時至今日，我仍比較倚賴理性的思考方式。以往，這種方式帶給我很多的成功。但很明顯，靈修是用不著理性的。作為一個執事，神學、理性和謹慎依然重要。可是，很快便出現油盡燈枯的現象，急需靈修來補救。到了這個地步，理性已一籌莫展！
因循的生活，就是「既然以往行之有效，就懶得改變」的生活態度，結果沒有長進，困死在安樂窩之中。您可能會說，能舒舒服服地死去，有何不好？對不起，以往行之有效，令您舒舒服服的生活態度，並不保證今天或者明天一樣會舒舒服服。我遇過不少長者，年青力壯時，霸氣十足，呼風喚雨，人人敬畏三分。年紀大了，改變不了自己的性格，又接受不了自己年老力衰，他們的痛苦，可想而知。
最令我感慨的個案，是一位囚友，一個未成年的誤殺犯，被判入精神治療中心，直至醫生簽証他可以「安全地」返回社會為止。四十多年來，經過了十七次覆檢，沒有一個醫生簽証他是安全的。同一樣的結論：「他精神錯亂，他對自己的病情沒有洞悉，他仍對受害人懷有妄想狂，他仍有暴力傾向…」我不禁問，四十多年來的治療白費了嗎？是治療中心的生活方式因循嗎？是治療中心的生活導至這位囚友因循地沒有改進嗎？是醫生們倚賴前人的意見判症嗎？現實是這樣的嗎？我沒有資格判斷！我祗看到一個淒涼，沒有長進，困死在「安樂窩」中的靈魂。
天父啊！教我如何不想他！亞孟。
I am the fruit of history, a mixture of good and bad habits which form my life style. Many of these habits are pulling my leg, hindering my progress.
As of today, I rely more on rationality. In the past, this mode brought me successes. But obviously, spirituality finds rationality of no benefit. As a permanent deacon, theology, rationality and prudence are still essential. However, a sense of burnt-out caves in very quickly and spiritual rescue is urgently needed. At this stage, rationality leads me nowhere.
A complacent life is such an attitude: if it works, don't rock the boat. Consequently, there is no growth and it results in a smothering in one's Comfort Zone. You may object and say what wrong it is if you may die comfortably. Pardon me, the attitude which worked well and brought you comfort in the past may not work today or tomorrow! I have met many senior citizens who, in their younger stronger days, had enjoyed successes and respect from others. However, in their older age, they could not change their personality. They could not accept their frailty. You can imagine how painful they are!
The most depressing case is an inmate convicted of manslaughter underage. He was sentenced to a psychiatric centre to be released only when doctors certified that he was safe. For more than 4 decades, 17 board reviews, no doctor certified him safe. The same opinions have been given, "He is psychotic. He has no insight of his mental condition. He still harbours paranoid towards the victim. He still has a propensity for violence ..." I can't help but ask, "Has 4 decades of treatment been a waste? Has life in the psychiatric centre been routine? Has life in the psychiatric centre made the inmate routine and make no progress? Have the doctors been relying on the opinions of previous doctors in making recommendations? Is the situation really like this? I am in no position to pass judgment. I only see a pitiful no-growth soul dying in a "Comfort Zone".
Heavenly Father, how can I not think of him! Amen!
The most depressing case is an inmate convicted of manslaughter underage. He was sentenced to a psychiatric centre to be released only when doctors certified that he was safe. For more than 4 decades, 17 board reviews, no doctor certified him safe. The same opinions have been given, "He is psychotic. He has no insight of his mental condition. He still harbours paranoid towards the victim. He still has a propensity for violence ..." I can't help but ask, "Has 4 decades of treatment been a waste? Has life in the psychiatric centre been routine? Has life in the psychiatric centre made the inmate routine and make no progress? Have the doctors been relying on the opinions of previous doctors in making recommendations? Is the situation really like this? I am in no position to pass judgment. I only see a pitiful no-growth soul dying in a "Comfort Zone".
Heavenly Father, how can I not think of him! Amen!
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