Before Communist liberation, our maternal grandfather ran a tea house in Xiaolan town, Zhongshan county. “Taipen Quan” was his nickname. Mother was the firstborn many years after marriage. Taipen cherished her dearly. They went through Japanese invasion and knew what it’s like to find, in the courtyard of the house, an unexploded shell from air raids. Mum was independent and kind-hearted. In those difficult years, she generously gave alms to neighbours without seeking her father’s permission. At that time, women without literacy was a virtue. But Mum didn’t want to be ignorant. She purchased textbooks to study. When there’s anything she didn’t understand, she would cheekily asked teachers in the ancestral teaching hall. In her teens, this Lee’s Eldest Princess became the cashier of the tea house, with a workforce of around 20 under her. Much cash went through her hands. Young men tarrying on the streets didn’t bother her. Any indecent advances would only result in volleys of worse indecency from her. Consequently, she earned the nickname of “Shrew Yip”, a rather dignified one.
After marrying Dad, she put down her dignity to work as a farm woman, feeding pigs, planting mulberry trees and breeding silkworms. Communist liberation forced my Dad to seek development in Hong Kong, leaving Mum behind to take care of my widowed grandma who endeared this Lee’s Eldest Princess very much. For three years, there wasn’t any conflict between these two in-laws. It showed that Mum was capable of handling interpersonal relationships well. She was quick to adapt and knew how to please the seniors. Mum was physically strong enough to shoulder two basketfuls of mulberry leaves and row a sampan to deliver goods along the river. After three years, she reunited with Dad in Hong Kong, leaving behind the spacious countryside and the warmth of kinship. They stayed under the roof of Dad’s aunt. I and my younger brother were subsequently born and inherited their DNA.
Dad’s aunt had been a Comb Sister since young, earning money in Hong Kong to support the ancestral family. When two iron ladies lived together, as an in-law, Mum was obviously in a disadvantaged position. Mum understood well the principle that “A strong person overcomes himself” and refused to become emotional. Although she underwent ill-treatments, she accepted them with dignity. Gradually Dad’s aunt was also able to put away her prejudice and saw Mum in a new light. The strength of Mum’s character is reflected in our names. Following the ancestral tradition, my brother and I belong to the “Chuen” generation. I should be called “Kwok Chi Chuen” and my brother “Kwok Siu Chuen”. Thanks Mum for naming us “Keung”, meaning strong. My brother and I have not disappointed her. We have led a life of firmness for more than six decades. Although Mum had never heard of the Beatitudes, the meekness she displayed in serving the seniors after marriage shows the strength of the third Beatitude.
Dad was a very loyal man, having served only two bosses in his whole life. Had Mum not been impolitely treated by the first boss’ wife, Dad would not have resigned and moved to New Reclamation Street, in Yaumati, Kowloon, living in a middle cubicle. Life was harsh. Dad worked as a shopkeeper in a philately shop, working long hours in return for morsels. Besides raising us, teaching us reading and writing, Mum earned a few extra bucks by gluing paper pockets for stamps. It’s amazing the peach gum we dissolved to make glue has become a health/cosmetic dessert nowadays! Radio broadcasting helped us go through those difficult years. We “overheard” Cantonese operas and radio dramas from neighbouring cubicles. The operas of Tang Ti-sheng were a source of spiritual support for Mum. Immersed in such an environment, my head was filled with Di Nü Hua, The Purple Hairpin and The Reincarnation of a Beauty etc. If Mum ever wanted to watch Cantonese opera or movies in theatre, Dad would never reject even when life was harsh.
Later, we were allotted public housing and moved into Choi Hung Estate. Life started to improve. Dad worked seriously hard twelve hours a day and consequently blood tension went high. Mum’ heart burnt and sold of her pet dowry, a two-teal gold necklace to foot the medical bill. We also inherit this spousal love that binds them through sweet and bitter times.
One year, Mum and Dad’s aunt reconciled. I was fortunate enough to witness the scene in which Mum offered a cup of tea to Dad’s aunt. Both iron ladies maintained their dignity in a graceful manner. Mum took care of Dad’s aunt in her final years until it went beyond her strength. Dad’s aunt entered a home for the aged. This proves to be a norm in the life in Hong Kong as a commercial society. The culture of Comb Sisters doesn’t work here. Similarly, young families, whether they have intention to raise children or not, which offer up their efforts to build up the prosperity of the society, would not dodge the fate of dying in a home for the aged! I’m blessed to live with my parents in their last years. They were like path-finders showing us the way ahead, teaching us a lot of God’s wisdom. Accompanying the elders in their final years is truly a blessing.
Alzheimer’s disease is a horrible disease. When you are young, you are still able to make use of your rationality to reduce your prejudice or to suppress negative feelings. However, when Alzheimer’s disease strikes, you can’t control what you think and what you remember! Think about it. Are you willing to be tortured in your latter years by negative feelings throughout the day? Half an hour after returning from tea-house, you blame your children for being disrespectful and not going to tea-house with you for breakfast, you keep counting how many times Mr. A has bullied you, how much money Mr. B has cheated you … etc. Will you be happy?
Thank God, Dad was admitted to A&E one Sunday. We could not leave Mum home alone. So, we brought her to Church, thus opening a new page in her life. Thanks to the hospitality of the parishioners, Mum felt comfortable and joyful. Thank God, she was baptized before the onset of Alzheimer’s. When it started, all Mum thought, asked and remembered were positive things. She didn’t give people around her much inconvenience. Staff in the home for the aged had never complained. They were happy to engage her in cheerful talks. What’s Mum’s secret? It had to be something to do with her positive personality: Although this Lee’s Eldest Princess was righteous without ambiguity, she forgot grudges. She did not care how deeply she had been unfairly treated. She had lived up the spirit of beatific mercy. This Lee’s Eldest Princess was generous in helping people. Money was nothing in her eyes. With a merciful heart, she helped people pass over their difficult times even those whom she knew were cheating her. She combined spiritual poverty with mercy in a marvellous manner!
Mum survived a stroke which left her tube-fed, paralyzed and unable to speak. At first, she still retained her sight and touch but subsequently, she was gradually and completely cut off from us. She scaled the last journey alone for twenty months before she died of pneumonia. Naturally we kept wondering how a merciful God would permit such a lengthy and unnecessary suffering to happen on her. I was unable to shake off this question until today when I found God’s answer in the first reading. It is a mystery that for the past twenty months, I have presided over funeral rites and have read this passage from the book of Wisdom several times and yet understood only today! For those who trust in and love God, such as Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph in Genesis and Moses in Exodus, God would try them, give them opportunities to prove them worthy of Himself, “As gold in furnace, He proves them, and as sacrificial offerings He took them to Himself” (Wisdom 3:6) Through this proof, God affirms this Lee’s Eldest Princess’ position in His heart!
I’m grateful to God for allowing us the opportunity to go through this testing together. God truly loves this Lee’s Eldest Princess. She’s truly an iron lady, capable of undergoing twenty months of trial. Now, she is able to proudly tell us, “I have compete well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith. From now on the crown of righteousness awaits me.” (2 Timothy 4:7-8) Before God, we have one more intercessor.
God bless!
First of all, I thank God for His mercy. My father did not suffer from chronic sickness. When his vitality waned daily to a certain level, he passed away in his sleep, returning to the bosom of our heavenly Father. He did not cause us any inconvenience.
I sincerely thank you all for attending this Vigil Prayer for my father. There is no greater consolation than this.
I thank Deacon Paul Siu for officiating at my father’s funeral, giving support to his Choi Hung buddy.
I thank my younger brother who retired early to take care of our ageing parents so that they might lead a peaceful life. In the past few years, his health declines and I take up the baton. Just as what my wife shared with me, it has been a blessing for my family to be able to take care of them. "Like father like son". We are able to pick up again character traits of my father in us and admire the beauty of a different stage of life.
My father was born in Xiaolan, Zhongshan of the Guangtung Province. He planted morus trees to feed silk worms next to a fish pond. When I visited the ancestral village as a young child, the most impressive memory was the toilet shack built over the fish pond. It was entertaining to see grass craps fighting for faeces below. My grandfather died young, leaving my grandmother to rear two boys alone. Beside the ancestral house was a pig pen where they used to keep a pig of about 3 piculs. In the eyes of a young child, what a lazy, stinky monster! In order to guarantee the healthy growth of the two sons, my grandmother called them "Piggie I" and "Piggie II". Although he was called as such, my father was no lazy, stinky monster but an honest hardworking young gentleman. Given that I seldom return to mainland China and have no chance to hear anything interesting from those relatives, how can I be so sure about that? Well, as far as I know, my maternal grandfather was a merchant operating a teahouse in Xiaolan. He must have seen many people. Had my father not been an honest hardworking gentleman, how would he have won the hearts of my mother, the Headmistress of the Lee family and my maternal grandfather?
Soon after marriage, it was the Liberation. My father and some village fellows travelled to Hong Kong to try their luck. My father joined a shipping company, working as a cabin boy for three years. He had travelled and seen the world! Life on an oceangoing ship forced my father to learn English by himself. This facilitated his work in the future. Three years later, my mother came to join him. They settled in Wanchai to start a new page in life. Soon, my younger brother and I were born.
Throughout his life, my father had served only two bosses. He worked as a keeper in a philately shop. The boss liked him because of his diligence and love of learning. In those Wanchai years, we lived where my father worked. The boss’s family lived upstairs whereas we and the shop downstairs. More contacts led to more conflicts. Had my mother been able to tolerate the vanity of the boss’s wife, my father would not have joined another shop. We left Wanchai and moved to Yaumati. In this way, my father had served only two bosses. But my father was very loyal. In the years ahead, he still visited his ex-boss until his demise. After that, my father also paid visit to the wife of his ex-boss, of course not with my mother. My young brother and I have inherited his loyalty and enduring friendliness.
Life was difficult in the early Yaumati years. At first, my father worked 12 hours a day from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. In these years, when he returned home, my brother and I had slept. When we went to school in the morning, he was still in bed. A lack of father figure had created a void in our fragile souls, thus pushing us to learn independently and to seek everywhere for somebody worth respecting. Later, we were allotted a flat in Choi Hung Estate. His working hours had shortened. Life was improving and my brother and I were able to finish our study and got a stable job and steady pay. Although my father had received only about half a hundred thousand dollars for his long service payment at his retirement, life was happy.
Working as a shopkeeper for more than three decades, my father raised us up. Although he did not attend any formal schooling and was not the owner of any shop, with his diligence of learning, he was able to command respect in the field. Even after retirement, he was invited to join the annual Philately Exhibition or consulted on thorny issues in philately. As the saying goes "Philately is the hobby of kings and king of hobbies", I believe many older priests and religious brothers must have once been my father’s clients. As far as I know, Brother Anthony of La Salle College was one. Praise be to God. Brother Anthony also passed away in his sleep. My father shall find company in heaven! I also thank one of my old students who also collected stamps. From him, I learnt that my father was hospitable to these young kids who were no big spenders. This I can affirm from my own witness working as a summer job apprentice in the philately shop. Not only did doing summer job broaden my worldview, but it also dawned to me that happiness had to be earned. Since S.4, I paid my school fees with part-time jobs. Thank you, Dad for the inspiration.
Perhaps he had spoken too much during the day in the shop, when my father returned home, he did not speak much. He taught with examples. My father was a pious person. Every morning before leaving for work, he offered incense. Every evening before dinner, it was him again to offer incense. His piety influenced me. He used to keep a thick telephone directory of relatives, friends and neighbours to keep in touch. He was generous in helping relatives and friends back in mainland China no matter how hard life was here in Hong Kong. Rebuilding the torn and worn ancestral house must have been his greatest ambition.
In the past two years, he became lonelier. His outward calls became less. Many of his friends had passed away before him. Dear Dad, we shall definitely inherit your love and care for relatives and friends.
Thank you. God bless!
