Love Heals

This solitary retreat started on a wrong foot. I was supposed to meet my Fr. Francis Tam, my spiritual director last Friday and he would instruct me what to do in this solitary retreat in which there would be no spiritual director. Solitary Retreat is not supposed to be like this. There should be a spiritual director to help the retreatant review his encounter with Christ during the day. So, my so called solitary retreat is a bit handicapped. Later, another event took place. Fr. Tam had a dental appointment and could not meet me as schedule. Therefore, I am all on my own. I believe it was God's will.

As reported in previous the previous post, I arrived at the Salesian Retreat House 3 hours later due to the prison incident. I had slept during the ferry trip in order to clean up my mood. But obviously it was not quite successful. After lunch, I took a shower and tried to sit quietly in the chapel to bring myself into the mood. Nay, it usually takes at least one full day to settle down. What was worse, there was nobody to surrender the mobile phone. So, I still WhatsApp and updated the posts of the Permanent Deacon Facebook as well as mine. To save my skin, I read two chapters of "Francis: The Journey and the Dream."

This morning, I said the Lauds in my room, joined the morning mass in the chapel and after breakfast, tried seriously to sit quietly in the chapel and in the privacy of my room. After lunch, I sat again quietly for about an hour, read "The Crucifix Speaks" in "The Journey and the Dream." Inspired by what I had read, I immediately knelt before the crucifix in my room. Christ began to speak to me.  "Love heals."

One of the burdens I uncovered in the pre-ordination retreat was SEX. With my wife's help, I have resolved some of the problems in our marriage. My sexual urge is diminishing gradually as I advance in age. But it does not solve all the problem. One or twice,I still download AV to watch. So, the problem lies elsewhere. It dawns to me that I have not loved Erminia enough. We have sex. We have love in sex. We have love without sex. We have children. But it is not complete. My care and compassion for her have not been adequate until the two illnesses that happened to her recently within June. I told myself that we are one flesh. Her illnesses should be mine, not hers. Love heals and will continue to heal into the future.

Heavenly Father, I have not loved enough. Help me love you and my brethren more. Amen