噴得一鼻子灰。結果換來「惡婆葉」，一個頗有霸氣的外號。
後來獲分配到公共房屋，入住彩虹邨，生活開始改善了。先嚴為人工作認真，每天十二小時的工作，結果累出血壓超標。先慈痛心之餘，便把捨不得的二両重金鏈變賣，醫治先嚴。這種甘苦與共的恩情，我們也繼承了。
某年，先慈與姑婆和好了。我有幸在場，見證了先慈向姑婆奉茶的一幕。兩個女強人各自保持著自尊，恰如其分。姑婆晚年的起居，由先慈照顧，直到先慈力有不逮，纔入住安老院。這正好反映了生活在香港這個商業社會的定律：「姑婆屋」的習俗是行不通的；同理，年青的小家庭，不論是否有計劃養兒育女的家庭，曾為建設社會的繁榮而獻出努力，到了晚年，亦逃不了入住安老院的宿命！我有幸能夠陪同先嚴與先慈，渡過他們的晚年。他們好像開路先鋒，教導了我們不少天主的道理。能陪伴長者渡過晚年，真是一份福氣。
腦退化是一個頗為可怕的病症。年青時，你還可以運用理性，開解自己的偏見和壓抑著負面的情緒。可是腦退化發作的時候，你控制不了自己在想甚麼，記憶甚麼！試想想，你願意在自己的晚年，終日被負面的情緒困擾，坐立不安嗎？剛從茶樓回來不到半小時，便開始怪責你的兒女不孝，沒有陪你到茶樓飲早茶、不停數算著張三欺負過你多少次、李四欺騙了你多少錢…等等，你會快樂嗎？
先慈中風後，一直靠插胃喉餵食，不能動彈，不能說話。起初還有視覺與觸覺，後來漸漸地與我們斷絕了溝通，孤獨地走完長達二十個月的最後旅程，終於因肺炎逝世。我們不期然要問，既然天主是慈悲的，為甚麼要先慈受這麼長的時間、這麼不必要的痛苦呢？這問題在心中一直揮之不去，到了今天，我纔從第一篇讀經領會到天主的意思！很奇怪，這二十個月以來，我也曾主持過出殯，也曾聽過《智慧篇》，但祇有今天纔覺悟！原來天主對信靠祂，愛慕祂的人，例如《創世紀》中的亞巴郎、依撒格、雅各伯、古聖若瑟和《出谷紀》的梅瑟等等，總會加以考驗，給他們機會，證明自己配作天主的人：「天主試煉了他們，好像爐中的黃金；悅納了他們，有如悅納全燔祭。」（智3:6）天主藉試煉，肯定了李家大小姐在祂心中的地位！
感謝天主，讓我們有機會與先慈一起接受試煉。天主真的喜愛這位李家大小姐，她的確是一位女強人，承受得起長達二十個月的試煉。她可以自豪地對我們說：「這場好仗，我已打完；這場賽跑，我已跑到終點，這信仰，我已保持了。從今以後，正義的冠冕已為我預備下了。」（弟後4:7-8）在天主前，我們多了一位代禱者了。
天主保祐！
Memoir of Our Beloved Mother
Before Communist liberation, our maternal grandfather ran a tea house in Xiaolan town, Zhongshan county. “Taipen Quan” was his nickname. Mother was the firstborn many years after marriage. Taipen cherished her dearly. They went through Japanese invasion and knew what it’s like to find, in the courtyard of the house, an unexploded shell from air raids. Mum was independent and kind-hearted. In those difficult years, she generously gave alms to neighbours without seeking her father’s permission. At that time, women without literacy was a virtue. But Mum didn’t want to be ignorant. She purchased textbooks to study. When there’s anything she didn’t understand, she would cheekily asked teachers in the ancestral teaching hall. In her teens, this Lee’s Eldest Princess became the cashier of the tea house, with a workforce of around 20 under her. Much cash went through her hands. Young men tarrying on the streets didn’t bother her. Any indecent advances would only result in volleys of worse indecency from her. Consequently, she earned the nickname of “Shrew Yip”, a rather dignified one.After marrying Dad, she put down her dignity to work as a farm woman, feeding pigs, planting mulberry trees and breeding silkworms. Communist liberation forced my Dad to seek development in Hong Kong, leaving Mum behind to take care of my widowed grandma who endeared this Lee’s Eldest Princess very much. For three years, there wasn’t any conflict between these two in-laws. It showed that Mum was capable of handling interpersonal relationships well. She was quick to adapt and knew how to please the seniors. Mum was physically strong enough to shoulder two basketfuls of mulberry leaves and row a sampan to deliver goods along the river. After three years, she reunited with Dad in Hong Kong, leaving behind the spacious countryside and the warmth of kinship. They stayed under the roof of Dad’s aunt. I and my younger brother were subsequently born and inherited their DNA.
Dad’s aunt had been a Comb Sister since young, earning money in Hong Kong to support the ancestral family. When two iron ladies lived together, as an in-law, Mum was obviously in a disadvantaged position. Mum understood well the principle that “A strong person overcomes himself” and refused to become emotional. Although she underwent ill-treatments, she accepted them with dignity. Gradually Dad’s aunt was also able to put away her prejudice and saw Mum in a new light. The strength of Mum’s character is reflected in our names. Following the ancestral tradition, my brother and I belong to the “Chuen” generation. I should be called “Kwok Chi Chuen” and my brother “Kwok Siu Chuen”. Thanks Mum for naming us “Keung”, meaning strong. My brother and I have not disappointed her. We have led a life of firmness for more than six decades. Although Mum had never heard of the Beatitudes, the meekness she displayed in serving the seniors after marriage shows the strength of the third Beatitude.
Dad was a very loyal man, having served only two bosses in his whole life. Had Mum not been impolitely treated by the first boss’ wife, Dad would not have resigned and moved to New Reclamation Street, in Yaumati, Kowloon, living in a middle cubicle. Life was harsh. Dad worked as a shopkeeper in a philately shop, working long hours in return for morsels. Besides raising us, teaching us reading and writing, Mum earned a few extra bucks by gluing paper pockets for stamps. It’s amazing the peach gum we dissolved to make glue has become a health/cosmetic dessert nowadays! Radio broadcasting helped us go through those difficult years. We “overheard” Cantonese operas and radio dramas from neighbouring cubicles. The operas of Tang Ti-sheng were a source of spiritual support for Mum. Immersed in such an environment, my head was filled with Di Nü Hua, The Purple Hairpin and The Reincarnation of a Beauty etc. If Mum ever wanted to watch Cantonese opera or movies in theatre, Dad would never reject even when life was harsh.
Later, we were allotted public housing and moved into Choi Hung Estate. Life started to improve. Dad worked seriously hard twelve hours a day and consequently blood tension went high. Mum’ heart burnt and sold of her pet dowry, a two-teal gold necklace to foot the medical bill. We also inherit this spousal love that binds them through sweet and bitter times.
One year, Mum and Dad’s aunt reconciled. I was fortunate enough to witness the scene in which Mum offered a cup of tea to Dad’s aunt. Both iron ladies maintained their dignity in a graceful manner. Mum took care of Dad’s aunt in her final years until it went beyond her strength. Dad’s aunt entered a home for the aged. This proves to be a norm in the life in Hong Kong as a commercial society. The culture of Comb Sisters doesn’t work here. Similarly, young families, whether they have intention to raise children or not, which offer up their efforts to build up the prosperity of the society, would not dodge the fate of dying in a home for the aged! I’m blessed to live with my parents in their last years. They were like path-finders showing us the way ahead, teaching us a lot of God’s wisdom. Accompanying the elders in their final years is truly a blessing.
Alzheimer’s disease is a horrible disease. When you are young, you are still able to make use of your rationality to reduce your prejudice or to suppress negative feelings. However, when Alzheimer’s disease strikes, you can’t control what you think and what you remember! Think about it. Are you willing to be tortured in your latter years by negative feelings throughout the day? Half an hour after returning from tea-house, you blame your children for being disrespectful and not going to tea-house with you for breakfast, you keep counting how many times Mr. A has bullied you, how much money Mr. B has cheated you … etc. Will you be happy?
Thank God, Dad was admitted to A&E one Sunday. We could not leave Mum home alone. So, we brought her to Church, thus opening a new page in her life. Thanks to the hospitality of the parishioners, Mum felt comfortable and joyful. Thank God, she was baptized before the onset of Alzheimer’s. When it started, all Mum thought, asked and remembered were positive things. She didn’t give people around her much inconvenience. Staff in the home for the aged had never complained. They were happy to engage her in cheerful talks. What’s Mum’s secret? It had to be something to do with her positive personality: Although this Lee’s Eldest Princess was righteous without ambiguity, she forgot grudges. She did not care how deeply she had been unfairly treated. She had lived up the spirit of beatific mercy. This Lee’s Eldest Princess was generous in helping people. Money was nothing in her eyes. With a merciful heart, she helped people pass over their difficult times even those whom she knew were cheating her. She combined spiritual poverty with mercy in a marvellous manner!
Mum survived a stroke which left her tube-fed, paralyzed and unable to speak. At first, she still retained her sight and touch but subsequently, she was gradually and completely cut off from us. She scaled the last journey alone for twenty months before she died of pneumonia. Naturally we kept wondering how a merciful God would permit such a lengthy and unnecessary suffering to happen on her. I was unable to shake off this question until today when I found God’s answer in the first reading. It is a mystery that for the past twenty months, I have presided over funeral rites and have read this passage from the book of Wisdom several times and yet understood only today! For those who trust in and love God, such as Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph in Genesis and Moses in Exodus, God would try them, give them opportunities to prove them worthy of Himself, “As gold in furnace, He proves them, and as sacrificial offerings He took them to Himself” (Wisdom 3:6) Through this proof, God affirms this Lee’s Eldest Princess’ position in His heart!
I’m grateful to God for allowing us the opportunity to go through this testing together. God truly loves this Lee’s Eldest Princess. She’s truly an iron lady, capable of undergoing twenty months of trial. Now, she is able to proudly tell us, “I have compete well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith. From now on the crown of righteousness awaits me.” (2 Timothy 4:7-8) Before God, we have one more intercessor.
God bless!
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